"First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage": Living Together, the Step Before Marriage

"First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage": Living Together, the Step Before Marriage

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One of the things I remember from childhood is the innocent, if not irritating, repetition of four-line songs on the playground. One lyric in particular seems to have embedded itself in my memory and lasted through the years: “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in a baby carriage.” I am sure most of my fellow college students remember it well.

Now that I am in my third year of college and in love, I find myself trying to shirk the marriage step by thinking of something that could be put in the middle of love and marriage. I am not alone. Many of my friends think about moving in with their boyfriends or girlfriends in order to fill the gap, and just as many others are actually taking the plunge.

While moving in with your significant other may seem like the perfect solution to help stall the big walk down the aisle, it isn’t. In fact, it will eventually have the opposite effect on your relationship, and more than likely you’ll end up old, alone and unhappy. Your beauty will have faded, and the fellow singles in your now middle-aged category will be seeking younger, more nimble models. You’ll wish you could have done something to save your marriage.

Marriage is something that most of us will inevitably come to face within the next five to 10 years. I have always loved the idea of my hypothetical husband carrying me up the steps of our first home together after a big, beautiful, white wedding. Yet, if we moved in together before getting hitched, that dream would no longer be able to become reality.

I do believe that couples who move in together before marriage can find ways to make it work, but the odds are against them. I was raised in the nuclear insulation of a Christian home. I have since come t...

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...s over. There are, however, some things that can spur a couple out of the sluggish rut they may be experiencing.

It is important to revive the little things that bring butterflies. Let your live-in boyfriend or girlfriend have a night out with his or her friends. Play games with one another, go to an exciting event or visit a neighboring town and go window-shopping after eating brunch. When extremely committed couples participate in new activities together, it can bring out those same feelings that were experienced long ago.

Taking things slowly is not a bad thing. There does not need to be an in-between step between the love and marriage phases. Moving in with your partner is not the answer; by no means is that taking things slow. It is just a way to mimic a marriage with no license or vows. First comes love, then comes marriage. Perhaps the children know best.

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