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In “Sex, Lies and Communication: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Author Deborah Tannen conducts research to determine why men and women have such different interpretations of communication in marriage. Primarily, men think that communication is simply giving their significant other attention. But “women regard conversation as the cornerstone of friendship” (Tannen 276). It is not just attention that women are looking for, but attention, intimacy, genuinely listening, engaging in conversation, just genuine feedback. Communication is vital in a relationship, yet men and women misunderstand each other which cause problems in their relationship due to the body language given off by the opposite sex, being raised to communicate differently, and the lack of communication creating distance. Tannen insists that problems between …show more content…
Presently, parents raise their children to speak in a disrespectful manner instead of in an intimate and polite manner. Growing into an adult, individuals begin to realize, or maybe, never realize how important it is to communicate with an individual respectfully. “Little girls create and maintain friendships by exchanging secrets” (276), comforting one another by sharing stories, peering into one another’s eyes, and becoming intimate through vulnerability. “Boys' groups...are hierarchical, so boys must struggle to avoid the subordinate position in the group” (276) and where they need to struggle to find their place. The author’s research shows that men do bond, “thus discussion becomes debate, and conversation a competitive sport.” (276) Research shows that men believe that in listening for too long makes them feel they are “being put down” (276), and at times where they share problems to have a friend give them solutions, or to be reassured the problem is not
Deborah Tannen wrote “ Talk in the Intimate Relationship” to help people learn something about how men and women's interactions differ. She is a language scholar and has past experience of failed relationships and she feels as though this was because of lack of communication. Her main focus is on metamessages, these are messages that go beyond what we say. She states that the people that are literal minded, miss out on the context of what communication is. What this essay will consist of being what Tannen calls metamessages, summarizing her article on how men and woman talk, deciding whether Tannen is favorable to both genders and last but not least if I agree to an extent with Tannen says in her article.
In the day and age where online dating and meeting is becoming more common, it’s easy to alter how you are perceived. You can disclose details about yourself you believe are attractive and withhold/hide information about yourself you believe other people would reject you for. The Lenient Thesis provides that it is only a minor wrong to deceive another person into sex by misleading them about certain personal features such as natural hair color, occupation, or romantic intentions. This thesis does exclude run-of-the-mill deception like someone’s sexual history, t.v show preferences, or how funny one finds the other. In “Sex, Lies, and Consent”, Tom Dougherty seeks to argue against the lenient thesis, and instead that deceiving another person
Petersen, J.C. (2007). Why don’t we listen better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships. Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications
Communications generally occur in body languages: how the individuals interpret each other. Her essay is an event that is reoccurring more and more lately. The event results in a failure in marriage. In today’s society more and more people are splitting up or having divorces due to miscommunications. The essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,” that Deborah Tannen wrote is much use of today because it explains where miscommunications happen and she has her own studies and research to back it up. The essay goes into depth about her ideologies that cause miscommunications. Look at a miscommunication twice and do not be quick to judge because it will save plenty of
Both sexes have grown up with their own mentality of how communication in a friendship or relationship. This causes major issues to occur when men and women have dialogue with one another. They misinterpret or simply misunderstand the way the other gender would appreciate to be listened to or spoken to.
In the essay, “Sex, Lies, and Conversations,” linguist Deborah Tannen argues about men and women having different styles of communicating with each other. She also states that misunderstandings between the husband and wife can affect marriage and can lead to divorces. She describes how men and women communicate contrarily which originated in childhood socialization. Because conversation is the cornerstone of their friendship, young girls often share secrets, thoughts, feelings and impressions; moreover, this is how girls and women build intimacy in their relationships. On the other hand, young boys don’t assume that conversations build their relationships, but they’d rather do more things together. Boys are more inclusive, and more hierarchical
The circle of influence and experience were different between men and women because of the differences in philosophies of life. The differences in philosophies of life created communication problems between men and women. What seemed to be interesting to one person would not be interesting to another. The key to a successful relationship would be to communicate with your spouse in all aspects of life, even if it was not a mutual interest. The author of Sex, Lies, and Conversation, Deborah Tannen, explained how men and women communicated differently through listening skills, body language, and emotions.
An article entitled “How Boys Become Men,” written by Jon Katz was originally published in January, 1993 in Glamour, a magazine for young women. This article details the process of a boy growing into a man and mainly focus on the lesson boys learn that effect their adult lives. These lessons are about how to hold back emotions and never appeared sensitive. The author includes examples of his own experiences as a boy to convey to the reader the challenges of growing into a man. Through the various stories of young boys, the author is trying to prove that the men are insensitive because they had to learn to hide their feelings during the stage of growing up with other boys. The purpose of the author is to explain the women of the world, why men appear to be emotionalist and “macho.” The author’s main idea of this article is to explain why men are insensitive and to help women understand why men sometimes seem “remote” and “uncommunicative.”
Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of men and women. Tannen observed that, "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with" (Tannen 95).
In the article "Sex, Lies and Conversation," Deborah Tannen discusses the differences in the ways men and women communicate. These differences seem to make it more difficult for men and women to fully understand each other. Communication tendencies are developed throughout a persons life. As young children, boys and girls tend to play with kids of their own age and gender. These children carry these communication habits into adulthood, sometimes making it hard to communicate with the opposite sex.
Are everyday rituals, such as, facades reflected as to being a lie? Simply preparing for a meeting or interview does not come off as lying, although another type of façade such as when someone asks, “Are you okay,” after a death of someone close to you, in reality it is a form of a lie, because you are not being honest. In Stephanie Erricsson’s article “The Ways We Lie,” she discusses many different types of lying, that most wouldn’t even consider. Ericsson claimed, “But façades can be destructive because they are used to seduce others into an illusion” (409). Depending how a façade is used, the outcome can be beneficial or damaging. There are facades that are used to cover up one’s true feelings, in order to protect an individual and then there is a type in which one puts on a mask to cover up how awful of a person they are. Charity, a former friend, deceived me with the qualities of everything she was not, my mom is a great example of when it comes to hiding when she is saddened. In this article “The Ways We Lie,” Stephanie Ericsson has a great point of view on the destructiveness of facades, although, it can very well be used in a good way just as much as in a bad way, in fact, like my protective mother, using facades for mine and my sisters own good and then a conniving friend using facades in
Do men and women effectively communicate in the same way, or is it just a conversation of misunderstanding? There is constantly a new interest in whether men and women converse successfully. Professor and journalist, Deborah Tannen writes, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Tannen compares and contrasts all conversational styles, and explains how the expectation of dialogue affects how men and women converse. Tannen focuses on the subject of marriage and the imbalance of interest between male and female couples. The contrasting perspective however comes from, Deborah Cameron, author of, “What Language Barrier”. Cameron conveys that the stereotypes left upon male and female communication
...a meaningful communication to take place. In conclusion, there are differences between men and women that go beyond social nurture. These differences have their origin in their genes. The differences evident in men and women are translated in their behavior and communication. There are possibilities of these differences in their turn raising the problem of failing to understand one another because in a communication men and women have a different set of expectations from each other. It is essential to understand and appreciate these differences for a meaningful communication to take place.
Because of this, correspondence amongst people are altogether different. There are distinctive manly and ladylike reactions to a few social pulls and pulls. Men feel that it is urgent to be regarded and its essential to save their autonomy they are more worried about status, while ladies feel that it is more imperative to be preferred and they are continually looking for a human association. Miscommunication is caused because of this and periodically that prompts clashes. There are contrasts in how people open up to individuals. Ladies have a tendency to be included more in private talks than men and they make a greater number of inquiries than men. These distinctions in the two people cause frustrations. They confront rationalistic troubles in their relationship. Sex assumes an essential part in social battles, for example, connectedness-separateness, transparency closedness and assurance vulnerability. However, when we include the group then we have three more arguments; consideration isolation, expectedness uniqueness and disclosure and
“Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence” says Tannen(27). For some couples finding that certain weight that will balance the scale of communication can become interesting and a hard task. In the book You Just Don’t Understand, written by Deborah Tannen, she gives many examples of how men and women compete for a gender hierarchy, in which she believes that males and females compete for status in society. She often believed that guys look down upon women, and do not care about what they think. So by competing for a hierarchy, women and men almost challenge one another for social and professional status. It’s almost a game in which there isn’t really a winner, but that both females and males excel over each other while trading places on the platform of conversational hierarchy. For example, a man talking over and interrupting a fellow female colleague because he believes that his rapport talk, which is common conversation that one would have with friends and peers, is more important than her input on the subject. So perhaps in turn she will do her part to rise above the man when she gets a chance, perhaps giving an informative presentation since women are better at report talking, which is conversation of which a person speaks about technical and gives information that is more than just connection to peers. Tannen also says, “the essential element of connection is symmetry: People are the same, feeling equally close to each other. The essential element of status is asymmetry: People are not the same; they are differently placed in a hierarchy”(Tannen 53) Tannen is trying to say that symmetry, is when men and women are talking to each other trying to make...