For my honors assignment, I chose the TED talk “The secret to desire in a long-term relationship” by couple’s therapist Esther Perel. As I read down the list through my options for the assignment write up, this one caught my attention right away. I feel as though this article specifically lured me in because I could relate to it the most, taking that I have been in a long-term relationship for seven years. I felt that choosing to write about this TED talk would be beneficial to me in hearing what Esther Perel had to say on the topic that may affect someone just like me, and to also connect to all that we have learned in FSHD 237 this semester. During her TED talk, Perel’s main message was about love and desire and the distinct difference …show more content…
The first significant point she made in her talk was that regarding relationship expectations. She emphasized how people in relationships have extremely high expectations for their partners and what one may partner may expect, is what an entire village used to provide an individual with in much older times. (Perel, 3:28) She gave examples of each love and desire and their purpose in the relationships people are in. There is a basic craving for love in terms of security, dependability and permanence (Perel, 2:07), while on the other hand people also yearn for desire classified by adventure, mystery and surprise. (Perel, 2:46) Love is described as ‘to have’, and she is referring to people having the beloved and the closeness that they gift us with. (Perel, 4:25) Desire on the other hand is described as ‘to want’, which is a much more complex place in our lives since it is much more mysterious and is connected to spontaneity. (Perel, 4:32) Perel explains that there are different times …show more content…
Perel explains how the culture we live in now withholds different expectations for love in individualistic societies. (Perel, 0:53) This connects to what we learned in the love chapter. We learned that in western cultures, there is an overall focus on “attraction and matching” and the expectation that they will live “happily ever after” with their partner. (Clark, 2015a) These are the expectations Perel is referring to which individualistic societies now rely on in forming their concept for what love should be like in relationships. These expectations however, may also be impacted by interdependency and our compassion level. For example, comparison level “describes the value of the outcomes that we believe we deserve in our dealings with others.” (Miller, 2012, Interdependency, p.176) Our prior events that we have experienced may serve to explain why individuals have these high expectations, especially since the current culture we live. Perel mentions that couples commonly tend to bring up the fact that they want more sex (Perel, 10:37), which in the sexuality chapter we learned that sexual desire and frequency has different factors that are taken into account. For example, comparison level is overall an important aspect to consider here and rather than “evaluating how often they have sex or the degree to which they disagree about sex,” couples should instead
The TED Talk “Why 30 is not the new 20” by Meg Jay, was a powerful and successful speech. Jay delivers an inspirational message to twenty-year-olds to not waste away important years of their life in an unmeaningful relationship or career. Instead she stresses the importance of searching for a life-long partner sooner rather than later in life. She also talked about taking career risks while still young, because these opportunities will likely be indefeasible later in life. Jay 's main points were very effective in persuading one to consider living by this set of social standards. It is clear that Meg Jay is an experienced public speaker, because of how well the overall presentation was. She does all of the basics perfectly, such as standing
He attempts to convert A into an ethicist by using conjugal, or companionate love, as an example of how leading an ethical life does not mean surrendering all enjoyment and pleasure. Marriage falls under the umbrella of conjugal love. In “The Aesthetic Validity of Marriage,” Wilhelm offers an enlightening comparison of romantic love (in the aesthetic form) and conjugal love, arguing that the aestheticism of romance is not lost with long-term companionship or marriage and the challenges and responsibilities that come with it. Rather, marriage speaks to a higher form of aestheticism because it includes both love and sensuality — not just fickle lust (Kierkegaard). Those, like Johaness, who view long-term love with cynicism either marry for convenience or end up alone because they are blind to the possibility of anything
Finally, even though, for a long time, the roles of woman in a relationship have been established to be what I already explained, we see that these two protagonists broke that conception and established new ways of behaving in them. One did it by having an affair with another man and expressing freely her sexuality and the other by breaking free from the prison her marriage represented and discovering her true self. The idea that unites the both is that, in their own way, they defied many beliefs and started a new way of thinking and a new perception of life, love and relationships.
Sexuality is very diverse, in some instances normality is based on the cultural context of the individual 's society. In "The other side of desire" by Daniel Bergner, the author goes in depth into the lives of four individual 's whose lust and longing have led them far down the realms of desire. The current paper addresses the four individual 's Jacob, the Baroness, Roy, and Ron each exhibits a paraphilia that may or may not meet the full criteria in the DSM-5. Furthermore, each person’s specific paraphilia is conceptualized and explained in depth. Countertransferential issues anticipated before working with these individuals is analyzed and clarified. Also, the apprehension of sexual arousal and sexual behaviors is conceptualized into normality
The Progress of Love by Alice Munro Plot: Woman gets a call at work from her father, telling her that her mother is dead. Father never got used to living alone and went into retirement home. Mother is described as very religious, Anglican, who had been saved at the age of 14. Father was also religious and had waited for the mother since he first met her. They did not have sex until marriage and the father was mildly disappointed that the mother did not have money.
