Tribute to Matt Stone

opinion Essay
4166 words
4166 words

Tribute to Matt Stone

Episode 201 - Not Without My Anus

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South Park Announcer: Since the last South Park you've waited four long weeks to find out who the father of Eric Cartman is. Now, finally, the shocking truth about Cartman's lineage will not be seen tonight so we can bring you the following special presentation.


HBC Announcer: Now, get ready for Canada's hottest action stars. Terrance and Phillip in the HBC Movie of the Week, Not Without My Anus, based on a true story.

[Canadian Courthouse - 10:18 A.M.]

Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, before you today sits a murderer. On the night in question, this monster entered the home of Dr. Jeffrey O'Dwyer, and struck him repeatedly in the head with this hammer. That monster is sitting right over there, and his name is Terrance.

[Dramatic Music]


Phillip: Uh, Terrance, you farted in court.

Terrance: Yes Phillip, I'm making a case for our defense.


Scott: All of these things link Terrance to the murder: hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings, a piece of his shirt

Terrance looks about confused.

Scott: A watch with his initials on it, a day planner with the murder scheduled, a haiku called "Time to Kill Dr. Jeffrey O'Dwyer." "Dr. O'Dwyer, time to have your head smashed in, with my new hammer." Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but you're not God. Je accuse Terrance.

Terrance: Would you like a monkey claw Phillip?

Phillip: Yes please.



Terrance: That's called the monkey claw cause it feels like my colon is being ripped apart by a thousand monkeys.

Phillip: The monkey claw is smelly.

The Judge hammers her gavel.

Judge: Come on, get a move-on, I ain't getting a younger up here.

Phillip: My sentiments exactly Your Honor. I see from your accent that you're Southern Canadian.

Judge: That is correct.

Phillip: Good people of the jury, my client Terrance is an innocent man.


Terrance: Oh ho, Phillip, now you farted during the closing argument.

Phillip: I have, haven't I Terrance.



Scott: Your Honor, the defense is trying to make a mockery of this court. They think farts are funny, but they're not.

Judge: Sustained.

Phillip: Good people of the jury, my client Terrance is no more a murderer than you or me. He loves puppies and hates mean things. Would a murderer go to the zoo and feed animals like this?

Phillip shows the jury of Terrance with a llama.

Phillip: Of course not. So, in summation, find Terrance innocent, or else he'll kill you.



Phillip: Just kidding. The defense rests.

Terrance pounds his fist on the table as he laughs uncontrollably.

