Stand-Up Comedy
Hello, Welcome Everybody! Bonjour Bienvenue! Guten Tag, Wilkommen! We
have got people from all over the world here tonight. England, France,
Germany, oh, and of course, BARROW! How privileged are we? Anyway, I’m
going to keep things simple and just talking straightforward English.
I apologise before hand to the Barrovians as they may have difficulty
understanding.
Seriously now. I’ve lived in Ulverston all my life. I like the place
personally; I’m not the big, amazing nightlife and noisy city man that
you may think. Ulverston is a nice tidy little town out of the way of
all the hustle and bustle of city life. Here in Ulverston, the town is
famous for its traditional market, oh, and of course the giant cock on
top of the first hill you see upon entering the town aka Hoad Hill
Monument. Apparently, the whole point in it standing there is because
it used to be used as a lighthouse. Some good eh, no water in sight.
It’s also famous because it is a monument in memory of Sir John
Barrow; he built it before he died. It’s about as much use as the
bloody millennium dome was!
Isn’t it weird how different areas, places and regions are famous for
different things? I have already mentioned to famous aspects of
Ulverston. Apparently, are good friends up the road in Barrow are
living in ‘Cumbria’s Premier Shopping Town’. I have to agree with
this. A trip down the Vulcan any day of the week can guarantee you
picking up a few bargains, for example, an ounce of this and a quarter
of that for a remarkable price of under fifty pound! Now that’s a
bargain! It all depends on who your contacts are and whom you know
down that way, as the Vulcan is notoriously a, erm how can I describe
it? DOSSHOLE, ridden with drugs, as well as many other things.
Isn’t it funny how things come into fashion? Latest crazes of my time
include Yoyo’s, Pokemon Cards and Mini Scooters.