With Regret and Hope

Dear Anthony,

It has taken me awhile to write this letter. Please read it with care and understand that much thought went into it.

I miss the way we used to be. I wish with all my heart that there was some way we could go back to the days where your eyes beheld me as the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, when your heart felt more alive in my presence, when the thought of me kept you warm on a cold night. I still feel that way about you.

I know that I am the one to blame for letting us die and for letting you down. I know that I messed up, the things that I did were wrong, and I wish that there were something that I could do to go back in time and undo them. I know what it's like to be hurt the way that I hurt you. It hurt me to see the pain that I caused you and not be able to do anything to make it better.

Now here we are, together again, but it doesn't feel the same. I know you still care for me, and love me, but I wonder if you are ever going to forgive me. How do we get past the hurt? What can I do for you to forgive me, to let me into your heart again, to earn back your trust and once again feel the fullness of your love?

I look back on all that I took for granted, and I wish that I had appreciated everything you offered me, and I know that if I had that back, I would work to keep it for forever. I wouldn't push it away like I did then. I would bask in every moment of your love. I want a chance to love you the right way, but I need you to let me in. The distance between us pulls at my heart. It is there even when I am in your arms. Yes, I have suffered for my sins, the greatest suffering I have ever known: feeling as if I have lost you and your love. I am asking that you forgive me.

I remember a time when we kissed and touched each other for the sheer pleasure of it. How we loved to be next to each other and had to be next to each other. We couldn't wait until we could be together again.