Deborah Tannen, in her article “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” discusses how differently men and women communicate and how this causes confusion and often times disorder in marriage. She goes on to explain that in order for men and women to effectively communicate, each sex has to understand the way the other sex communicates. Generally, men are more talkative in public situations, yet they are more quiet at home situations (Tannen p. 408), which can cause problems in marriages if men and women don’t understand the ways both sexes communicate. Tannen explains how men and women’s brains function differently and how one thing may mean a completely different thing to the opposite sex. Silence, to men, for instance, means a completely different …show more content…
As Tannen explains in her article, both sexes tend to socialize with the same sex, and these allows them to develop social norms (Tannen p. 409). As children we are taught, unknowingly, different ways to communicate, not realizing that the opposite sex does not communicate in the same way. Women tend to share secrets or carry conversation which creates friendships, whereas men bond by spending time with one another (Tannen p. 409). This explains why so much confusion can go on between sexes, because if one sex feels as though they need conversation to bond and the other just thinks that they have to spend time together in order to bond, then this can create chaos. Tannen explains how men are clueless on the talk women want and don 't tend to miss it when it is not there, whereas women feel that lack of communication leads to separation and ultimately …show more content…
Men communicate silence as them no longer having to prove something or that their listening, however, women communicate silence as being quiet in order to not offend anyone or start a disagreement (Tannen p. 412). Men and women’s miscommunication on silence can also cause lots of confusion for both sexes, because women probably don’t understand why men don’t talk much when they get home, but are very talkative out in public. In fact, as long as opposite sexes are not understanding of the reasons why communication is different between men and women, then this will cause deep stress for
Deborah Tannen wrote “ Talk in the Intimate Relationship” to help people learn something about how men and women's interactions differ. She is a language scholar and has past experience of failed relationships and she feels as though this was because of lack of communication. Her main focus is on metamessages, these are messages that go beyond what we say. She states that the people that are literal minded, miss out on the context of what communication is. What this essay will consist of being what Tannen calls metamessages, summarizing her article on how men and woman talk, deciding whether Tannen is favorable to both genders and last but not least if I agree to an extent with Tannen says in her article.
That is the question of the century, and it frequently asked, especially by women in a relationship. Communication is key, but it is often a problem between couples. Men and women communicate in different ways, and there is constant misunderstanding during these variations of communication. Deborah Tannen really aids her audience in understanding these types of communication in her article, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation.” She has a PhD in linguistics, and is a professor of linguistics as well. She provides very useful information and even gives situations to relate to.
At birth, we are a blank slate, regardless of gender. We are introduced into a world that wrongly believes gender defines who we are and what we shall be. Everything we see, hear, taste, smell, and feel impacts our minds and how we react. Therefore, behaviors between the sexes are learned from our interactions with the opposite sex and how we, as individuals, see our world. In the literary piece, The Distrust between the Sexes, Karen Horney asks this question: “…What special factors in human development lead to the discrepancy between expectations and fulfillment and what causes them to be of special significance in particular cases” (Horney)?
Communications generally occur in body languages: how the individuals interpret each other. Her essay is an event that is reoccurring more and more lately. The event results in a failure in marriage. In today’s society more and more people are splitting up or having divorces due to miscommunications. The essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,” that Deborah Tannen wrote is much use of today because it explains where miscommunications happen and she has her own studies and research to back it up. The essay goes into depth about her ideologies that cause miscommunications. Look at a miscommunication twice and do not be quick to judge because it will save plenty of
One of the biggest challenges for men is correctly to interpret and support a woman when she is talking about her feelings. The biggest challenge for women is correctly to interpret and support a man when he isn’t talking. Silence is most easily misinterpreted by
Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of men and women. Tannen observed that, "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with" (Tannen 95).
According to Deborah Tannen, the main differences in conversation occur without thinking. This often leaves men and woman extremely confused. During our early childhood, we are taught behavior and attitudes that are considered socially appropriate for a given sex during gender socialization. In return separating males and female into two totally different worlds. During gender socialization, males are taught to be masculine and dominating, while a woman is taught to be feminine and attractive.
