Self Reflection

When I was younger I used to walk to school and I do not remember when or how, but I assumed the people of the world were watching me, maybe from their private homes or from down the street.

It actually had not mattered, as long as I knew someone somewhere were watching me I felt purpose, admiration and a sense of security. However, not long ago I had confronted these (what I learned to be) delusions and found out that they were actually rather habitual, but for the longest time I simply overflew in aspects of emotion and behavior and so on because I thought that was what I had to do to guarantee interest from the world and from the people around me.

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The elements of my personality have always seemed to be understood with clarity,

For example, as someone with ideologies non harmful or hateful, it is hard for me to understand how one is homophobic or how one is as discriminate as they are. However, I have learned that research can answer questions like these. However, research can not answer questions more specific to myself, like questions formulated from my upbringing. For example, I believe I have misinterpreted the relationship I had with my step-father in my childhood. My biological father left my mother and I before I was born, and though my step-father readily took on that role and did a great job at it, looking back I still feel as if that father figure in my life was never there. Moreover, though I am for the most part white, I still have trouble positively interacting with white women around my age, and it only gets more confusing from there. Luckily, I have come to the conclusion that both issues seem to involve a sense of insecurity and misconstrued assumptions on my part, and when I say I am cognitively open this is what I mean. For example, I feel as if the way I interact with men today does in large, have to do with how I interpreted the father figures in my life, but I do not want to blame them for how I interact with men today and I do not want to blame the white women of the world for making it so hard for me to like them. So instead I look back at relevant interactions that perhaps played a role in the issues described, and doing so allows me to formulate theories of my own and analyze how such thoughts, true or false, have shaped me as a