Secure romantic relationships are based on trust and understanding. They are developed over time and tend to last the longest; however, just because a couple feels secure doesn’t mean the couple is necessarily happy. While every healthy relationship shines with rays of trust and happiness, shadows often lurk filled with lies and deceit. A painting, entitled Alley by the Lake, by Leonid Afremov portrays the secure, yet secret, side to relationships. Happiness holds relationships together. Finding someone who makes feelings arise, plastering a smiling on one’s face, draws any person in. It’s the warmth one wants and the intensity one longs for. Without this feeling, there is no reason to become involved. There would be no relational difference between people. In the study, “Sweetheart, you really make me happy: Romantic relationship quality and personality are predictors of happiness among emerging adults,” Meliksah Demir states that relationships “experience certain provisions…that include but are not limited to companionship, help, affection, intimacy and emotional security” (Demir, 2008, p.258). Aspects of Alley by the Lake, such as the colors and behaviors that take place, reveal the features Demir suggests take part in the happiness of one’s relationship. The reliable assistance of another is the help one longs for. In the study, “Within-Person Variation in Security of Attachment: A Self-Determination Theory Perspective on Attachment, Need Fulfillment, and Well-Being,” researchers, La Guardia, Ryan, Couchman and Deci, work hard to prove that attachment and reliance on the significant other is detrimental to how well a romantic relationship works. Stated within the article, “research has indicated that satisfaction of the basic ... ... middle of paper ... ...of a friend's confidence. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 29(4), 499-523. http://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1005166627678#page-1 La Guardia, J. G., Ryan, R. M., Couchman, C. E., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Within-person variation in security of attachment: a self-determination theory perspective on attachment, need fulfillment, and well-being. Journal of personality and social psychology, 79(3), 367-384. http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/psp/79/3/367/ Demir, M. (2008). Sweetheart, you really make me happy: romantic relationship quality and personality as predictors of happiness among emerging adults. Journal of Happiness Studies, 9(2), 257-277. http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-007-9051-8#page-1 Afremov, L. (2007). Alley by the Lake [Oil Painting]. Retrieved December 2, 2013 from http://leonidafremov.deviantart.com/art/ALLEY-BY-THE-LAKE-69757565
Karen, R., (1998). Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love. New York: Oxford Press.
The better which a person develops an understanding of themselves and of the other people around them, the better able they will be able to develop intimate relationships. A person who has a negative model of self and has a negative model of others , otherwise known as Fearful, is going to shy away from attachment and be socially avoidant which obviously is going to affect the crisis of intimacy versus isolation. The example describes a person who is hesitant to make long term commitments and resists urges to display intimacy, but is capable of forming a dependency on him by the other in the relationship. A Preoccupied person has a negative self model and a positive model of others. They often tend to be overly dependent and ambivalent. The example suggests a person who might be shy and conservative but is capable of not displaying their awkward feelings to the other person. A Secure individual has a positive model of self and others. They are comfortable with intimacy and autonomy and often do not have a difficult time in forming intimate relationships. The example describes this person as someone who is very capable of healthy relationships and good communication skills. It seems like a secure person has all the good qualities that any relationship requires. And finally, a Dismissing person has a positive model of self but a negative model of others. They are characterized by denying attachment and their counter dependency. All of the differences among the different models result from past experiences in the individual’s life. How they were raised in terms of different parenting styles and methods of child raising affect an individuals internal working models of self and others.
Love and affection is an indispensable part of human life. In different culture love may appear differently. In the poem “My god my lotus” lovers responded to each other differently than in the poem “Fishhawk”. Likewise, the presentation of female sexuality, gender disparity and presentation of love were shown inversely in these two poems. Some may argue that love in the past was not as same as love in present. However, we can still find some lovers who are staying with their partners just to maintain the relationship. We may also find some lovers having relationship only because of self-interest. However, a love relationship should always be out of self-interest and must be based on mutual interest. A love usually obtains its perfectness when it develops from both partners equally and with same affection.
