Time spent as a family was valued, even time spent with extended family. The father worked many hours. Therefore, weekend family time became important since the family functioned effectively when they were able to frequently spend time together. Time spent with extended family was far and few between, therefore, that time together was valued by everyone since they knew it would be a significant amount of time until they were together again.
Influenced by the father’s side of the family, money was highly valued since money is needed for survival. Saving money, especially for retirement and passing onto future generations was a high priority. The father’s side of the family gained a large sum of money when farming was a lucrative profession and also from the oil excavated from their farmland. Upon the death of Melissa’s paternal grandparents, a significant amount of money was inherited with the expectation that the money would be used to gain more wealth and continue passing on the inheritance.
Alternatively, the mother’s side of the family did not have a great deal of wealth. They stuck to the belief that money will be there when needed and did not concern themselves with building wealth or making sure there was enough to pass onto other. Although they were very generous with the little money they did have. They only spent what they had, they did not believe in debt, and believed that money must be earned through hard work.
The father maintained his family’s belief in money while the mother maintained her family beliefs in money. Since the two beliefs clashed, conflict between the mother and father ensued. The father was the primary money and decision-maker so generally he won most of the battles and w...
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...involved with his wife and too over-involved with his daughter. Except for being triangulated into marital issues within the parental sub-system, the son is under-involved with the entire family.
When working with individuals or families there may be information that triggers a memory from my past, with my family of origin. Depending on the memory, sometimes all the thoughts, feelings, and emotions come in like someone opened the flood gates. Those are my memories, thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I need to pull myself out of my own head and stay focused on the person or family I am working with. I plan to use a lot of self-reflection to help keep my personal stuff out of my practice. I cannot change the characters to make them fit into my story. I am a impartial guide for another families story line and I cannot let my story interfere with theirs.
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