It would be entirely wrong for me to describe my childhood as alone, unwanted, vulnerable, and hurt. I am privileged; I grew up with both my parents giving me more love and attention than I could hold. Most times I grew to hate all the constant affection and attention. To me, it seemed like my overprotective parents didn’t want me to have fun and live. I didn’t understand why they cared so much about where I was going or why I couldn’t go hang out with my friends.
People change. Brad has always been sorta an achoholic but he began to get worse. His kids had gotten too used to my brother and I and started treating us badly and not welcoming us into their family anymore. Things were shifting fast to me but my mom didnt see it. I would tell her but she still wasnt aware of it.
From my experience, most parents hate being told how to parent their child and I certainly did not want to offend the mother. Both of her boys needed help but I did not know or understand how to help them. It is interesting to reflect back on this time and apply what I now know about the
I hated the way that my father was too busy providing for us physically that he never had time to provide for us emotionally. I hated my mother for her sickness, and how she could never spend time with me due to being bed-ridden. I harbored contempt for my siblings and their lack of regard for the reality of what had happened. I pushed away my friends because I thought that they didn’t understand and that they had abandoned me in my darkest hour. It would not be long before those relationships were nearly severed from my life, and I would be all alone in my mind, inside a prison of resentment and fury I had created for
Often times though, he would blame his lack of involvement on his low self-esteem. He periodically would have some involvement such as times when my grandma would provide him money to take me for activities so he could get to know the girl I was becoming. However, I never received the same involvement from him, any time I began to self-disclose I would hit a brick wall. This would often resulting in me crying to someone, typically my mother or grandmother, about how upset it made me and further drove a wedge in our relationship because I never would talk to my dad about my frustrations with our relationship but rather other people. Because of the lack of involvement on his end it was very difficult to reach the intimacy stage, however with a little probing from my grandparents and my mother we slowly reached it around the time I was six or seven.
My brothers hated it, they were much older than I was, and refused to move every week, because everything that we needed was at our permanent house. I disliked the adjustments they had made, I disliked that my mother filed for divorce and I absolutely disliked how separated we all were. I began to blame my mother, because filing was her decision. I thought she was selfish, and they didn’t try hard enough to stay together nor work things
I felt as if spending time with my mom, would make my dad would jealous and vice versa. At such a young age it was very overwhelming and I felt alone and scared. It was scary due to being new as well as not knowing what the outcome of the situation. I felt alone due my two older siblings not being in the home anymore. They were away with only a small idea of what was happening.
But he said to himself, " Besides, I have to provide for my parents and my sister. (pp. 82-83)." He felt that his family was too dependent of him. When Gregor wouldnt let anyone in his room in fear that they would be horrified by his condition, he thought that his family was harassing him because he was in danger of losing his job, and because the chief would begin harassing his parents again for the old debts" (p. 76).
I was mainly angry with my mom though for her decision. To my eight year old self, I felt as if it wasn’t fair. I was her precious girl and entire world and I knew she would do anything to see my happy. For that particular reason was why i couldn 't comprehend her decision. I wasn 't happy with the outcome, I hoped she would forgive him and we could be a family
His suspicions and paranoia intensified when I entered high school and I tried to make friends. This caused him to literally cut me off from contact with the rest of the world. His fear of losing me grew as time went on. I was estranged from my family because I was never home and I was no longer close with my friends because he always managed to find a reason for me not to be with them. The actions that he took against me were things that no one should ever experience in a "loving" relationship.