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The Good In Divorce You're sitting at your abruptly called family meeting wondering what you could have possibly done wrong, expecting to be getting in trouble for something, when your parents unexpectedly announced that they are getting a divorce. Just like that, your world stops. Your thoughts are in a thousand different places as you try to piece together how this could have happened. In this moment you are filled with anger, sadness, and confusion. Divorce, like any other loss can cause children to go through the stages of grief, which are denial, bargaining, anger, sadness, fear, blame, and acceptance. Though, once the short-term effects are over, many will realize that the divorce was really better in the long run. Divorce can come …show more content…
The effects can be different among children depending on their age, gender, and how the marriage previously was. Many kids, especially younger ones, may blame the divorce on themselves. They may think that the divorce is because of something that they didn’t do right, because they were not good enough or smart enough or well behaved enough (Johnson 23). With teenagers, it can be much more difficult. Teenagers are already hormonal and confused enough as it is, so when you add a divorce to the equation it can cause all sorts of emotions. They can be left feeling depressed, angry, anxious, and confused. These emotions can may be expressed in many ways. According to Richard E. Mancine, the common ways some teens may express their anger could be by not eating, acting rebellious, not sleeping well, changed study habits, hanging out with new people, and experimenting with new behavior. Many teenagers express their anger in dramatic ways like those because they are also trying to get their parents attention. Divorces are messy and sometimes parents get so caught up …show more content…
Children going through this are not alone. There are somewhere around 1.5 million children every year who are going through the same thing (Scientific American). There are very few long term effects of divorce on children. Some will even insist that there is none. For the most part, children usually end up with their mothers. With this being the case, boys grow up without having a male figure in their life which could possibly cause some minor long term effects. Girls, on the other hand "sometimes exhibit what psychologist Judith Wallerstein calls the ´sleeper effect.´" This basically means that even though they may have seemed to accept and adjusted to the divorce well, there could actually be a lot of anger that is buried , or "sleeping" inside, that could possibly emerge years later. This could, later in the girl's life, cause them to become convinced that no one really loves them or cares about them (Stewart). But, a large majority of the time there are no long term effects for most people. " In a 2002 study, psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington and her then graduate student Anne Mitchell Elmore found that many children experience short-term negative effects of divorce, especially anxiety, anger, shock, and disbelief. These reactions typically diminish by the end of the second year" (Scientific American). With how harsh some of the short-term effects are it is quite amazing to see that research
Arjun feels ignored because of his mother’s attitude, “When Arjun left the room, his mother’s footsteps did not follow him, as they so often had in old house. Once as he loudly dragged his feet he heard the man saying, let him be, he is growing up, you have to give him space” (Kapur 148). The worse happened in the form of his admission in a boarding school, which left Raman at the back foot. It is the tragic plight of children that in spite of having parents they had to go to boarding school. Dr. Carl Pickhardt narrates the effects of divorce on children’s psyche in his article, The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents:
The dramatic rise in the rate of divorce in the United States between 1960 and 1980 is well known, and even more so are the high divorce rates over the past twenty years. In 1970, twelve percent of American families with children under age eighteen were headed by single parents, and by 1984, one-fourth of American families and nearly sixty percent of black families were headed by single parents (Demo & Acock, 1988, p. 619). These high divorce rates have resulted in numerous changes in American family life. While predictions vary, the consensus is that most youth will spend some time prior to age eighteen in a single-parent household based on recent social and demographic trends. Individuals with divorced parents are at increased risk of experiencing psychological problems in adulthood (Amato & Sobolewski, 2001, p. 900). Growing up divorced has become an alternative developmental path for a substantial number of children in this country (Kalter, 1987, p. 587). These trends in family composition have major repercussions for the life course of children and their well-being. Studies have shown that adults with divorced parents, when compared with adults with continuously married parents, report to greater unhappiness, less satisfaction with life, a weaker sense of control, more symptoms of anxiety and depression, and a greater use of mental health services. Overall, most children of divorced parents have experienced dramatic declines in their economic circumstances, abandonment by one or both of their parents, the diminished capacity of both parents to attend meaningfully and constructively to their children’s needs, and diminished contact with many familiar or potential sources of psychological support.
