I was born to a sixteen year old girl and a man who I’ve never actually met. My early childhood was average and uneventful, but then when I about four/five my mother decided to get married. She married a firefighter who was getting ready to join the Army. This drastically changed my life. Instead of having a happy, average childhood, I was forced into a constant state of change. Every time I thought I was happy, every time I thought I had friends, every time I thought things were going to going to be different and that I could actually participate in life, things changed. When I say “things changed,” I mainly mean that we moved. A lot. Although he was only in the Army until I was in the seventh grade, by then I had gone through about nine schools and it had affected me more than I thought. Being in that constant state of change, well, changed me. I had a subconscious fear that no matter what I wanted I would be forced to change again, that I would just have to leave everything and everyone again. So my unconscious decision was to fight that inevitability. Instead of being forced to leave everyone and everything, I just didn’t participate in anything (not having experience in anything helped this) and I didn’t let anyone close. I wasn’t a total loner though. I had friends, I just kept my friendships superficial and the people at arm’s length. I didn’t trust that people wouldn’t leave me, or that I wouldn’t be forced to leave them. Then things changed.
His name, well let’s just call him C. C forced hi...
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...at friendship. I loved that boy with all my heart. I trusted him above all others and I never doubted “us”. And then I broke my own heart cutting him out of my life. But I knew it had to be done. He needed some kind of repercussion for his action. Now he’s just with her and she’s ignorant to the fact that he had been cheating on her and still is, but it’s not my place to hell her the truth. It’s not my place to crush her happiness. He has tried to get my friendship, and my love back over and over since that night, but I haven’t let myself fall to his lies and false promises. Since that night, the only belief I have is in myself. I believe that one day I will find someone in this world that is honest and I believe that one day I will be happy with my life. I believe that maybe the only true belief anyone can have is in themselves, because you only truly know yourself.
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