Tribute to Matt Stone

In this essay, the author

• Opines that the shocking truth about eric cartman's lineage will not be seen tonight.
• Introduces terrance and phillip in the hbc movie of the week, not without my anus, based on a true story.
• Narrates how a monster entered dr. jeffrey o'dwyer's home and struck him repeatedly in the head with this hammer. terrance is sitting right over there.
• Explains that all of these things link terrance to the murder: hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings and a piece of his shirt.
• Narrates scott's haiku, "time to kill dr. jeffrey o'dwyer, time to have your head smashed in, with my new hammer."
• Describes the monkey claw, which feels like their colon is being ripped apart by a thousand monkeys.
• Opines that phillip's sentiments are exactly your honor. i see from your accent that you're southern canadian.
• Explains that the defense is trying to make a mockery of this court. they think farts are funny, but they're not.
• Opines that their client terrance is no more a murderer than you or me. he loves puppies and hates mean things.
• Recommends finding terrance innocent, or else he'll kill you.
• Opines that you're going to have to repeat that verdict since we had some flatulence issues.
• Opines that scott is going to see to it that you both pay for what you've done.
• Opines that fart jokes are the lowest form of comedy.
• Opines that they have hated each other since they can remember. they wish they both had cancer.
• Describes the reasons why scott always convicts phillip of murder. he does it every week.
• Opines that saddam is someone who can help you if you help him.
• Opines that it sounds like a fair trade, doesn't it? super, let's start.
• Opines that if they can't see how horribly disfigured you are, they'll want to sleep with you.
• Describes terrance's request for kroff dinner. would you like some?
• Opines that they'll never get to their kroff dinner.
• Opines that terrance, who's sally?
• Opines that their little sally is being held captive in iran, and they will have to go and find her.
• Explains that kroff dinner is a friend in need.
• Explains that phillip and i are going to iran to find her, but we may never return.
• Opines that people seem to like it. they even have a date this friday.
• Opines that they're going to help their friend find his daughter.
• Asks terrance, if i die while in iran, please bring my body back to canada, and bury me with a side of kroff dinner.
• Opines that canada stands on guard for the true north from far and wide. god keep our land glorious and free!
• Asks saddam that his buddies and i are ready to come to canada. has everything been arranged?
• Opines that everything's proceeding according to plan. now, when terrance and phillip arrive, they'll be ripped into pieces and shot several times.
• Opines that roger red dragon, scott out, and i've got you now fart lovers.
• Opines that phillip and his daughter are unwelcome strangers who don't speak the language and have no idea where to be.
• Opines that terrance is here to save sally from their smelly iranian captors.
• Opines that now that they have their bastard daughter back, they feel like asking celine dion to marry them again.
• Opines that celine brought their daughter sally back, and they want to tell you that...
• Opines that celine dion has slept with ugly bob.
• Opines that celine dion's heinous ugly husband is pregnant with his child.
• Opines that saddam helped them get rid of terrance and phillip, but why are framed pictures of you going up all over canada?
• Opines that they're not supposed to be in iran looking for their kidnapped.
• Opines that scott hates terrance and phillip more than ever. they abhor them both.
• Opines that saddam is taking over canada, but he needs a rest. he's not hiding bombs.
• Explains that they're giving them three years to clear their forces out of canada and then bombing iran.
• Explains saddam's plan to take over canada, the u.s., europe, china, newfoundland, and the world.
• Opines that scott promised them they'd be gone for good. that was his part of the bargain.
• Explains that we can get satellite feed from the u.s. and watch all their stupid tv shows.
• Opines that scott unleashed a monster unto canada and only you can get rid of him, even though i hate you and i wish you had cancer.
• Opines that scott and scott are the most annoying dicks in canada. they give other canadians a bad name and if i had my way.
• Opines that scott, son of a bitch, will get you if it's the last thing he wants.
• Opines that if you want to save canada, you'll meet scott at karl's kroff dinner restaurant in half-an-hour.
• Opines that celine dion's ugly bob is so wretchedly ugly.
• Opines that we can only hope, as long as you keep that bag on your head.
• Introduces themselves as saddam, a big fan of polo. they've been searching for celine dion.
• Explains that their friends call them ugly bob because they have the features of a deformed burn victim.
• Explains that they will officially turn the candian flag over to their iranian one at a candian football game tomorrow.
• Advises saddam to take a load off. don't think about it. look over here.
• Opines that saddam needs celine dion to sing the iranian national anthem at the game, to finalize his hostile takeover of canada.
• Describes scott's metaphor for a kind of search that can't be described.
• Describes the iraqi dictator who is quietly and slowly taking over canada.
• Explains that scott brought the iraqis back with him on his plane, when he rescued his kidnapped daughter.
• Opines that saddam's takeover of canada will be his only chance at wiping them out.
• Opines that saddam's minions are a bomb. they must sacrifice their lives to take them out.
• Opines that canada will be rid of both the iraqis and your immature fart humor when the dust settles.
• Opines that this bomb will blow us both to smithereens, but only our deaths can bring canada life.
• Opines that the rough-riders are outmatched by the roughriders.
• Announces the half-time show, saddam and the electric iraqis, and a salute to hostile takeovers.
• Describes saddam's advice to canadians: relax, put your feet up, 'cause those dogs are barking.
• Announces that canada will now be known as new baghdad.
• Opines that saddam will bow down to me as his ruler and obey my laws or be killed.
• Opines that saddam will sing the iraqi national anthem or be stabbed in the head.
• Explains that another kicks him in the ass, while yet another jumps up and down on the corpse.
• Opines that scott's criticism saved canada by farting.
• Describes the reasons why canadians stand on guard for the true north, their home and native land.
• Describes cartman's father and the new south park in just a few weeks.
• Asks judge foreperson if she has reached a verdict in terrance's murder of dr. jeffrey o'dwyer.
• Opines that only kroff dinner can calm their nerves after a long day.
• Opines that farts are a sophisticated form of comedy, but they're not. saddam: i would help you get rid of them once and for all.
• Analyzes how ugly bob's face looks like someone tried to put out forest fire with a screwdriver.
• Asks, why don't you put this paper bag over your head ugly bob?
• Opines that they must take their bastard daughter back to celine dion and see what she has to say.
• Opines that scott doesn't need a rest because he wants to know what this is all about. saddam is just making it so that terrance and phillip can never come back to canada again.
• Opines that saddam hussein has signed an agreement to let the u.s. inspect his military operations.