My father gave me no choice, but to start working, so I did. In my nightmare, I was going to high school; however, I could not pass any test or turn in any homework. All of my classmates moved on to the next semester, and I kept failing without hope. I now realize that for so many years I was just hiding; seeking refuge from my nightmare. Convincing myself with the excuse that I only had time to work, and that it was too late for me to get educated.
In high school I didn’t know what I wanted to with my life. Should I get a job or go to college? After I graduated my parents decided to get divorced so the stress and drama of the situation held me back from applying to school. I took a year off and started working at random part time jobs eventually got sick of it at finally applied to school. I registered for two classes but I made the dumb mistake of taking them with my friends from high school.
I finished off my second semester at UCA with one A, two B’s, and one C. My last semester at UCA I did not put forth any effort. I did not know if I wanted to be a public relations major any longer so I took a bunch of random classes to see if I would find anything that I might like. I started partying less and tried to focus more on school but I still devoted most of my time to the person that I was dating. I thought that my love life was more important than school because I did not know what I wanted to do and I did not see the point of going. I finished off my last semester at UCA with two A’s and three B’s.
If you had met me in high school, you would realize I am not the same person I am today. I used to believe that people do not change, they never will. Growing up I came to believe that it is impossible for people to change. This is not true, after being in college for a short four months, I am a completely different person than I was when I left home which is for the better. Unfortunately, I was arrested the first week of school.
I never belonged to many crowds and the entirety of my high school career I floated from group to group. Some might say I just never quite belonged. So I found many excuses to prolong the inevitable decisions that followed high school. This was due to the fact that I could not imagine myself anywhere other than the place I currently was. I mostly felt that I just did not belong in the adult world.
I had just quit my job before graduation I felt like anybody, I had no money, no job, and didn’t think in any further education. The environment I was in with others got worse I was getting into arguments with my fiancée because we needed to be stabled and not struggling financially, he wanted me to work full time just like he was. I didn’t want to work because of the fact we have a child and I wanted her to be at least with one of us, if we both worked she’d never see us. Finally, one night I decided I wanted to start college and work at the same time, but we finally agreed that I work less and focus more on college and our child while he worked full time things were really tough but I look at myself now and I have a lot on my plate but I still manage to hang on. Compromising when possible helps have a win-win
Because I believed this, I became more distant from my family and friends. I felt ashamed of my family because no one went to college right out of high school except for me. I felt my friends were not worthy of my time because I was in college and they were not. My biggest mistake in life was when I tried to leave my past behind me. It took me nineteen long, painful years to believe and learn never to be ashamed of who I am or where I came from.
I had no idea what I wanted to be, I wasn't in school and I wasn't sure I had the commitment to come back to school. I had no future goals. All the life goals that I had envision where crashing down. Since I knew many people knew that I was studying architecture I kept coming across to people asking me how was my progress in school. It made me feel embarrassed to tell them that I dropped out from studying it.
The benefactor who was paying my O- level secondary school, said he had no more money for my high school education and that was the end of my education”- He sadly explained. I have another example too, that of a child (name reserved) who passed primary school exam in 1999, he did not go to secondary school because he could not afford the cost. He is now a street vendor (mmachinga). Similar to that this participant shared his pain regarding the struggle for his education. When you look at my back ground regarding education is not good at all.
As for my freshman year, many mistakes were made and when action was finally taken, it was too late for those changes shine through. While I decided to go away for college, I do not think that I was mentally prepared for what was coming my way. Being a first generation college student and the first one to actually go away to school, nobody could really shed light on the topic. Understandably, I