With my fingers intertwined, they turned a ghastly white as I fell on my knees in front of the altar. I gasped for air as my chest constricted for the need of oxygen, a consequence of my persistent sobs. Sounds of worship echoed around my vulnerable state, but my thoughts were focused alone on the presence of Him. Past memories flew through my mind like the pages of a book, and as I flickered through the pages, grief and remorse plagued my shattered faith. As I hung my head in shame and engulfed my vision in twilight, I silently choked out, “I’m so sorry…
“I’ve been nothing but dishonest to you, Lord…” I said with a quiver as my mental being finally began to break down, approaching failure to hold back my harsh cries. “I could’ve done more for you… I know this now. I don’t deserve your endless love and forgiveness, God…
“I committed my entire life to you Lord, yet turned my back to you. My harsh words that spoke of the doubt I had in your presence were nothing but lies. Even before this retreat I attended against my will, the small flicker of faith in my heart had nearly lost its spark,” I quietly whimpered to myself, tasting the salty, metallic flavor of blood in my mouth as I bit my tongue to fight back a new, fresh wave of tears.
My legs continued to grow numb from my current sitting position, and I sourly considered it as punishment for my disloyalty. The melody of the gospel was now a hushed murmur, and the worshippers around me gradually obtained a form identical to my own. The sanctuary was filled with whispers of prayer, and the lights were dimmed to focus on the stage. It felt as if I was alone with God now, having my own conversation with Him.
I tensed as one hand gently caressed my shoulder, the other gingerly placed a...
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...ered my passion to spread His word to those in suffering, just like myself.
As retreat came to a close, I came home baptized into a new life lead by God. I was no longer embarrassed of the Lord, because I knew and believed that He was truly real and almighty. With my renewed loyalty, I closely worshipped Him wherever I went. As the seasons changed and graduation had passed, I gleefully accepted the opportunity to spend my time in the Philippines and further develop my devotion to God.
I beamed from the back of the small, cramped church as I watched newfound followers of Christ of young and old intently listen to the sermon. I quietly walked outside and took a seat upon a nearby bench, neatly folding my hands in my lap.
“Thank you, Lord,” I said, looking up to the clear, blue skies, “for giving me this opportunity. Thank you for giving me a chance to serve you.”
What I said was altogether false against my grandfather and Mr. Burroughs, which I did to save my life and to have my liberty; but the Lord, charging it to my conscience, made me in so much horror that I could not contain myself before I denied my confession…”(Godbeer 147).
The service began with a time of invocation through prayer, responsive reading and song that evoked the presence of God. An oil fueled candle and tray that contained the communion bread and grape juice were then placed at the center of a table. The invocation brought attention to the reality that we who were in attendance were not merely gathered as individuals. We were part of a community, the larger body of Christians from which we came. Remarks were made that emphasized the significance of the event and the paradox in sharing the...
first told me of your suspicion. But I wilted, and like a Christian, I confessed!”’(55). The
Venturing inside, we all noticed two things very quickly: we were at once wearing entirely too much clothing to be comfortable in the sweltering heat, and entirely too little to fit in with the rest of the congregants assembled. And yet we were welcomed with open arms. We had arrived, the Reverend Rogers L. Pruitt emphasized as we filed into the sanctuary, on a very special day. As he distributed bulletins and hearty handshakes to the rest of the group, I noticed that the front of mine read "Fragment Day." As I looked around the modest sanctuary, I wondered what the service had in store for us.
I leave you with one last line from this video. “I, want to love you, but something’s pulling me away from you, Jesus is my virtue, and Judas is the demon I cling to, I cling to.”
“ And I kept sincerely waiting for Jesus, waiting and waiting but he didn’t come. I wanted to see him, but nothing happened to me. Nothing! I wanted something to happen to me!” (Pa...
“Never shall I forget those flames that consumed my faith forever...Never shall I forget those moments that murdered my God and my soul and turned my dreams to ashes.”
On June fourth this past summer I embarked on a, life-changing journey; Kairos. In Greek, the word Kairos means “appointed time”, but on this retreat it is specified as “a time for God.” Kairos is a four day long retreat that is offered to high school and college students, and as a member of a private Catholic school, I was given the option to attend this retreat during my senior year of high school. I was anxious about attending because the majority of the retreat was kept secret from any student that had not gone, so I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The retreat consisted of talks from the student and adult leaders, activities as a large group, sessions in our designated small groups, and individual time for reflection. Throughout the entire retreat we were encouraged
At 9:55 a man referred to as an usher greeted me and handed me a program. The room I entered into next was large and had an aisle down the center separating the seating. There were eight chairs seated side by side in each row and fifteen rows in total on each side of the aisle to provide comfortable seating for 240 people. I took a seat amongst the rest of the youth in the second row from the front of the platform. On the platform at the front of the room sat various instruments, a large podium and multiple speakers. There was a large, rectangular opening in the center wall at the back of the platform where a large tub with steps, referred to as the baptism tank, was located. Beyond the tank was a large wooden cross hanging on the wall.
It was magnificent. The first thing to catch my eye was a monstrous chandelier that hung from the 50 foot ceiling. It was awe inspiring. As my eyes surveyed the room, it was hard to miss the antique maple pews that provided seats for approximately 300 people. Plush emerald green carpet was the grounding to the room. It's path led directly up to the stage which was home to a variety of items. The band, pulpit, arid baptismal were the most obvious. Above the stage was a huge dome, it was colored in shades of blue, mauve, white, and several other soft accents. A bright light was right in the center of its point. Our gazing was soon interrupted when the official greeter returned. This time she was quick and to the point. She collected our cards and informed us that service was about to begin. Within a matter of minutes, a middle-aged man stepped up to the pulpit and asked us to stand.
As I sat on the sidewalk with him, shame overtook my heart. The glares from others passing by caused me to feel utterly uncomfortable but I continued to listen to his story. I knew what I had been called to do when I accepted this opportunity but never had I imagined it to be like this.
Throughout the book, he constantly desires to confess, even when visiting the police station. "I'll go in, fall on my knees, and confess everything" (97), he thought; later, he considered if it was "better to cast off the burden without thinking" (107). When he confessed to...
“This was ten the reward of my benevolence! I had saved a human being from destruction, and as a recompense I now writhed under the miserable pain of a wound which shattered of the flesh and bone. The feelings of kindness and gentleness Which I had entertained but a few moments before gave place to hellish rage and gnashing of teeth.inflamed by pain, I vowed eternal hatred and vengeance to all
“For I felt that I was still the captive of my sins, and in my misery I kept crying ‘How long shall I go on saying, “tomorrow, tomorrow”? Why not now? Why not make an end of my ugly sins at this moment?’” (VIII, 177)
...rd was trying to tell me this. It was during this time I heard the word ‘seek first the kingdom’. As I heard this word, I cried out to God for the first time in my life to remember me. It was here I made a vow to the Lord in the faith that I would find remembrance. As I made this vow and fulfilled it, the Lord opened doors that I can truly say would not have been opened if I didn’t respond to the word to ‘seek first the kingdom’. Out of this time, the Lord blessed me financially, led me to buy a home and healed my anxious heart. It was here that I began to find testimony before God through offering. This is something I am still finding to this day.