Divorce is becoming a worldwide phenomenon, significantly affecting children’s well-being. It radically changes their future causing detrimental effects. According to (Julio Cáceres-Delpiano and Eugenio Giolito, 2008) nearly 50% of marriages end with divorce. 90% of children who lived in the USA in the 1960s stayed with their own biological parents, whereas today it makes up only 40% (Hetherington, E. Mavis, and Margaret Stanley-Hagan, 1999). Such an unfavorable problem has been increasing, because in 1969, the legislation of California State changed the divorce laws, where spouses could leave without providing causes (Child Study Center, 2001). This resolution was accepted by the other states and later, the number of divorced people has been steadily growing. Such a typical situation is common for most countries in the world, which negatively affects children’s individuality. However, remarkably little amount of people can conceive the impact of marital separation caused to offspring. (? passive) Many children after separation of parents are exposed to a number of changes in the future. They have to be getting used to a further living area, feelings and circumstances. Their response to divorce can vary and depends on age, gender and personal characteristics. This essay will show the effects of divorce on children under various aspects such as educational, psychological and social impact. In addition, it will contain data about the divorce rate in the US and present disparate reactions of children. It will also include adequate recommendations for parents as to how act to children after divorce, in order to minimize the adverse effect on children.
Divorce is a heavy concept that has many implications for those involved. The situation becomes even more consequential when children are considered. As divorce has become more commonplace in society, millions of children are affected by the separation of the nuclear family. How far-reaching are these effects? And is there a time when divorce is beneficial to the lives of the children? This paper will examine some of the major research and several different perspectives regarding the outcomes of divorce for the children involved, and whether it can actually be in the best interest of the kids.
Divorce has many psychological effects on children. The parents are often oblivious to the child’s feelings as they are fighting their own battle with the ex-spouse or fighting the battle of custody of the child. Children usually have an unbiased approach to both parents and to witness the conflict between the ones they love has detrimental effect on the child. The degree of psychological effects depends on the age of the child. Children of ages 6 or lower tend to have less developed cognitive abilities which will increase as the child matures. At this age, children experience egocentrism which causes them to blame the divorce on themselves (Foulkes-Jamison, 2001). These children are emotionally dependent and will...
Divorce is a process that many people in America go through. The divorce rate continues to escalate over the years. Divorce is a serious problem, it is a gradual process that ultimately results in families breaking up. There are various factors in which a marriage can fail and end up in divorce. Some skip the step of trying to reconcile things and make it work. In some cases it is easy for a divorce to take place. For instance, in cases where both parties are in agreement and have no children it is easier to handle a divorce. But in the cases where children are present, what happens to the kids? Both parents are at each others throats or one is devastated from the rejection, what role does the child play? It is a hard thing to cope with as an adult imagine as a little one or even a teenager, it affects them in more ways than anyone can imagine. It can affect them both physically and emotionally. The effects of divorce are immense, it permanently weakens the bond or relationship between a child and his parents. Can lead to them reaching out or looking to others for attention, causing poor attitudes, low self esteem, dropping grades, loss of virginity, use of drugs and or weapons, or in some cases mutilation of the body. There are various effects that children have to deal with that maybe extremely hard to cope with. One parent may say one thing yet the other disagrees and makes it impossible for the child to have a stable relationship with both of them. Children need both biological parents at their side to be guardians and counselors in their lives, to be examples of what they need to do to become outstanding citizens in our community.
When a couple with a child chooses to get a divorce this can have major impact on a child at any age. There are many causes of stress throughout the divorce process that can negatively affect children. First, negative reactions and behaviors are dependent upon the situation before the divorce. Some studies show that how much parents fight, how it is done, how it is resolved, and what precautions are taken to protect the children from it's effects are the most important predictors of child adjustment (Kelly, 2000). Meaning that if children are exposed to fights about custody, money, or the failing marriage they could feel the repercussions of their parents conflict. Next, divorce can cause children to have heightened fear...
The argument over how divorce affects children is one that has been going on for a very long time. Some people believe when parents get a divorce the children are not affected at all, while others believe when parents get a divorce the children are affected by the impact of divorce more than anyone in the family. In some cases, married couples can be in such a terrible marriage that divorce can in no way be avoided, and these divorces are usually the ones that children benefit from and are affected in a positive way. Many times though, a couple will choose to get a divorce because their marriage is not exactly the way it used to be, and they want that aspect of life back; these are the divorces that negatively affect children. Even though in some cases divorce does not affect children negatively, many times when parents obtain a divorce, the children are negatively harmed in many different ways that will forever change their lives.
