The Promise

Lily stared across the field at the woods in the distance as she rocked back and forth on an old porch swing that had been left to decay in the field. The clouds were starting to roll in, and with impeccable timing too, as she would hear the familiar cry from her mother to come in and eat supper any time now. She looked down at the ground, trying to hide the tears reflected in her eyes. How much longer will I have to live here, she thought grimly.
Because college was so expensive, Lily had been living with her mother out of necessity for the last 4 months. It had been years since they spoke like anything resembling friends, and even longer since Lily thought of Darlene as her mother. When she was a child, no more than 9 or 10, Darlene had been diagnosed with personality disorder. Lily had always thought of her episodes as part of just who she was and never thought of it as anything else, but her mother’s boyfriends had more of an influence than she ever did. Waves and waves of prescription pills came pouring into their home and, along with it, the waves of random lovers that her mother could never quite hold on to. There was always fighting or screaming or violence around her and her mother had been completely different ever since.
She never judged her mother for her disease, but she did despise her for all the lost years that were taken from her because of her mother’s need for anyone other than her – an almost addictive need for affection. She kept things neutral, though, because she knew of the kind of anger her mother was capable of. Things were decent, at least for now. Until then, however, things were just the way they were because they had to be, she reminded herself. Just go through the paces. Things will get better soo...

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...e sharpening block and was facing towards Lily with a remorseless gaze. “Mom…. Mom what are you doing? It’s me, your daughter… I would never hurt you. I promise.”
I promise, Lily thought for a moment. How powerful those words are, to vow something to someone so entirely. She had never said those two words to anyone before, she was always scared she couldn’t keep a promise so she avoided those words at all cost. In this moment, though, she said them unconsciously, hoping for a red light somewhere in her mother’s vision.
Her mother stopped stone cold in her step, stared at Lily for a second, and then dropped the knife down on the counter before falling to her knees. “I’m so sorry Lily, I didn’t mean to. I didn’t. I swear!” Lily was used to a certain psychosis before this, but this was the worst she’d ever seen. Her mother had never aimed an episode at her before.