Maybe it’s an argument with a spouse about something that happened earlier in the day and we are questioned about why we decided not to consider the others feelings. In the moment the spouse just may have not be in the forefront of our minds so they were honestly never a thought. Now that we are being presented with the question of our intentions or integrity in hind sight we are able to give or add what we believe to be a viable reason for making the decision. This may not be an intentional lie but it most definitely may have not been a part of the actual thought process at the time the decision was made. That is what self-justification allows us to do when recalling memories; fill in the gaps with what we feel could have been. Thusly giving …show more content…
Subsequently, that may cause a problem because it may then seem that our integrity is being put into question. When our integrity is questioned that will inevitably cause conflict because of the way we view ourselves. Another key part of an unraveling marriage because of self-justification may be merely because one spouse may only be focusing on what his or her partner is doing wrong, but not addressing what they are doing and coating it with their own self-justifying actions. In the text the very helpful recommendation is made by the authors in saying “Successful partners extend to each other, the same self-forgiving ways of thinking we extend to ourselves.” This is profound and can be applied in other places other than a marriage or relationships, for example in our day to day interactions with people we encounter. If we as a culture learn to allow forgiveness to others as easily as we do for ourselves many issues can be resolved. Often time we see in the media displays of people who are so adamant about holding a grudge for things that others have done to them, their culture, race, sex or sexually based group in the past, all the while excusing what they have done with what they think is a viable reason for their actions. This simply is perpetuating the cycle of actions that demonstrates dissonance and are then cushioned by self-justification; which get us, as a people, no closer to a resolve for an ongoing problem than not addressing it at
Why is it so difficult for us to admit that we’re wrong? Tavris and Aronson (2007) wrote that instead of backing down and apologizing, people have a tendency to continue to justify their actions even when irrefutable evidence is staring them in the face. They are guilty. They know they are guilty. They and everyone else can see the evidence that they are guilty. But they continue to justify their actions.
When confronted with a problem, why does the human brain default to lying? Dishonesty is never a solution, although it may seem like the best option in the spur of a moment. My grandma always gave the example of her youth: she avoided and deceived her friend’s sister because the little girl riled everyone. Come to find out, the sister passed the following month due to an illness. I could never imagine the guilt she experienced. Nevertheless, everyone has been deceitful before and many characters were in the tragedy, The Crucible, by playwright Arthur Miller. Reasons for lying are understandable, but most people will admit that mendacity has only caused pain. Lying’s outcome is never positive: it may seem like a good option, for falsehood can save a person’s life, benefit someone, and it eases stress, but these are all transitory.
When one does wrong, the common reaction is to hide it and pretend as if nothing happened. Because of the human conscience it is difficult to completely forget about a wrongdoing. Through our conscience guilt is built up and eventually that guilt shatters enough barriers and in turn causes the doer to admit his/her wrong.
This article talks about the millions of accounts that were created for cheating on one anothers partners while also describing how to salvage a damaged marriage. This article depicts cheating on one another 's spouse as something that can completely dissolve a marriage. In fact, a good majority of marriages were dissolved instantly after the faithful companion had found out they were being cheated on. The article goes on to talk about the best way to talk to a spouse in order to save a marriage. Interestingly, the most common, and safest way to salvage a marriage is by confessing the truth to the spouse before they have any suspicions. The article also goes on to state that expressing sorrow at the start of the conversation may not be a good choice, as it can be seen as a way to excuse yourself from the wrongdoing. The “Ashley Madison” article ultimately shows that cheating on a spouse in today’s society can only turn out for the
Sidelinger, R. J., Frisby, B. N., & McMullen, A. L. (2009). The decision to forgive: Sex, gender, and the likelihood to forgive partner transgressions. Communication Studies, 60(2), 164-179.
Conflicts within relationships are inevitable and some conflict can help strengthen a relationship; however, in marriages and families, many people fail to work through their conflict, which results in unhealthy patterns of behavior. Over time, if left unresolved, these patterns of behavior can lead to a breaking of the relationship. Furthermore, most people do not set out seeking conflict within relationships, but rather they lack the emotional maturity to move through conflict. In fact, it is not the differences between the two parties that create the conflict, but rather the emotional reaction to their differences. Therefore, an intervention is required to begin the healing process of working through conflict. Often a pastor or counselor
Us why forgiving is the best way but not always the easiest. Forgiving means not that you’re still
...e husbands possess a male ego of power that leads to lack of understanding in their marriages.
