Reflection Paper

Though I was close with my friends, I knew from the start that I wasn’t one of them. Aside from the obvious, superficial differences between our bodies, I felt a difference on the inside that did not make any sense. We were the same height, with the same frame and had the same physical ability. Where did this feeling originate? This sudden inferiority did not feel natural. It felt like I had just discovered a festering tumor inside me. In reality, this feeling had been brewing in me since I stepped foot on American soil, and will continue throughout my life. I had unknowingly been placed into a social group that has shaped me into the person I am today. Social pressures have acted on my life like gravity, pushing into me from every angle and

I had no character to relate to, and no movie hero that shared my struggle. Looking for an escape, I soon realized the only way to escape was to not conform to Hollywood’s image of me. Starting my first year of high school, I began taking major steps to discontinue the pattern of being a shy and weak Asian male as portrayed by the media. Society had placed me into a group that I did not fit into. I was a leader, not a shy and timid bystander. I was an athlete, not a weak and scrawny man. Breaking the stereotype did not feel like so at all, because there were many Asian men like me who did not relate to society’s accepted belief about them. Comparably, Asian media portrays Asian men as lead stars who save the day, similar to the Chris Hemsworths and Channing Tatums of the

I did not feel like I belonged, and any effort by me to display my masculinity felt unnatural. Acting like myself had become playing a character. I felt like the media stripped me of my masculinity and manliness, and it was up to me to show that I still had it. I started acting out in school, being loud even if I was a naturally reserved person. This was my pathetic way of pleading an exclusion from the social group I was placed in. Social media and Hollywood portrayals had left me with no relatable idols, which made it hard to enjoy the material being put out. I looked to my father and grandfathers for guidance, and thought they did not face the same struggle as me, they were placed in social groups that they did not belong to. I learned and accepted that no matter what I did, the socialization of others will see me differently as I see myself. It was not up to me to change their minds; they had to make the choice and see it for themselves. Though the basic portrayals of Asian males in our culture have been negative, it has put me through a rewarding experience that has shaped my