According to John Gottman, emotional intelligence is the key of a successful marriage, with the argument being that a person who is more in touch with emotions is likely to get along well with other people. The same principle applies in successful marriages. A couple that is emotionally intelligent can understand, honor and have respect for one another and their marriage. Gottman says that we aren’t born with emotional intelligence. It is learnt over a long time. In addition, emotional intelligence plays a role in helping couples to recognize the value of marriage, which is the key to a successful marriage. Gottman says that unhappy marriages are characterized by psychological arousal. Gottman says that successful conflict resolution does not …show more content…
This principle is the knowledge of the spouse’s small memories in life. This is the creation of a connection, which is a requirement for a healthy relationship. It is important for a husband and wife to connect, which means that they are turning towards one another, and this only achieved by the reflecting of minor times that are spent together connecting. The result of this is that partners will feel valued and appreciated by their partner. Gottman says that turning toward each other forms the foundation of emotional linking, passion, romance and an enjoyable sex life among couples. In addition, turning toward each other unites partners so that they can face the rough times in their marriage. According to Gottman, emotional reconnection is achieved through the little everyday things that make your spouse feel appreciated and valued (Gottman, …show more content…
Maintaining one’s identity is important in the relationship. However, it is also important for a person to make room for influence from their spouse. Gottman says that if spouses can make room for influence, it will create respect at a deeper level. This is usually effective in addressing cases associated with the difficulties due to partners being unwilling to share power (Gottman, 1999). Gottman argues that cases of happiest marriages are when there is sharing of power and decision-making. It is important that couples should not accept influence as expressing negative feelings towards one’s spouse. Holding back negative feelings from your partner is not good for a successful marriage. A significant element is that a relationship needs a firm basis for compromising. In addition, spouses should be able to learn from each other in order to build a healthy relationship. Involving one’s partner in important decision-making results in the development of a marriage that is made by couples who are intelligent
In her essay “The Myth of Coparenting: How it is supposed to be. How it is,” Hope Edelman discusses the issues that she faces when dealing with marriage roles. According to her descriptions, her husband doesn’t play an active role in their domestic life and only focuses on his career. Edelman often gets into arguments with him over his disinterest and lack of contribution to home life. She responds to this lack of interest by buying a swing set along with other items against the husband’s wishes. Similarly, Eric Bartels’ essay “My Problem with Her Anger” discusses the effects of marital roles from the husband’s perspective. He argues that although he is not the most active with domestic life, he does contribute. Bartels claims that his wife’s anger makes it hard for the family to function. Bartels proves his dedication to their family by showing how he gives up drinking beer in order to dedicate more time to helping out around the house. Both Edelman and Bartels express love for their children and frustration at their spouse. As a result of this, references to the swing set in Edelman’s essay and to beer in Bartels’ essay reveal that when there is a disagreement between the husband and wife in a marriage, it is possible that one of the partners will express their emotion through rebellion against his spouse
As a supervisor in the military, I encountered an airman who had all the right qualifications according to the Air Force, but he was not able to complete his contracted term of six years. He survived basic training and a pretty intense two month technical school, but he only lasted two years in the Air Force before he was asked to leave. To work in the Public Affairs career field, he had to score well on the military entrance exam which means he demonstrated the cognitive abilities – a usual predictor of success. However, he was separated from the Air Force because of his poor social skills. This paper will discuss whether the airman's Emotional Intelligence (EI) could have been improved and the importance of a high EI to an organization.
We can reduce the amount of violence, arguments and miscommunications by effectively balancing power. People can work together to make relationships more equal in creative ways and find outlets that will manage conflict better. This allows people to work together more productively for the good, particularly when faced with conflict. When power is balanced we can learn to reach agreements more effectively and fairly. It is necessary to continually even out the power balance in relationships whenever warranted. One way to avoid conflict at home is to balance out household duties. It is very important for one to not feel as they are contributing to more of the household chores than the other. Each of us is more productive with certain projects than others are. On that same note, each of us like doing things more than others. I always clean the kitchen, wash the dishes, load and unload the dishwasher, etc, although my partner does most of the prepping and cooking. It is a balance, therefore, we rarely argue over who is doing more than the other when it comes to cooking and cleaning. We appreciate our differences and use them to add value to our relationship. As stated in the text, everyone has potential currencies that can be used to balance or gain power in our relationships. Power Currencies define how much
Throughout the years of slavery, slaves were subjected to various forms of physical and emotional tortures being forced upon them by their slave masters. For a slave woman, one of these hardships included that of being separated from her children, never to see them again, through the selling of slaves. If a slave master were to decide that they wanted to buy or sell only one slave from a family no questions were asked. Harriet Beacher Stowe, a white, and the daughter of a priest with a strong religious background, found herself able to relate to a slave woman in terms of the feeling brought from losing a child. In 1849, Stowe lost her infant son Charlie to cholera. This experience left her devastated. 1848 brought about the beginning of the
Marital satisfaction and other related contacts (e.g., marital adjustment, marital quality, and marital happiness) are studied widely by family researchers. However, there is no consensus regarding their definition and measurement. Some scholars have argued that these constmcts are not synonymous (e.g., Heyman, Sayers, & Bellack, 1994;
" Family Relations 52.4 (2003): 363-72. Print. Hanson, Richard R. "Optimizing Marital Success: The Conscious Couple Uniting Process. "
Marriage is a copmlicated but lovely bonding in which two individual spend their life with eachother and play a important role in meeting the demands of man and woman.(Berne,Steiner, Dusay, 1973). Marital conflicts happen when one or both people are self-centered. One selfishly wants what he wants without consideration for the capabilities, plans, or goals of his spouse. Researches has
In the book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, the central thesis that he tries to point out is that emotional intelligence may be more important than I.Q. in determining a person’s well being and success in life. At first I didn’t know what Goleman was talking about when he said emotional intelligence, but after reading the book I have to say that I agree completely with Goleman. One reason for my acceptance of Goleman's theory is that academic intelligence has little to do with emotional life. To me, emotions can be just as intelligent as your I.Q. In this essay I hope to provide sufficient evidence to show why I agree with Goleman’s thesis on emotional intelligence.