In this essay, the author

  • Opines that the shocking truth about eric cartman's lineage will not be seen tonight.
  • Introduces terrance and phillip in the hbc movie of the week, not without my anus, based on a true story.
  • Narrates how a monster entered dr. jeffrey o'dwyer's home and struck him repeatedly in the head with this hammer. terrance is sitting right over there.
  • Explains that all of these things link terrance to the murder: hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings and a piece of his shirt.
  • Narrates scott's haiku, "time to kill dr. jeffrey o'dwyer, time to have your head smashed in, with my new hammer."
  • Describes the monkey claw, which feels like their colon is being ripped apart by a thousand monkeys.
  • Opines that phillip's sentiments are exactly your honor. i see from your accent that you're southern canadian.
  • Explains that the defense is trying to make a mockery of this court. they think farts are funny, but they're not.
  • Opines that their client terrance is no more a murderer than you or me. he loves puppies and hates mean things.
  • Recommends finding terrance innocent, or else he'll kill you.
  • Opines that you're going to have to repeat that verdict since we had some flatulence issues.
  • Opines that scott is going to see to it that you both pay for what you've done.
  • Opines that fart jokes are the lowest form of comedy.
  • Opines that they have hated each other since they can remember. they wish they both had cancer.
  • Describes the reasons why scott always convicts phillip of murder. he does it every week.
  • Opines that saddam is someone who can help you if you help him.
  • Opines that it sounds like a fair trade, doesn't it? super, let's start.
  • Opines that if they can't see how horribly disfigured you are, they'll want to sleep with you.
  • Describes terrance's request for kroff dinner. would you like some?
  • Opines that they'll never get to their kroff dinner.
  • Opines that terrance, who's sally?
  • Opines that their little sally is being held captive in iran, and they will have to go and find her.
  • Explains that kroff dinner is a friend in need.
  • Explains that phillip and i are going to iran to find her, but we may never return.
  • Opines that people seem to like it. they even have a date this friday.
  • Opines that they're going to help their friend find his daughter.
  • Asks terrance, if i die while in iran, please bring my body back to canada, and bury me with a side of kroff dinner.
  • Opines that canada stands on guard for the true north from far and wide. god keep our land glorious and free!
  • Asks saddam that his buddies and i are ready to come to canada. has everything been arranged?
  • Opines that everything's proceeding according to plan. now, when terrance and phillip arrive, they'll be ripped into pieces and shot several times.
  • Opines that roger red dragon, scott out, and i've got you now fart lovers.
  • Opines that phillip and his daughter are unwelcome strangers who don't speak the language and have no idea where to be.
  • Opines that terrance is here to save sally from their smelly iranian captors.
  • Opines that now that they have their bastard daughter back, they feel like asking celine dion to marry them again.
  • Opines that celine brought their daughter sally back, and they want to tell you that...
  • Opines that celine dion has slept with ugly bob.
  • Opines that celine dion's heinous ugly husband is pregnant with his child.
  • Opines that saddam helped them get rid of terrance and phillip, but why are framed pictures of you going up all over canada?
  • Opines that they're not supposed to be in iran looking for their kidnapped.
  • Opines that scott hates terrance and phillip more than ever. they abhor them both.
  • Opines that saddam is taking over canada, but he needs a rest. he's not hiding bombs.
  • Explains that they're giving them three years to clear their forces out of canada and then bombing iran.
  • Explains saddam's plan to take over canada, the u.s., europe, china, newfoundland, and the world.
  • Opines that scott promised them they'd be gone for good. that was his part of the bargain.
  • Explains that we can get satellite feed from the u.s. and watch all their stupid tv shows.
  • Opines that scott unleashed a monster unto canada and only you can get rid of him, even though i hate you and i wish you had cancer.
  • Opines that scott and scott are the most annoying dicks in canada. they give other canadians a bad name and if i had my way.
  • Opines that scott, son of a bitch, will get you if it's the last thing he wants.
  • Opines that if you want to save canada, you'll meet scott at karl's kroff dinner restaurant in half-an-hour.
  • Opines that celine dion's ugly bob is so wretchedly ugly.
  • Opines that we can only hope, as long as you keep that bag on your head.
  • Introduces themselves as saddam, a big fan of polo. they've been searching for celine dion.
  • Explains that their friends call them ugly bob because they have the features of a deformed burn victim.
  • Explains that they will officially turn the candian flag over to their iranian one at a candian football game tomorrow.
  • Advises saddam to take a load off. don't think about it. look over here.
  • Opines that saddam needs celine dion to sing the iranian national anthem at the game, to finalize his hostile takeover of canada.
  • Describes scott's metaphor for a kind of search that can't be described.
  • Describes the iraqi dictator who is quietly and slowly taking over canada.
  • Explains that scott brought the iraqis back with him on his plane, when he rescued his kidnapped daughter.
  • Opines that saddam's takeover of canada will be his only chance at wiping them out.
  • Opines that saddam's minions are a bomb. they must sacrifice their lives to take them out.
  • Opines that canada will be rid of both the iraqis and your immature fart humor when the dust settles.
  • Opines that this bomb will blow us both to smithereens, but only our deaths can bring canada life.
  • Opines that the rough-riders are outmatched by the roughriders.
  • Announces the half-time show, saddam and the electric iraqis, and a salute to hostile takeovers.
  • Describes saddam's advice to canadians: relax, put your feet up, 'cause those dogs are barking.
  • Announces that canada will now be known as new baghdad.
  • Opines that saddam will bow down to me as his ruler and obey my laws or be killed.
  • Opines that saddam will sing the iraqi national anthem or be stabbed in the head.
  • Explains that another kicks him in the ass, while yet another jumps up and down on the corpse.
  • Opines that scott's criticism saved canada by farting.
  • Describes the reasons why canadians stand on guard for the true north, their home and native land.
  • Describes cartman's father and the new south park in just a few weeks.
  • Asks judge foreperson if she has reached a verdict in terrance's murder of dr. jeffrey o'dwyer.
  • Opines that only kroff dinner can calm their nerves after a long day.
  • Opines that farts are a sophisticated form of comedy, but they're not. saddam: i would help you get rid of them once and for all.
  • Analyzes how ugly bob's face looks like someone tried to put out forest fire with a screwdriver.
  • Asks, why don't you put this paper bag over your head ugly bob?
  • Opines that they must take their bastard daughter back to celine dion and see what she has to say.
  • Opines that scott doesn't need a rest because he wants to know what this is all about. saddam is just making it so that terrance and phillip can never come back to canada again.
  • Opines that saddam hussein has signed an agreement to let the u.s. inspect his military operations.
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