The Berafian Model: A Grief Processing Process

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The Berafian Model I have had the privilege to walk alongside many people on their grief journeys. Throughout my thirty years of assisting others, I have developed a model of grief processing I call the Berafian Model. This model allows me an opportunity to work with various ages as well as cultural backgrounds. According to the dictionary, the English term bereavement comes from an ancient Germanic root word that means “to rob.” That is a perfect definition. There is no better description of how we feel after a loss, than that of feeling robbed. From this word, the concept of relocation came into existence. I believe that an individual must relocate their grief from…show more content…
Why did they die? Why didn’t you stop it from happening? These are common questions asked following a loss. During this time of processing, two feelings are predominant; anger and guilt. The feeling of anger can be externally directed toward other people such as family members, colleagues, store clerks, bank tellers, and even pets. The anger can also be directed inwardly; this is when someone is angry with themselves. In both of these situations, the anger is misdirected. The anger being experienced is actually anger at the person that died. That is not meant to say we are angry with the person that died, rather we are angry at the loss of their physical presence in our life. We have been robbed of the opportunity to be with our loved one. Guilt is the other strong emotion that can be present when we are experiencing a loss. Many individuals get lost in guilt. These individuals believe they could have, should have, or would have been able to prevent their loved one from dying. If we step back and look at the situation, we realize we are only human. It is not our fault someone has died. We are not powerful enough to actually stop death from happening. Guilt is self-blame and it becomes a viscous circle that makes it hard to process grief. When individuals are able to rid ourselves of anger and/or guilt, it becomes possible to find…show more content…
This is the National Bird of the United States of America. The Bald Eagle flies the highest of all birds. It can see its prey from one mile away. They have a 60 to 1 kill ratio. Their nests are usually 5 foot by 5 foot weighing approximately two tons. They have no other predators other than man. Their name comes from the Traditional Native Language; bald means white. The Native American tradition teaches that the Bald Eagle is a messenger. It carries the prayers of our humanness up to the Creator. It is believed that once a prayer has been delivered, a feather is released. That is why the eagle feather is so sacred. But when storms come, what do bald eagles do? Most people incorrectly believe the bald eagle will go to their nest. Bald eagles actually take off and fly above the storm. They open up their seven foot wing span and glide until the storm is over. How does this relate to humans struggling with their grief? Individuals will do everything they can to avoid dealing with their loss. They try to rise above it. I will keep busy. I will work 50 to 60 hours a week. I will drink three, four, or more beers to numb it away. In reality, nothing changes and the grief remains avoided and it does not go

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