...tionship. As with any relationship, marriage is no different. Each member of a marital dyad must have clearly defined, and understood communication between them. Satisfaction and stability in a marriage is achieved through communication and interaction between its members. A breakdown of interpersonal communication is positively related to dissatisfaction in a marriage.
An individual’s ability to control and express their emotions is just as important as his/her ability to respond, understand, and interpret the emotions of others. The ability to do both of these things is emotional intelligence, which, it has been argued, is just as important if not more important than IQ (Cassady & Eissa, 2011). Emotional intelligence refers to one’s ability to perceive emotions, control them, and evaluate them. While some psychologists argue that it is innate, others claim that it is possible to learn and strengthen it. Academically, it has been referred to as social intelligence sub-set. This involves an individual’s ability to monitor their emotions and feelings, as well as those of others, and to differentiate them in a manner that allows the individuals to integrate them in their actions and thoughts (Cassady & Eissa, 2011).
In the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) John M. Gottman provides insight on the seven fundamental tools to construct positive relationships. Through long years of research, Gottman studied married couples and noted degenerative behaviors that hindered the formation and attainment of a long and healthy marriage. Gottman research focused on several key behavioral predictors of divorce, which he calls the “The Four Horsemen”; Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
Emotional intelligence has a large amount of number, which in common with social intelligence. Both of them are relevant with perception and understanding of other’s emotion, oneself and act cleverly way in interpersonal relationships. They are mood driver, a neurological and biological state of mind which are the significant key for human relationship, furthermore they are overlapping, interdependent and multidimensional. Additionally, found that most successful people seem to behave wiser in socially and emotionally, for instance, in the workplace and close relationships (Kang,Day, & Meara, 2005). However, each of them contains and focuses on different elements. According to
Marital quality, is traditionally defined as an, “individual’s affective response varying in the amount of satisfaction, gratification, or happiness with his or her marriage” (Shriner, 2009, p. 83). Martial satisfaction is often used as a global best measure of marital quality. The Quality of Marriage Index, for example, is a six-item measure of marital quality, which only includes questions that relate to marital satisfaction (Norton, 1983). Fincham and Bradbury (1987), found that the Marital Adjustment Test (Locke and Walace, 1959), which is purposed to assess overall marital quality, has 22% of the possible score on this assessment as marital happiness. The Dyadic Adjustment Scale (Spanier, 1976), another measurement that is commonly used to assess marital quality, assesses for satisfaction and other aspects of marriage including dyadic consensus, cohesion, and affection expression. However, these subscales although admirable, all assess for compatibility, which indirectly points back to satisfaction within the relationship. To be more clear, satisfaction and compatibility go hand it hand with the American glamorization of romantic love and the assumptions that if spouse are compatible and satisfied, these are the ingredients to a long happy marriage (Crawford, Houts, Huston, & George, 2002). Crawford et. al (2002) mentioned that, “the consistency of the link found between companionship and satisfaction has been such that the notion that companionship is some how ‘good’ for marriage has acquired the status of a cultural truism” (p.
When there is a lack of communication, relationships seem to fall apart. So for that matter, two people who were suppose to be partner, eventually end up going to court for to get legally separated. After all, when there is little to no communication or any other type of emotional connection, divorce seems to be the only way to resolve the problem. “Many couples marry because they share similar beliefs, but as time changes so do people.” (Odinity.com). Another problem that led to lack of communication is that everyone is so busy working; they don’t feel they need to talk to their husband or wife. Some couples are often quiet even when they have problems with each other, but decided to not deal with it instead. As a consequence, little problems will begin to expand to become bigger problems, resulting in divorce. This does not happen in a happy marriage because the partners in a healthy relationship seem to have a more open way of talking with each other. They discuss everything to be sure that they are on the same page, so to speak. Divorce is commonly done because of this lack of being able to talk openly to each other, and express their feelings and emotions. Nevertheless, this is not the main problem as to why people are getting divorce. As the economy grows, so does the human’s intellectual. Couple therapy is a very popular solution to most marriages problem nowadays. If people feel like their marriage is at risk, many chooses the option of going to couple therapy. It not only is effective, many stated that it is satisfying. “Over 98 percent of those surveyed reported that they received good or excellent couples therapy, and over 97 percent of those surveyed said they got the help they needed.”
Susan Heitler) “Communication in relationships is like a river. When thoughts and feelings flow smoothly between marriage partners it 's fun, feels good, and helps support everyone around. However, when communication flow is turbulent, it 's potentially dangerous and destructive. And when communication gets blocked, pressure builds up. Then when the words start flowing again, they tend to come out suddenly in a damaging raging flood” If you and your spouse do not communicate effectively, you are both likely to experience frustration, anger and resentment. On the other hand, couples who communicate well experience fulfilled relationships, empathy and true intimacy with their spouses. Effective communication in marriage is perhaps the single most important aspect of a successful