The definition of a relationship has changed so many times in the past decades. It has gone from a connection between two people to an obsession and almost a competition. In today’s world a relationship consists of major intimacy and closeness. There are some who believe that intimacy while dating is wrong. They form their own definition of a relationship into what they call a “godly relationship”. Those supporting that kind of a relationship condemn sexual closeness and monitor who their young people are allowed to date. There are two worlds of dating in our lives today; one with infatuation and the other with togetherness.
In the article, “The Radical Idea of Marrying for Love” author Stephanie Coontz argues that love is not a good enough reason to get married. People shouldn’t marry just because they love one another, Coontz suggests that perhaps marriage should be based on how well a couple gets along and whether or not if the significant other is accepted by the family. One will notice in the article that Coontz makes it very clear that she is against marrying because of love. In the article is a bit of a history lesson of marriage and love within different cultures from all over the world. Coontz then states her thesis in the very end of the article which is that the European and American ways of marriage is the
"They turn casually to look at you, distracted, and get a mild distracted surprise, you're gone. Their blank look tells you that the girl they were fucking is not there anymore. You seem to have disappeared.(pg.263)" In Minot's story Lust you are play by play given the sequential events of a fifteen year old girls sex life. As portrayed by her thoughts after sex in this passage the girl is overly casual about the act of sex and years ahead of her time in her awareness of her actions. Minot's unique way of revealing to the reader the wild excursions done by this young promiscuous adolescent proves that she devalues the sacred act of sex. Furthermore, the manner in which the author illustrates to the reader these acts symbolizes the likeness of a list. Whether it's a list of things to do on the weekend or perhaps items of groceries which need to be picked up, her lust for each one of the boys in the story is about as well thought out and meaningful as each item which has carelessly and spontaneously been thrown on to a sheet of paper as is done in making a list. This symbolistic writing style is used to show how meaningless these relationships were but the deeper meaning of why she acted the way she did is revealed throughout the story. Minot cleverly displayed these catalysts in between the listings of her relationships.
Humboldt Journal of Social Relations 32.1, TRANSLATIONAL APPLIED SOCIOLOGY (2009): 158-83. JSTOR.Web. 11 May 2014. Chalmers, Jennifer H. "Romantic Love: Is It a Realistic Goal for Marriage Therapy?" Romantic Love: Is It a Realistic Goal for Marriage Therapy?
To fully comprehend a work you cannot just read it. You must read it, analyze it, question it, and even then question what you are questioning. In Richard Rodriguez’s The Achievement of Desire we are presented with a young Richard Rodriguez and follow him from the start of his education until he is an adult finally having reached his goals. In reference to the way he reads for the majority of his education, it can be said he reads going with the grain, while he reads a large volume of books, the quality of his reading is lacking.
The purpose of the article “Navigating Love and Autism” by Amy Harmon is to emphasize that autistic people can achieve love, even though the struggles of autism are present. In this article, Jack and Kirsten both have autism and are working to build a dating relationship. For Kirsten and Jack, being comfortable is a huge aspect in their relationship. After their first night together,
Erikson saw the development of inatimate relationships as the crucial task of young adulthood. The need to form strong, stable, close, caring relationship is a powerful motivate of human behaviour. An important elemen of intimacy is self-disclosure, ‘revealing important information about oneself to another’ (Collins & Miller, 1994, p 457). People become intimate and remain intimate through shared disclosures, responsiveness to one another’s need and mutual acceptance and respect (Harvey & Omarzu,1997, Reis & Patrick, 1996).
Unlike Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, Fromm’s theory is derived from a humanistic approach explained through five different types of love: motherly love (one-sided and unequal), brotherly love (loving all), erotic love (intimate but short lived), immature love (overwhelming), and mature love (mutual and caring). Motherly love is a one-sided and unequal or unconditional love commonly given by mother to her younger child which gives the child a sense of stability and security . Brotherly love is a type of love where an individual loves all. Opposite of brotherly love is erotic love which the individual focuses on loving one individual in a sexual way, this is short-lived. This type of love is comparable to the passion, intense romantic or sexual desire that is accompanied by physiological arousal in Sternberg’s theory of love. Immature love is when receiving love or taking love overwhelms the giving of love. Lastly, mature love, is described as love in which both partners share mutual care and responsibility for each other and both individuals are able to love each other freely. Mature love is achieved when both individual’s personalities are capable of giving true, genuine love (Friedman & Schustack, 2013). Mature love is also comparable to consummate love (Myers, 2013) in Sternberg’s theory of love. Fromm’s theory of love does not just emphasize
ForumNetwork. (21 de sep de 2009). Helen Fisher. This is your brain on love .
Eavan Boland’s poem “Love” comes from her collection entitled In a Time of Violence. In the piece Boland both reflects on the history of her and her husband’s love and ties it in with the story of a hero who travels to hell. The poem’s form is stanzaic, broken into 7 stanzas with 38 lines. “Love” is rich with metaphor, simile, personification and imagery. The poem makes constant allusion to Greek Mythology, and the author’s story runs parallel to that of Odysseus from Homer’s “The Odyssey” . Boland is able to convey the journey loves take throughout the course of a relationship and how it is affected during difficult times.