The Relationship between Love and Sex
There are some things that people go through life never examining or more clearly phrased, having never taken heed too; rather they except them as the here and now, "the norm", or never give them thought. And in the instances where they do think about them, are they doing so from the "correct perspective". In other words, people don't go through life, examining or even paying a second mind to the clothes they have on their skin, (maybe you feel them now, but you didn't realize the clothes touching your body surfaces, or how they felt, until I mentioned this). Well feeling clothes on your skin isn't exactly my point, but the point I am leading up to is that people go through life never paying attention to, or never understanding how, or if, the love style they express between their partnerships correlates with their sexual style.
This topic can be argued from many perspectives, such as from an evolutionary stance, a personal stance, and even from a psychological stance. For the sake of the piece, I will be discussing it from a psychological point of view. According to Kurt Frey, a former Yale University professor and his co-writer, Mahzad Hojjat, there is a definite relationship between the style of love versus the style of sex. Their argument is that even if the love is only needed to nurture a child conceived from a sexual encounter, there still is a need for some type of love. This isn't the focus of their view, rather a mere example of the necessity of love in correlation to sex.
According to Frey and Hojjat, six styles of love and three styles of sexuality. The love styles they discussed were, agape, which is a selfless style of love where partners are all-giving, ludus...
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...and number of partners factors were entered, which were mania, storge, and agape, were the relationships that consisted of a special intimacy shared by partners, and therefore, were probably the most satisfying. However, from and experiential point of view, I personally feel that in each relationship, all six of the love styles are present at some point in the relationship. For example, ludus, which is the non-commitment love style, is existent in the commencing of relationships, and mania becomes present as feelings increase and ludus decreases, and the overall strive is to get pass all of these to positively reach the eros style of love where passion as well as lust is present and stays to maintain an level of sexual attractability to partners involved in relationships. And after this stage of love is present, partner engagement style of sex will be attainable.
These love types remain good indicators of what to look for in your own personal relationships. Starting with Friendly (Storge), this love type portrays partners who exhibit predictable behavior and whose relationship is rooted in friendship (The Office, Connor). Second, the Forgiving love type (Agape) indicates an unconditional form of love that exhibits patience and selflessness (Titanic, Robyn). The next love type is referred to as Obsessive (Mania). Obsessive lovers exhibit characteristics of extremist qualities and intense behaviors (Game of Thrones, Brantley). Similarly, the Game-Playing love type (Ludus) exhibits parallel debilitating characteristics such as lack of commitment and game-like behavior (Gossip Girl, Ashley). The final two love types are seemingly the most sought after: Practical and Romantic. Practical love (Pragma) features partners that practice relational qualities that are consistently logical and derived from common sense (Big Bang Theory, Connor). Romantic love (Eros), largely known as the “ideal” love, exhibits romantic, sentimental behaviors within a committed relationship (The Notebook ,
Unlike sex, the history of sexuality is dependant upon society and limited by its language in order to be defined and understood.
middle of paper ... ... The Agape love style shows unselfish concern along with physical sacrifice and nurturing for others. Nowhere in either of these two relationships could it be said that there was an Agape love style shown. In truth, it appears that no relationships that occurred in Random Family, whether it be with a significant other or within a family unit itself, had the aspects of an Agape style love in them.
Poets often times share their opinions through their poems. It is not always easily understood. Poets use metaphors, similes, and play with their words to show how they feel about a certain situation. In “Sex without Love” by Sharon Olds, a lot of this comes into play.
In the article “An Anthropological Look at Human Sexuality” the authors, Patrick Gray and Linda Wolfe speak about how societies look at human sexuality. The core concept of anthology is the idea of culture, the systems of attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors people acquire as a member of society. The authors give an in depth analysis on how human sexuality is looked at in all different situations.