Most studies in marital conflict pertain to three particular dimensions of communication. The first dimension is affect which refers to messages that express positive or negative feelings about another person, such as supportiveness, hostility, confirmation, coercion, sarcasm, or global positiveness or negativeness (e.g., Gottman, 1979 and Sillars and Wilmot, 1994). The second dimension to characterize conflict behaviors is whether they are constructive or destructive for the parties’ relationship. Research in the United States indicates that exiting from the relationship and neglecting the partner are destructive problem-solving responses and are more powerfully predictive of couple distress than giving voice to problems and being passive loyal (e.g., Rusbult, Johnson, & Morrow, 1986). The third dimension to characterize conflict management is engagement versus avoidance (e.g., Hocker and Wilmot, 1991 and Sillars and Wilmot, 1994). Engagement is reflected in direct, overt verbal confrontation of conflict issues, while conflict avoidance is reflected in withdrawal and aversion to dealing directly with conflict issues (Canary, Cupach, & Messman, 1995) and includes circumscribed, irrelevant, or ambiguous communication. Since the purpose of this study is to examine the effect of culture on marital conflict strategies and marital satisfaction, the discussion will be limited to the third dimension of marital conflict, engagement–avoidance, along with Rahim's styles of conflict.
Marriage is a copmlicated but lovely bonding in which two individual spend their life with eachother and play a important role in meeting the demands of man and woman.(Berne,Steiner, Dusay, 1973). Marital conflicts happen when one or both people are self-centered. One selfishly wants what he wants without consideration for the capabilities, plans, or goals of his spouse. Researches has
Marriages, they often say at the start, are often referred to as a state of, “pure wedded bliss.” The responsibility of cultivating and developing this vow is held in the hands and hearts of the two people that have agreed to the promise of “til death do us part.” Marriages go through periods of ups and downs, and some come to an end due to a number of reasons. One of those reasons is the incidence of infidelity. Very few marriages can actually endure the liability, pain and breach of trust of the throes of infidelity.
One negative effect of not showing forgiveness can lead to a decrease in one’s health by causing elevated stress levels, high blood pressure, depression, and psychological issues. It can also lead to mental congestion by blurring one’s thinking and focus because one’s mind can be preoccupied by the past events. Having a mind focused on the past can cause grudges, anger, and resentments, which greatly increases more problems in everyday life with others. Being unwilling to forgive can negatively affect people’s emotions in a drastic way. Negative emotions can tear families apart, friendships, and even lifelong relationships. Holding bitterness within can block positive emotions from others that are trying to help; it can overcome one’s entire life. It is no secret that an unforgiving spirit can poison one’s heart with bitterness. Without forgiveness and reconciliation there is no doubt that a fruitless relationship will persist until death. Not forgiving will cause nothing but pain and misery. It is evident that the negative effects of not having forgiveness will only lead to a life of bitterness and
While many people who start families must be aware of the arguments that are to come, some underestimate the amount of conflicts there really are. The picture of the perfect family has always been with society, and now many people expect there to be minimal conflicts in a family. However, some of these conflicts are just too strong for some families, and they end up separating, breaking the promise of being a tight-knit family. While the people who break off the relationship with the family often feel guilty for doing so, it is something that they have to do if the conflict becomes too strong for them. Many couples see examples of a happy ending, and they get married because they think that life will always be as easy as what they see. Unfortunately, many people do not realize how many issues can come up in a family, and the family ends up separating from each other, and they do not reach the expectations that are set on television shows or movies. According to the media, families are always to be supportive to each other, but sometimes, it does not always work out that way, and the people must separate from each
People fail to notice when they are presented with something different from what they originally chose and tend to come up with explanations as to why they picked that specific choice. In this research paper, Cochran, Greenspan, Bogart, and Loftus discuss how choice blindness can lead to distorted eyewitness memories. In their experiment, the studied if the participants in their research realized modifications to their memory reports and if these changes could possibly effect the participants’ memory. Cochran, Greenspan, Bogart, and Loftus conducted two different experiments. Experiment 1 was constructed on two self-sourced vs. other-sourced between participants and two misinformation vs. control within participants. They had participants watch a slideshow that showed a woman intermingling with three other characters and one of them steals her wallet. Then they completed a personality measure in 15 minute retention interval which was followed by questions about their memories from the slideshow. After, they were given another 15 minute retention interval and then shown their responses to the memory question, but three of their responses were revised. According to Cochran, Greenspan, Bogart, and Loftus (2016), “experiment 1 demonstrated that when witnesses were exposed to altered versions of their own memory reports for episodic details of an event, their memories changed to be consistent with
... Imagine how difficult it would be to trust one’s spouse again. It would be like starting all over. Many believe that “once a cheat always a cheat”, people who have several affairs have a higher divorce rate (figure 7). One would have to put forth time, and effort to restore something that they did not destroy. All of the years of marriage, all that was shared and considered sacred is gone. How can one be expected to believe that the affair was an isolated incident that never took place earlier on in the marriage? It is with all of these doubts and unanswered questions that it becomes evident that adultery destroys marriages and therefore marriage cannot survive infidelity. Infidelity not only destroys marriages, it also destroys families. Children turn away from their mothers or fathers, and it is at that point that the marriage should be considered null and void. The possibility of a marriage being able to survive infidelity is far fetched. Therefore, the answer to the question: ‘can marriage survive infidelity’ is evident.