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effects of poor parenting
two effects of bad parenting style
effects of poor parenting
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No matter how hard we try to deny it, favoritism is a disease we’re all born with. Ever since we were little, we were persuaded into thinking it was better to favor certain things over others; colors, music, or the most famous one of all; the love from Mommy vs Daddy. These factors later on have a great impact on the way we as children develop. We try so hard to make our subconscious believe that we love everyone equally, when deep inside we know it’s not true. However, when you're a parent it is important to emphasize that your love for each child is equal. When a parent makes it obvious to a child that they have a favorite, it can start to reflect on the child's behavior. “Only with words and people and love you move at ease;” (Nims, 572)
Laura Tavares was born in 1995. Since the day she was brought into this world she was verbally abused by her mother. Being the first child, one would have thought, “she would be the most loved”. By the age of seven, there was a new baby in the house, Samuel. He was born premature, and aside from the verbal abuse, Laura started to get neglected. By age 10, she was obese and dressed like a middle aged woman. Her mother made sure that Laura knew her place as the slave in the family, waiting on Sammy hand and foot. Evidently Laura knew she was not the favorite, and she made it her goal to change that. She became a straight A student, and was know as the best dancer at our school. She lost weight, and got a job where she made over $1000 a week. Meanwhile cleaning a house that would outshine the sun if she cleaned it anymore, all to gain the love of her mother. “I need a mother”- She would constantly say to me. Till this day Laura has been trying to prove to her mother, that she is worthy of her ...
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...active Attachment Disorder: Symptoms, Treatment & Hope for Children with Insecure Attachment. N.p., n.d. Web.
01 Apr. 2014. .
Booth, Phyllis B., M.A, and Linda Wark, Ph.D. "Children's Attachment Relationships."Children's Attachment Relationships. N.p., n.d. Web. 02 Apr. 2014.
Cbs. "Child of Rage - The Documentary." YouTube. YouTube, 27 Sept. 2009. Web. 02 Apr. 2014.
"Family Dynamics." Personal interview. 29 Mar. 2014.
Nims, John F. "Love Poem." Literature: A Portable Anthology. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2009. N. pag. Print.
Pelzer, David J. A Child Called "it": An Abused Child's Journey from Victim to Victor. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, 1995. Print.
Walker, Alice. "Everyday Use." Literature: A Portable Anthology. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2009. N. pag. Print.
Walker, Alice. “Everyday Use.” Literature: Reading Fiction, Poetry and Drama. Ed. Robert DiYanni. 6th ed. New York: McGraw Hill, 2007. 743-749.
A Child Called “It” is a story based on a real life little boy’s tribulations with his mothers shocking abuse. The first part of Dave's life was idyllic in his memory--he says his family was "the Brady Bunch"--a loving mother and father with whom he enjoyed wonderful holidays and a happy trip to the Russian River. Everyone on the outside thought that David’s family was perfect. No one in their neighborhood would have suspected anything was wrong. All that changed when Dave was in first grade. For no known reason, his mother singled him out from his siblings and began abusing him. The abuse began relatively mildly. When he and his brothers did something wrong, Dave was the one to receive punishment--at first simply banishment to the corner of a bedroom. Then, his mother began spending her days watching TV and drinking beer. Easily irritated, she yelled at Dave for the slightest reason, or sometimes for no reason at all. Soon, instead of making him go down to the basement, Mrs. Pelzer smashed Dave's face against the mirror, then made him repeat, over and over, "I'm a bad boy! I'm a bad boy!" He was forced to stand for hours staring into that mirror. Dave's father soon joined The Mother, as David called her, in her drinking. He, too, knew David was a "good boy." He did not join in the abuse, but he did not to stop it, either. David was treated like a slave in his own home. His mother treated him as if he wasn’t even a member of the family like a nobody or an “It”. She first referred to him as, “The Boy, then it quickly changed to It”. Nobody at his school liked him, they called him "Pelzer Smelzer" because his mom never washed his clothes and made him wear the same thing every day. After school, o...
The book A Child Called “It” was written by Dave Pelzer. “In the years before I was abused, my family was the “Brady Bunch” of the 1960s. My two brothers and I were blessed with the perfect parents. Our every whim was fulfilled with love and care.” These are Dave’s words about his family before he was abused by his mother. Dave Pelzer has experienced a truly extraordinary life. As a child, he was abused by his alcoholic mother, which included physical torture, mental cruelty, and near starvation. Upon Dave's rescue, he was identified as one of the most severely abused children in California's history. At age 12, Dave's teachers risked their careers to notify the authorities and saved his life. Upon Dave's removal, he was made a ward of the court and placed in foster care until he enlisted in the U.S. Air Force at age 18. As a young adult Dave was determined to better himself--no matter what the odds.
Walker, Alice. “Everyday Use.” Literature: Reading, Reacting, Writing, Compact. Ed. Laurie G. Kirszner., and Stephen R. Mandell
Hurley, Jennifer (1999). Child Abuse Opposing Views . San Diego : Greenhaven Press, Inc. print.
