My focus is close relationships, more specifically, communicating better and more effectively with my husband. We are more alike than we are different in personality and day to day life, but when disagreements occur our communication styles are opposite. Ordinarily, I need time to cool and process what has made me angry or hurt, while he wants to immediately discuss and resolve the issue. Furthermore, I tend to instantly shut down all communication and walk away, because I do not want to say anything that I will regret and I need time to reflect on my thoughts and feelings. Consequently, after I walk away he becomes insecure and feels like me needing a break is a disconnect to the relationship or emotion and has feelings of abandonment. …show more content…
Additionally, the next time an argument occurs, I stay in the conversation and calmly reassure him that I value his input and that I do want to discuss his thoughts on the matter and reinforce that I am committed to resolving the issue. While this concept may not work the first time I put it into action, over time if I am consistent and reassure him of my commitment to resolution I could change the attitudes and behaviors to buy me more time to process my thoughts and feelings without saying something to fuel an argument further.
Using the Cognitive Dissonance approach to improve communication during times of disagreements can be effective by taking time to understand his approach when we are not in a heated argument and be more understanding of his position on why he thinks it is more effective, so that I can apply this application when things do get heated. Furthermore, by my gesture of staying in the conversation when we are fighting and reassuring him that I am committed to resolve, I can help diffuse the feeling of abandonment and disconnection that he feels I have when I just walk
Sharing the power in a relationship helps couples to avoid power imbalances and conflicts over power will lessen overall negative conflict in the relationship. To keep communication going, "the partners should focus on the fat that sharing information is essential and reinforce each other for keeping the process alive" (102). To do this, for example, don 't become defensive when a partner reveals their feelings; if you punish disclosure by becoming angry, the partner is less likely to disclose in the future. I often still experience this in my marriage. When I tell my husband my feelings and he responds by getting angry or defensive, I feel hurt and upset and do not want to open myself up to that again. This can cause a pattern of sharing, hurting, and then a period of time with little communication, until one party opens up communication again. However, if you follow the other strategies, and go back to the first principle of effective communication above all-if you make it a priority- it will be easy to keep open lines of communication in a
Harrington & Braithwaite suggest as cited by West & Turner “It is through communication practices that people achieve dialectical unity, or the way in which people are able to make contradictions feel complete and satisfactory.” (West & Turner, 2010, p.201) What I perceive to be may be something different, however, once someone shows me who they really are; I can only believe what I see. No matter what, I choose to have in my relationship it has to be simultaneously in nature. If I decide to have behavior control this can still lead to contradictions in my relationship even though, I may change that does not mean that the other person in the relationship will. My boyfriend’s views of the relationship seem to be quite different than
It is a very different motivation from what psychologists are used to dealing with but, as we shall see, nonetheless powerful” (p. 3). A few different factors determine the amount of dissonance individuals experience, including the degree to which one’s belief systems deviate from the regularity. Different cognitions, or types of knowledge, determine the overall strength of dissonance, for instance cognitions, which are connected to personal beliefs and the self, tend to result in stronger dissonance. Furthermore, the relation between dissonance and consonance could also play a role in the degree of strength of dissonance: the greater the dissonance, the more pressure there is to reduce it and reach consonance. When cognitive dissonance occurs, it often results in a conflict between a “person’s two beliefs or a belief and an action” (Festinger 1957, p.), and it is influential to individuals’ actions and behaviors. When a conflict arises, there are different steps individuals take to reduce the consequent dissonance. Festinger suggest three key strategies to minimize cognitive dissonance: (i) changing a behavioral cognitive element, or the focus is put on more supportive cognitive elements that outweigh the dissonant behavior; (ii) changing the environmental cognitive element, or the importance of the conflicting belief is reduced, and (iii) adding new cognitive elements, or the conflicting belief is changed in order to be consistent with other
Cognitive dissonance can be described as the feeling of discomfort resulting from holding two conflicting beliefs. It can also be said to be the mental conflict that occurs when beliefs or assumptions are contradicted by new information. A well-known psychologist Leon Festinger (1919–89), introduced this concept in the late 1950s where he proved that, when confronted with challenging new information; most people are observed to preserve their current understanding of the world by rejecting or avoiding the new information or by convincing themselves that no conflict really exists in one way or the other (Festinger, 04).
