Yes, I am aware this is a Contradiction

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I believe that the Broncos are going to own this football season. Yes, I believe that, but that’s not my main belief. Could I go on and on for pages and pages on that belief? You bet I could, but I’m not going to. Instead I’m going to tell you why I believe I shouldn’t have to write this essay. The number one reason why I believe I shouldn’t have to write this essay is that I’m not in school, which means that I don’t want to do anything that is work related. I just want to sit on my butt, watch movies, be obnoxious, and maybe improve my nonexistent Call of Duty skills. Video games and I don’t really get along, in fact, besides for Guitar Hero, we never have. Instead of wasting my time here, I want to go and obliterate some aliens or maybe just rock out with Green Day Rockband. The last thing I want to do is schoolwork. If you think that my reason is simpleminded, half-baked, unintelligent, or even just plain idiotic, I’ll stop wasting my time and yours and move on to reason number two. With the video games behind us, I’ll explain my second reason for believing I shouldn’t have to write this essay. Can I please get a drum roll? No? That’s too bad, because I have some very talented percussionist friends. Anyway, reason number two is this: I have already written an essay with this same prompt. It’s not new. In fact, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this essay prompt. I could have just recycled my old essays, but that is dishonest, and I could never live with myself if I did that. Besides, I’m a writer, and I actually enjoy writing essays. Those of you who don’t must have a screw loose, and must be thick, mindless, and moronic. Of course, I could be the one who is witless or short minded, since the matter of intelligence... ... middle of paper ... can’t be fixed. Where reason number five should be is nothing but a conclusion, in which I discover something that many of you have probably already noticed but haven’t pointed out because you were kind enough not to interrupt me. Thank you for that, by the way. What I have discovered is this: while spending all my time and energy writing out why I believe I shouldn’t have to write this essay, I have written an essay. I have produced an essay in which I state my belief and give reasons of why my belief was valid. Now I really must thank you, o great assigner of this assignment. You have made me do something that I had no desire to do. You are really quite clever, witty, crafty, intelligent, bright, brainy and overly intelligent. In the end, it seems that I really am the one who is simpleminded, half baked, thick, mindless, moronic, and who could forget, witless.

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