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The Test

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Eyelids drooping, eyes watering from the constant yawns, the birds are not even awake singing their happy songs, but here I am up at four thirty in the morning cracking open my books to study. Why am I doing this? I just went to bed less than seven hours ago after a two hour study session. The reason I put myself through this ordeal is to get promoted. In the Air Force we take test to progress in our careers and get make the next rank or stripe. This time I’m studying to make Master Sergeant, E-7. I usually start out 6 months before the test, this time it’s 8. Last year I missed being promoted by 4 points. I refuse to let that happen again. That is why I’m studying like my life depended on it. My testing date is only a couple of days away and I start to panic. Did I cover all the material? What if I freeze up in the testing room? What if I’m late and they don’t let me test? I was starting to lose my mind. I had studied so much that the things I thought I knew started to confuse me. Facts started running together like a race in my mind, useless dates in Air Force history that meant absolutely nothing to me at this point in my exhaustion. “Why don’t you take a break, honey” my husband said to me as he found me staring into the computer screen. “It’s still early come back to bed.” I stared at him like he was the devil. Thanks for reminding me, I thought to myself. Only a couple more hours and I’d have to get Lexus out of bed, fix lunches for the day, and get myself together. “Not yet”, I told him. “Just let me go over this last section and then I’ll be done”. “Yeah right”, he said as he left the room. Sleep was something I was not interested in these days. As if I did not have enough to worry about. After I got this test behind me I would be fine. I could get back to being normal and doing some of the things that I had not been able to do. I wanted to get back outside to play with my daughter; the playground was calling my name. I wanted to go to bed at a decent hour.
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