As an illustration, tension in relationship can result from having money problems, seems to be the biggest problem for couples. As a result, there seems to be a lot of fighting going on in the relationship. Another, problem may be in the relationship, there is one or both partners re interested in someone else (coldness or openness) or one may be seeing someone, which cause confusion and arguing among themselves (DeVito 2016). Therefore, the theory posits that relationships can succumb to pressures that are often associated with maintaining connections and relationships, and the communication patterns can be affected by these forms of instability. (DeVito 2016) Equally important, patterns in communication that create a constant state of imbalance acts in such a way that it is adverse to cultivating and sustaining developed relationships. There are four principle concepts that are associated with this theory: opposing needs and desire, connection with others, autonomy and independence. (DeVito 2016 Pg. 236). One of the most prominent strengths of this theory is the practicality that is associated with rebalance of your life. It provides a sense of stability in relationships when someone utilizes the theory correctly. Communication strategies are taught in this theory which is great. For example, the principle issues is that it assumes that
Imagine a person who is an avid animal lover and activist but also owns and wears a real fur jacket. These two beliefs and actions are inconsistent with each other and cause a distressing contradiction known as cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the distressing mental state caused by an inconsistency between a person’s two beliefs or a belief and an action (Griffin 2006). People have an instinctual desire to keep their actions and beliefs in harmony and when they are experiencing inconsistencies they deal with it by trying to reduce it. Cognitive dissonance theory has been around since the late 1950s when it was published by Leon Festinger and has made a big impact on the educational community. This theory has been researched extensively over the last 50 years and there are many important and interesting research findings that have been produced. This is an important theory that is very relevant and can be useful in the practice of persuasion and can also help to explain people’s behaviors.
...unicate differently, it is important to know how to utilize communication strategies effectively, in order to handle any conflict. One study states that men are more likely to distract themselves when they know conflict is coming, whereas women are more likely to focus on the conflict. When a mood changing event occurs, men search for “distracting media stimuli” immediately after the event instead of focusing on the conflict. Women distracted themselves with “less absorbing stimuli” and progressed to more distracting media. These results show the different coping mechanisms of men and women. Women are usually though to have more coping skills than men. However, studies show that men and women have equal coping skills, but in different ways. Men use distraction as a coping mechanism, where women are more likely to “ruminate” on conflicts (Knobloch-Westerwick, 2007).
The theory of Cognitive Dissonance states that when individuals are presented with information that implies we act in a way that contradicts our moral standards, we experience discomfort (Aronson, Wilson, and Akert, 1998, P. 191). This is considered Cognitive Dissonance,
My personal example of cognitive dissonance is the purchase of a 1966 Mustang I made
The human psyche frequently experiences the phenomena of internal contradiction, followed by an internal struggle for some semblance of balance or consistency (Hall, 1998). Cognitive dissonance acts as motivation for people to behave in a manner that effectively reduces said dissonance and restores balance. Leon Festinger’s theory of cognitive dissonance explores this occurrence and the subsequent actions that people take in order to create a balance between their ideals.
Interpersonal conflict is very common with many relationships. It occurs when two people can not meet in the middle or agree on a discussion. Cooperation is key to maintaining a healthy debate. More frequently; when dealing with members of your own family, issues arise that include conflict and resolution. During this process our true conflict management style appears “out of thin air”. (Steve A. Beebe, 2008, p. 191).
...e any conflict is to become calm an effective communicator. Reinforcing your listening skills are a must when looking to further your communication skills. Let’s face it you want to listen well before setting a plan of action. Never jump into any conversation unprepared, not only can it cause conflict but you can lose credibility if the meaning of what you are trying to say is lost. Verbal communication is always best, talking to another individual face to face is a good idea this way you can judge their reactions by their body language and you can express the correct meaning. But, remember that verbal is not the only form of communication. Your nonverbal communication can say a lot to the receiver (ie. body language). Use supportive messages rather than defensive ones can be more productive. Any conflict can be resolved through correct and effective communication.
If the conflicts happen every day of the week, that’s when you want to take notice of it because it does not create a healthy environment. Conflicts that get built up over time and when they are not addressed, they can create a disaster when another conflict arises. These triggers can create larger and more in depth conflicts when an argument arises. Don’t sweat the small issues. Put the small issues aside and don’t worry about them because chances are they will not make an impact. If you do choose to react however, make sure that the reaction is in a calm matter. Address to your significant other why you feel a certain way and make sure to make use of I-messages. For example, “I feel upset when you can’t put you phone down and talk to me.” This can be a very useful tactic because you are not getting angry at them or directly telling them what they did wrong in a mean
This elasticity in your approach to choosing which conflict style is best for the current situation is a key to managing conflict. No one style of conflict resolution will work all the time when addressing issues. You must remain flexible to other people’s wants, needs, direction, criticism, schedules, moods, temperament, and a myriad of other things in life. If there is one thing in life that will never change it is the fact that everything is going to change! There is nothing you can do to stop it, so the quicker you learn how to adapt to the changes the better off you will be. The ability to change your approach to dealing with conflict better prepares you to face the interpersonal challenges that will eventually come your way. I believe it is important to also remember that you cannot win every battle with every person you encounter. Knowing that you cannot fix or solve every problem with everyone is very helpful in reducing stress and managing difficult situations with others. My father dislikes when I use this cliché but sometimes, it is what it
Being married for five years, l has seen that effective communication is a requirement for effective problem in an intimate relationship. How we communicate is the problem more often than what we communicate. I...