The Importance Of Understanding One 's Sexual Philosophy With Each Chapter Of Our Textbook

The Importance Of Understanding One 's Sexual Philosophy With Each Chapter Of Our Textbook

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Throughout this course we have discussed the importance of understanding one’s sexual philosophy with each chapter of our textbook. This is something I am in the process of navigating for myself and am continuing to build on with each positive and negative experience I have had thus far. In order to better understand where some of my sexual beliefs and values stem from, I had to look into my past to evaluate the various messages I received in regards to sex, sexuality and intimacy from the my peers and family. As I reflect on my childhood, I realized that I always knew that the act of sex existed because I saw it in some of the movies my mother watched (despite her attempts to cover my eyes or have me look away). The impression I got then from watching these scenes in movies were that sex was an intimate and romantic act done by two people who really loved one another. My mother reinforced this impression I had about sex through our conversations, but she also placed a greater emphasis on waiting until marriage to have that experience. While I knew people engaged in sex, I did not actually understand what sex entailed until I was in middle school.
I made the unfortunate mistake of asking my father what a “blow job” was when I was in eighth grade. I had overheard some boys in my class make some type of joke or comment but felt too embarrassed to ask them so I figured that my father would know. My father was furious and his explanation was blunt and loud: “It’s when a woman sucks on a man’s penis with her mouth! Where the f*** did you hear that?!”. I felt horrible for asking and afterwards we had “the talk.” While I do not remember exactly how we had the talk, I remember that the two things I got out of that conversation w...

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... emotionally, the more trapped I felt in the relationship. I would voice my thoughts and he would either make promises he could not keep or point out how I was wrong for feeling the way I felt. He was suffering from depression and was losing all his friends; he claimed that I was all he had left. Every time I tried to leave, he would always guilt me into staying. Then I found out he was hooking up with his ex as well as other girls he met on Tinder. I felt betrayed and used, but I was afraid to confront him because even at that point I came to realize how much control he had over me. I did not want to admit it but I was afraid of him. My friends knew this too and to prevent any further manipulation, one of my close guy friends went to break up with him on my behalf. Yet this was not the painful part; the painful part begins in the second semester of senior year.

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