...s one with the knowledge necessary to incorporate methods for evoking change and empathize. It becomes easier to understand how certain maladaptive behaviors are developed as certain characteristics are learned patterns and not solely based on one’s personality. There are very many areas of attachment that need to be studied. As the population of minorities, working mothers, single parent homes, and children in the foster care system rise the ability to assess their ability to attach as well as develop new attachments is crucial. The works by Bowlby, Ainsworth, and Main have provided me with new interest in the attachment styles of children to their caregivers. It has allowed me to adjust the way in which I interact with my own daughter and other children in my presence to help establish new and beneficial adult attachments so that they can grow and feel empowered.
Walker, Alice. “Everyday Use.” Literature: Reading Fiction, Poetry, Drama, and the Essay. 4th ed. Robert DiYanni, Ed. New York: McGraw Hill, 1998. 408-413.
Admittedly, many psychologists define attachment as an enduring affectionate bond that one person forms between himself and another person throughout life. Since Mary Ainsworth provided the most famous research: strange situation, offering explanations how each individual differences in attachment. However, in this Adult Attachment Style questionnaire that I took, I found many factors relevant to attachment as it was defined in the textbook. For example, in the textbook, it defines attachment based on Ainsworth research, the strange situation by observing attachment forms between mother and infants. Which they are described in four attachment styles: securely attached, insecure avoidant, insecure resistant, and insecure disorganized. The questions on the questionnaire were based on those areas to determine my style of attachment.
Infant attachment is the first relationship a child experiences and is crucial to the child’s survival (BOOK). A mother’s response to her child will yield either a secure bond or insecurity with the infant. Parents who respond “more sensitively and responsively to the child’s distress” establish a secure bond faster than “parents of insecure children”. (Attachment and Emotion, page 475) The quality of the attachment has “profound implications for the child’s feelings of security and capacity to form trusting relationships” (Book). Simply stated, a positive early attachment will likely yield positive physical, socio-emotional, and cognitive development for the child. (BOOK)
Walker, Alice. “Everyday Use.” Robert DiYanni, ed. Literature: Reading Fiction, Poetry, and Drama. 6th ed. Boston: McGraw-Hill, 2007.
Attachment is described as the close emotional bond between two people and Attachment Theory (AT) generally concentrates on the early bonds in a person’s development as well as the effects that these bonds have on later socio-emotional development. While emphasis on attachment as an antecedent for future behavior and personality has decreased somewhat in recent years, it is interesting to note that the DSM IV-TR includes a “reactive attachment disorder” which it states is caused when extreme circumstances prevent proper attachment development.
Walker, Alice. "Everyday Use." Harper Anthology of Fiction. Ed. Sylvan Barnet. New York: Harper Collins, 1991.
Psychologist, Mary Ainsworth expanded upon Bowlby's original work. She conducted a study labelled the ‘Strange Situation’. In the study, based upon the children’s reactions, Ainsworth described three major styles of attachment: secure attachment, ambivalent-insecure attachment, and avoidant-insecure attachment. Work by Stroufe and Waters in 1977, further supported Ainsworth's attachment styles and have indicated that attachment styles also have an impact on behaviours later in life (Birns, 1999, p. 13). Researchers have found strengths in attachment patterns established early in life can lead to a number of outcomes. For example, children who are securely attached as infants tend to develop stronger self-esteem and better self-reliance as they grow older. These children also tend to be more independent, perform better in school, have successful social relationships, and experience less depression and anxiety (Birns, 1999, p. 13).
Walker, Alice. "Everyday Use." Literature: An Introduction to Fiction, Poetry, and Drama. Sixth edition. Eds. X.J. Dennedy and Dana Gioia. New York: Harper Collins, 1995.
Telling your child's hobbies, pets, as well as learning difficulties and strengths will provide for a more intimate school year (Spencer, 2001). One of the ways in which parents play a critical role in their children?s social development is by encouraging their interactions with other youth (Updegraff, 2001). If children are able to work in group settings, this will not only help the child get along with other students, but it will also lessen the amount of disruptions in class thereby making it easier for the teacher to teach (Barbour, 1997). Parents need to stress the importance of little things your child can do to smooth the teacher?s day and help himself learn, such as listening when classmates answer questions, writing his name on assignments, and keeping his desk and work area tidy (Spencer, 2001). Parents can help your children avoid interrupting. Teachers love enthusiasm but yelling out too often will cause unneeded disruptions. Explain the good times to speak, such as when the teacher is inviting questions and the not so good times, such as when the teacher is talking to another student or giving directions (Spencer, 2001). Practicing these classroom manners will help with less disruptions and a better teaching and learning environment. Parental involvement promotes emotional growth of a child. The attachment between a child and parent is a long-lasting, emotional, learned response. It is the attachment in a parent and child relationship that forms the basis for a child to trust or not to trust their environment (Gestwicki, 2000). This proper attachment is essential for a child to trust other adults, such as their teachers and also to trust other students and make friends.