Communication between males and females has always been somewhat complicated. Because we are arguing that males and females have different cultures we wanted to take a look at what some of these differences might be. According to our research the inherent differences between male and female culture are the different roles that society holds for them and the ways these roles lead to different communication styles. The stereotypes that men and women grow up with affect the types of ways in which they communicate. We first wanted to take a look at how they specifically differ while men and women are arguing or having normal conversations. We also looked at the different types of networks that men and women share. These networks also differ and as do the reasonings for their formation. Although we do not think that men and women need to change their cultures to effectively communicate, we do think that better communication is possible. One of the researchers we took a look at was Deborah Tannen. According to Tannen the reason that men and women do not communicate well is that men and women use language differently. Women take the attitude that conversation is to explore solutions to common problems while men concern themselves more with getting information and hard data from conversation. Tannen states that what women look for in communication is human connection, while men consider status to be most important. They are looking for independence and are constantly looking for higher accomplishments. Intimacy threatens this independence, so men have a tendency to avoid it. One of the old sayings about women is that they talk more than men. It turns out that it is not necessarily true. Women seem to talk more in private conversations than do men. Women do not generally have a fear of intimacy and therefore are much more open with one another during private conversations. It is more difficult for women to use this type of communication style in the public arena. In that case it is men that do most of the talking. Tannen ultimately argues that men use communication as a weapon. They use long explanations to command attention from who it is they are speaking to. They use it to convey information and to ultimately gain agreement. Tannen suggests that through even simple conversation men are continually protecting their status. She sugg...
Do men and women effectively communicate in the same way, or is it just a conversation of misunderstanding? There is constantly a new interest in whether men and women converse successfully. Professor and journalist, Deborah Tannen writes, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Tannen compares and contrasts all conversational styles, and explains how the expectation of dialogue affects how men and women converse. Tannen focuses on the subject of marriage and the imbalance of interest between male and female couples. The contrasting perspective however comes from, Deborah Cameron, author of, “What Language Barrier”. Cameron conveys that the stereotypes left upon male and female communication
Whether we like to admit it or not, keeping secrets that should be let out into the light are lies that can damage relationships. Actions like these will likely cause a lack of trust in relationships, which exemplifies why lying is always harmful to any relationship. According to Daily Mail, men lie about six times a day, while women lie three times a day. Out of these numbers, it is certain one will recognize at least a single lie. Studies have shown that when one lies, the brain has to remember everything that it said. Taxing the brain causes trauma, such as stress. Law enforcement investigators are trained to ask the liar to repeat the scenario or lie backwards to see if they are actually telling the truth. Moreover, lying is just
...a meaningful communication to take place. In conclusion, there are differences between men and women that go beyond social nurture. These differences have their origin in their genes. The differences evident in men and women are translated in their behavior and communication. There are possibilities of these differences in their turn raising the problem of failing to understand one another because in a communication men and women have a different set of expectations from each other. It is essential to understand and appreciate these differences for a meaningful communication to take place.
...roblems of inter sex communication. She does a superb job of pointing out how each sex reacts to each situation and why, but does not even propose a solution. Now that I have read this case study I feel as though I am prepared to offer a solution although I am not sure how viable it is. The recurring themes of Tannen’s case study are that men are expected to be tough and women are expected to seek support. These themes seem to be the root of the conflict between the sexes, so I would propose that each sex should do their best to break away from these expectations. Men should strive to be more open and less concerned about preserving a macho image whereas women should strive to be less dependent on the approval of others. While my proposed solution would not completely abolish miscommunication between the sexes, it would be a large step in the right direction.
As I entered adulthood and encountered the opposite sex on a new level it was quite a learning experience. I realized although the male is physically stronger than the female, the female is emotionally stronger. The male tends not to be too much of a thinker where a woman definitely is a thinker and dwells on many aspects of life. The male is more visually stimulated where the female is more emotionally stimulated. Women need to be heard and reassured and men don’t give that as much as women would like. It seems to me that men don’t need the same emotional support women need, and so the conflict begins! What both sexes need to do is listen and pay attention to one another. Also to realize that what you need is not always what others need.
...or a relationship”. In genderlects, there is no superior or inferior method of communication, but rather, men and women just communicate differently. By understanding these differences, one can reduce the amount of misunderstandings in future conversations.
We all know that men and women are different. They look different, act different, walk, talk, and even smell different. In part, the simple fact that we are different explains why we sometimes have trouble communicating with and understanding the opposite sex. However, a close look at our language may show that there is more to the communication barrier between the sexes than meets the eye.