You see, I’ve already written the story, before I lived it. My internal narrative exists and I’m merely filling its holes. So when the written story begins it’s merely an imitation, a forgery, of a prior piece that was written in a realm of conjecture, bias, and analytical hell. That writing, the writer’s writing is at its root a farce based on a lie that is the result of a personal melodrama. My life is prostituted and presented as a used up shell of something that never was, what I present is merely a carcass of abused opportunity.
From a purely logical stand point the practice of selling and marketing a used hooker life is both counterproductive and difficult. I am lazy and chemically disassociated from the world an...
... middle of paper ...
...hese living people possess isn’t their story. They didn’t create the stories. They didn’t create anything. What happened were actions based on desires produced by need and instinct. It’s not creation its just occurrence, and has more in common with reflex than reflect.
This nature of living life as it happens is what murders the past and future. Any planning is present planning formulated from reaction, and any look backwards is a reaction to present folly. Everything that makes the non-writer is based on a utilitarian view of what is needed to have a now. As a writer, who refuses to be a writer, while being a writer, I am obliged to think and observe. I am forced to process and create. In a Faustian way, I have sold my present because it will always be used in retrospect, and it will only exist as something that can be future and by that definition is past.
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