But the thing is, like when we believe in a deity, we cheat when we’re bad. We’ll do something sinful and make it up to ourselves by going to church that Sunday. If you think about it, it’s the same with grandmas. When you did something wrong as a kid and you didn 't get caught you’d somehow end up at Grandma’s house within the week to make up for the crime. If you did confess to what you did then it was probably to grandma because you know she is always on your side. You know that she’ll forgive you no matter what you did. She forgave you because you were young and adorable with floppy hair and big ears. Well you’re not cute and puppy-eyed anymore and your loving grandma is much less forgiving.
The problem arises especially in holiday seasons when grandma-encounters happen more often. Even unplanned ones, such as last week when you were shopping for your office Secret Santa present at Walmart. You ran into your friend, Joe, in the scented candles aisle. Joe is a funny man and he has always enjoyed your stories and you have a good one from last weekend to tell him.
You were amidst a great retelling of your night at the bar and how you ended up in the filthy alley behind it with a circus...
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...or $45 per pair of earrings, along with the charging box and app for smartphones. It’s not a bad deal for the technology and labor.
After a few hundred purchases you decide to make an infomercial to be played on cartoon channels, MTV, comedy central and all the many channels grandmothers don’t possibly watch. Your sales skyrocket and you’re able to buy a decent factory building and warehouse to continue your operation.
Almost every grandmother in the nation are wearing your earrings, and you’re a millionaire. This should be the peak of your career, everything as only been going up right? But far too late did you realize the consequence. The world is in total chaos. Without grandmothers to guilt us into being decent human beings we revert to looting, murder and anarchy. The worst part yet is that it’s all your fault, and people are starting to make the connection.
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