Hiding Behind the Words

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Hiding Behind the Words

As I look back at the first paper I wrote for this class, I see lots of things I needed to improve on. I was simple minded in many of my ideas that I wrote about. Throughout the paper I only elaborated on a few thoughts and ideas. It all could have been summed up in two paragraphs. My opening paragraph talked about my whole paper. "A university education is important to me. By getting a degree in geography I hope to improve my knowledge and increase my chances for a good job. Not only will I gain knowledge but also gain the experience of university life as a student. By receiving my education I will prepare myself for a job and improve my communication with other people."

After the first paragraph I bullshitted through the rest of the paper. I had repetition over and over again. For example in paragraph three I wrote, "I have chosen my major in Geography because I find it interesting and hope to obtain a job in the field." This repetition can be seen in the opening paragraph above. It also is in the last paragraph, "Bemidji University will have prepared me with the knowledge I need to obtain a job in Geography." If I were to make a revision on the paper I would need to cut down on the repetition, this is not the only example throughout the paper.

My first paper was also written in the official style and the five theme essay. I stated my theme in the first paragraph and everything form there on pertained to the theme. I did not elaborate on other things that make a university education important to me. I needed to reconstruct my thoughts and dig deeper to find the real meaning behind my university education. As I read this paper again it was plain, simple and not very interesting to read. It was simple in a way that everyone probably has the same thoughts and could write it just like I did. To make it more interesting I could leave the theme, and change the voice and style within the paper.

The voice in the paper pertained to the normal student who wrote about their education. It was plain and did not express any real values I had toward my education. Sure I want to graduate, get a job, and have fun, but doesn't everyone want to do this?

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