It is unfortunate that marriages sometimes end and there are children caught in the middle of the marriage but it may be worst for the parents to stay together simply for the children’s sake. However when parents do divorce the children are the most effected by the divorce. Often enough the divorce causes children to feel displaced and also to have feelings that their world is coming to an end. These children tend to grow into adults with either extreme emotional detachment and self-esteem issues or they will have strong family values and try to prevent the cycle from repeating itself but the majority of these children grow up suffering from the divorce.
Children can suffer from, fear, grief, anger, depression, shame, sadness, anxiety, embarrassment, self-blame, abandonment, and many other things. (Borden, 2015). There is no guarantee that if a child goes through a divorce that they will experience any or all of these things and there is no guarantee that they would not experience these things if a divorce did not happen as well. A divorce definitely would not help the child in this area and it would be in the best interest of the parents for a divorce to not happen if children were
In the world we live in today, divorce has unfortunately become a normal thing in our lives. Many married couples are getting divorced for many reasons; problems in the marriage, either a spouse having an affair, a loss of feelings, and many other types of complications. Many divorces involve children who are young and due to their age do not understand what is really going on. We all know someone who has dealt with divorce. Children are the ones who are typically affected the most by the divorce and they will have to learn to cope with their parent’s divorce at such a young age, affecting them in positive or negative ways.
Marriage is no longer taken seriously; commitment and monogamy are no longer an essential ingredient. For most couples today, it’s not even considered a part of marriage. The negative effects that divorce has on children should be the number one consideration when a couple hits that hard time in their relationship. Children are psychologically and socially affected by divorce and may need counseling either at the time of their parent’s divorce or in the future. They may react instantly by getting lower grades or becoming depressed or anxious.
American Journalist, Helen Rowland said, “ When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they don’t understand each other, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to” (1). Divorce means the ending of a marriage by legal separation, thus, a couple that were once bonded together have now separated for opposing reasons. Divorce has hurt and destroyed many families across the world and can cause a lot of negativity. Teens often do not know how to deal with the fact that their family is no longer whole and they will transition into a depression. Teens may experience emotional damage by seeing the two most important people in their lives fight constantly. There is a good side and a bad side to seeing parents go through a divorce as a teen. Quite often teens tend to see that, since they are so unhappy, that it is better for them to separate because they do not want to see their parents get hurt. Even when separated, they learn to communicate and bond between one another. The negative side of divorce is that families sometimes stay torn apart, therefore: There is a lot of anger, rage that happens because going through a situation like this is not something that is easy, and many emotions become involved. Dealing with their parents can be difficult for some teens, but for many others, they feel as if a divorce will make their family happier without seeing all of the fighting.
Children react differently yet similarly in divorce. Every child caught up in the distress of divorce has a hard time coping with it and imagining their life without a parent. Their anxiety levels peak as they feel they are going to be abandoned. They experience feelings of loneliness due to the loss of the other parent. Different children go through these emotions at different levels and at different times depending on the child’s age. How bad or how well children handle the divorce depends on how the situation is handled. It can throw the child's entire life into a whirlwind.
There are a lot of emotional tolls that come from it as well. The divorce alone is not the only thing that causes children to act in such a negative way. Fighting that occurs in the household causes increased reactions to the situation (Oppawsky, 2000). As anyone would guess precursors to divorce and divorce lead to more crying. It is not just more crying though, it also children are crying for longer periods of time (Oppawsky, 2000). Thinking about it, it makes sense for this to occur. Divorce is a sad time for any child because no one wants to see his or her parents split up. In Oppawsky’s (2000), report children also experienced different variations of sadness as well as feeling shame with what was occurring in their family unit. Problems with emotional instability arise when children start to express anger towards their parents. Depending on how conflicts were being handled at home and a child’s coping abilities a number of negative feelings could be expressed towards parents (Oppawsky, 2000). One little girl recalled her situation “a terrifying time of loneliness” because she felt so much hatred to her parents she wanted nothing to do with them (Oppawsky, 2000). The biggest emotional response from children was fear. Being in the situation children did not know what was going to come from it. They feared the unknown, losing contact a parent, and worst of all they feared death (Oppawsky, 2000). Some children