Love and Lust in Play-By-Play, Sex without Love, and Junior Year Abroad. Lust is an incredibly strong feeling that can prove to be almost uncontrollable, leading it to commonly be mistaken for love. Due to the relative closeness of these emotions, both are often confused, and even when one is in love he or she does not recognize it. Many think that love just comes knocking on one's door and one will know when it does, but they don't realize that for love to occur, a relationship has to be worked out.
Milstein, Susan A. Taking Sides Clashing Views in Human Sexuality. Ed. William J. Taverner and Ryan W. McKee. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2009. Print.
“…sex attains meaning in social relations, which implies that we can only make appropriate choices around sexuality by understanding its social, cultueral and political context.” (Quote: 9293 jeffrey weeks)
THERE’s much more to sex than the genitals, seeing someone bare or even the most common goal of sex – an orgasm. Sex experts will tell you that sex is intimacy; it is opening yourselves to spiritual mingling, exposing and exploring your sexual desires. But these are sometimes hindered by social constructions of sexual behaviour – the taboos, the myths and misinformation can sometimes make something as natural as sex very complex.
n Robert Sternberg 's triangular theory of love, love is separated down into three different components. Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment are the three components of love and take on different roles in the theory of love. Passion involves physical and sexual attraction to the someone of interest. The feeling of excitement is also associated with passion, individuals tend to very excited to see their partner. Intimacy involves security, a sense of comfort and trust. If information about oneself is shared that it will be safe in the person of interest hands. Communication is the key element in this component. Commitment involves a decision of forming a long term relationship based on feelings for someone of interest. This in modern time in called
Jacques Balthazart, in the book, Biology of Homosexuality, examines the historical and cultural context in which homosexuality is expressed and attempts to dissect homosexual behavior and cognition from a biological perspective. He explains that there are behaviors in human sexuality that exhibit greater diversity than the sexual behavior of other animals. This exertion may lead one to conclude that human sexuality, as a result of its biological and emotional components, is more complex than the sexuality of other species. (Balthazart, p.4)
First of all, Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1986) suggested that there are three components of love, including intimacy, passion and commitment,
Boston: Bedford/St. Martins,. 349. The. “Psychological Theories About the Dynamics of Love (I).” 01 Mar. 2005 http://psychology.about.com/library/weekly/aa022000a.htm Richmond, Raymond Lloyd.
For a healthy relationship, one needs to be able to function without total dependence on their mate. There are three main aspects of love. According to the triangular theory of love, these three components include intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment. Intimacy is the feeling of being connected and close to another person. It is getting to know the person beyond the friendship level and understanding them on a romantic level.
A fundamental step for understanding the links between human nature and intimate relationships is by understanding human sexuality. Alfred Kinsey, in his pioneering study on human sexual behaviour, illustrated the degree to which individuals differ in their sexual attitudes, beliefs and preferences (Kinsey, Pomeroy & Martin, 1948). In particular, a marked difference was highlighted in individuals’ sociosexual attitudes and behaviours. Following this, many of the sociosexual features individuals differ in, including preferred frequency of sexual intercourse, the number of different sexual partners they predict to have in the future, and their willingness to engage in uncommitted relationships, have shown to covary (Eysenk, 1976, as cited in Barnes, Malamuth & Check, 1984). Considered together, these features compose an individual difference dimension named sociosexuality (Snyder, Simpson & Gangestad, 1986). Sociosexuality reflects the tendency to engage in uncommitted, casual sexual encounters (Simpson & Gangestad, 1991). Those with a restricted sociosexual orientation typically prefer closeness and commitment from their romantic partner before engaging in sex (Simpson & Gangestad, 1991). Such individuals claim they rarely have one-night stands, and require emotional intimacy within a romantic relationship before feeling comfortable with sex (Simpson & Gangestad, 1991). Conversely, unrestricted individuals require little or no emotional bond with a partner in order to have sex. These individuals are more likely to be involved in extra-marital relationships (Seal, Agostinelli & Hannett, 1994), and exhibit more frequent displays of sexual assertiveness such as flirting (Simpson, Gangestad & Nations, 1996).