What I do remember very clearly is the feeling of that day. At 12 years old I had never experienced such pain, such hopelessness. That day I remember feeling that my life had come to an end. I believed that even if I continued on this earth I would be merely surviving. That day was the end of my life.
It was the phone. The phone sang its tone throughout the house. No one reacted but my mother. Nothing was abnormal. I might have heard my mother whisper a disbelieved “what?” into the phone. Still no one was bothered by the phone call. But then tears started to fall down my mothers face.
“Mami, whats wrong?”
I don 't think she heard me, or even noticed me or my little sister Imani staring at her. My mother than ran. She jolted out the front door to where my father was working on the yard. I stopped at the front door, Imani followed my mother out. Imani returned a few minutes later.
“What happened?” I interrogated.
“Etach shot himself,” she replied casually.
At 9 years old I 'm not sure if she fully understood. At 12 I barely understood. I remember thinking that she meant Etach ACCIDENTALLY shot himself. I thought maybe he was messing with a gun and the gun went off.
“Well is he ok? Is he in the hospital?”
“No, he 's dead,” Imani answered slowly.
At that moment life left me. My mind spun around while my body reacted to the news. I rushed to my room. I didn 't collapse onto my bed, for some reason I ran to my closet and buried my face ...
... middle of paper ...
...er the fact that Etach and so many others have felt or are feeling the same unbearable pain I lived through. I was tortured with the fact that the pain was caused by my own brain.
Though I have “lived” through many years of depression I have found myself. I enjoy studying now, studying for life. At the moment I am enjoying a book on Buddhism. I have found a different way of life. I am now living. I cried while writing this but I don 't really cry over my cousin anymore. Not because I 've forgotten about him, I think of him every day. Instead I remember Etach and his greatness. Etach is the most magnificent person I have ever met. If I had about 20 more pages I would tell you all about him. Though my angel couldn 't continue on Earth, I know he is still continuing to do great things.
Etach you inspire me and I hope to live my years as exciting as you did. I love you.
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