Acknowledging, the importance of attachment has been in helpful development of couples therapy, in particular to Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), “where it helps explain how even healthy adults need to depend on each other,” (Nichols, 2013, p. 62). EFT is an empirically validated experiential therapy model that works with emotion to create change. EFT therapists use “attachment theory to deconstruct the familiar dynamic in which one partner criticizes and complains while the other gets defensive and withdraws,” (Nichols, 2013, p.63). Research has demonstrated the importance of attachment in individuals. It is not solely a childhood trait attachment is a trait that individuals carry for the rest of their lives. Nonetheless, it is important to work on the attachments with families and couples in order to alleviate some of the negative interactions that arise from feeling a fear of losing the attachment with
The first stage of the cycle is the man experiences rejection by his current partner. The past experience of rejection by the man's previous attachment relationships will be able to detonate by contact with his current partner's behaviour of rejection. Brown et al. (2010) pointed out that previous experiences of rejection weaken a man's ability to cope with present rejection. Such experiences include excessive rejection, punishment, neglect and abandonment. According to Bowlby's attachment research (as cited in Bretherton, 1992, p. 769), repeated threats of rejection may lead to excessive separation anxiety. Thus, an anxiously attached man tends to be the one being rejected or abandoned several times by parents or previous partner in his past life experience. Substantial research has been carried out which indicated a link between attachment style and man's abusive behaviour (Brown et al., 2010). Other than that, a man received excessive punishment during their childhood is more likely a troublesome individual (Fergusson & Lynskey, 1997). Therefore, when a m...
A powerful influence over happiness is how people perceive situations and how they choose to engage with others. Life may change within an instant and have a spiraling spin of high and low points, but the positive state of mind and the value of social relationships determine the
Cassidy, J., & Shaver, P.R. (1999). Handbook of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications. New York: The Guilford Press.
Psychologist, Mary Ainsworth expanded upon Bowlby's original work. She conducted a study labelled the ‘Strange Situation’. In the study, based upon the children’s reactions, Ainsworth described three major styles of attachment: secure attachment, ambivalent-insecure attachment, and avoidant-insecure attachment. Work by Stroufe and Waters in 1977, further supported Ainsworth's attachment styles and have indicated that attachment styles also have an impact on behaviours later in life (Birns, 1999, p. 13). Researchers have found strengths in attachment patterns established early in life can lead to a number of outcomes. For example, children who are securely attached as infants tend to develop stronger self-esteem and better self-reliance as they grow older. These children also tend to be more independent, perform better in school, have successful social relationships, and experience less depression and anxiety (Birns, 1999, p. 13).
There is many emotions like anger, love, and sadness, which are all part of our lives. The relationships cause some of these emotions, but most of the time, they lead up to happiness in the end. The relationships made in this society are real and hopefully last a long time. The relationships in this society are connected by feelings and love which can make bonds so much stronger and happy. The Action for Happiness website stated, “People with strong and broad social relationships are happier, healthier and live longer” (Action for Happiness).
In addition to romantic partners, other age peers such as friends and family have the potential to become dominant attachment figures for adults. Throughout adolescence and early adulthood, friends and romantic partners gradually replace parents as the preferred source of emotional support and proximity seeking (Freeman & Brown, 2001; Hazan & Zeifman, 1994). Shifts in attachment tend to be a function of the relationship length, and only longer lasting friendships are likely to create close attachment bonds (Fraley & Davis, 1997). Enduring close friendships have the potential to
Sharpsteen Don J. and Lee Kirkpatrick. "Romantic Jealousy and Adult Romantic Attachment" Journal of Personality And Social Psychology Vol. 72 (3) March 1997: 627-640. American Psychological Association
The complex infrastructure of romantic relationships is a topic that has been intensely scrutinized and evaluated for the entirety of its existence. Despite this profound analysis, the intrinsically elusive answers to one persistent question remain: what factors most contribute to the prosperity of a relationship? While there are certainly a myriad of possible responses to this proposition, a prevalent explanation can be found in the basic enabler of biological interaction: communication. In Jhumpa Lahiri's collection Interpreter of Maladies, in the stories "This Blessed House" and "A Temporary Matter", Lahiri provides powerful evidence that communication determines the success or failure of relationships, because communication promotes social
As romantic relationships develop over time, the relationship naturally deepens and becomes more serious. Inevitably, these cause individuals to become increasingly dependent on their significant other. This dependence is necessary for the survival of romantic relationships and, this, can be considered a def...
It takes more than words to create a safe, exciting and secure relationship. Too often the signals we send are not those we intend to send. When this happens, both connection and trust are lost in our relationships.
A special bond is shared and a sense of comfort and togetherness is felt in most any situation. This attachment is very normal in close relationships and healthy to a certain extent. Many times one person becomes more dependent on the other and this can be very unhealthy because everyone needs their own sense of identity. Without your own sense of identity, you might feel smothered or unable to function without your mate. Either way, it is a lose-lose situation.