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My mom made the most impossibly wonderful tasting doughnuts the other day as a marketing experiment for her shop. In all, there were 24 rings of fluffy, sugary cake made from dough and fried into perfection. There was an amazing banana-vanilla filling inside and rainbow sprinkles mixed with chocolatey goodness lathered across the top... To a five-year old, it was a thing of irresistibility- three-fourths sugar, one-fourth chocolate, and all of sublime possibility.

Mom thought she was being efficient by making twelve of them early, but really, she was just guaranteeing herself a day of keeping them away from me. She also knew that it was very important to keep the doughnuts away from me. If I were to be allowed even a miniscule amount of sugar, the entire existence of my being would funnel down into one single goal- acquire and consume more and more sugar. My need for sugar would become so colossal that it would collapse on itself and form a huge vortex into which more and more sugar would be drawn, until the entire universe was rid of every molecule of sweetness. So, when I climbed up the counter and grabbed a doughnut, it was like someone had slammed their fist into huge button that said “DON’T PUSH”. I had tasted the doughnuts, and now, there was no going back. My body had transformed into a mass of pure tenacity encased in a layer of desperation. I would eat all the doughnuts, or the molecules in my body would spontaneously combust from the sheer desire in my tiny soul to taste them again.

The doughnut was half digested by the time mom noticed it was missing. She looked at me, then down at the eleven remaining doughnuts. I glanced at her hungrily, and smiled.

“Yummy,” I said, as she hurriedly put them into her box.

Let the c...

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...h, either regurgitating half-digested remains of my acquisitions or running around like a maniac. But my miserableness was nothing compared to the immense satisfaction I felt every time my terrible, conniving mother had to watch me retch up another piece of sweet, semi-digested success. See mom? This is for you. This is what happens when anything gets in between me and the sweets I want- I wordlessly challenged her to try and prevent me from getting what I wanted. Just once- just to see what happens. And at that moment, it didn’t matter how intensely sick I became- for now, I had gotten what I wanted although the most powerful people on the planet, my parents, had tried to prevent me from getting it- and I was unstoppable.

The only thing I didn’t understand, however, was why grandmother and mom thought I was going crazy when I sneaked past them using my army skills.