Satire Essay

740 Words2 Pages

At the latest press conference held by Apple, the new groundbreaking innovation for the iPhone 6 was finally revealed to the public. After years of mingling about in the barbarian state of face-to-face conversation, society is finally being introduced with the ability to eliminate the middle-man, and communicate solely through the use of their smart phone. The feature is called Siri-Speech, which helps envelop the user in the dissociation that is accompanied by using machines to fill the void once occupied by primitive speech. The user only needs to type a text they would like the individuals near them to hear, and the application will read the text aloud. This awe-inspiring feature will help eliminate the need for crude functions like conversation and eye contact. The American public has had a craving for less social contact as the millennia continues to wane, and Siri-Speech is the perfect solution for this need. The average adolescent American sends approximately 88 text messages per day, which is decent but still requires improvement, as they still have to drudge through the burden that is sounds uttered with vocal cords. Although speech has been less arduous in the modern era, with the clever use of acronyms like LOL, TTYL and ILY, there are many other tedious phrases that still need to be sounded out every single day. Siri-Speech addresses this problem as well by converting every single phrase into an Acronym to heighten convenience for the user, so that they can get back to important measures like browsing videos of funny cats on YouTube. For example, a phrase previously spoken as “I have to go. I will see you tonight at the movie theatre” is now spoken as “I have to go,” which is truly the epitome of efficiency and progre... ... middle of paper ... ...hese conventions.” After the police responded to the emergency distress call that the reporters sent out upon encountering these brutes, the savages were sent to the Institution of Modern Language where they would be forcefully fed the new methods of communication until they learned of the beauty and ease they provided. Despite the small drawbacks, Siri-Speech is still planning on launching in full on the new iPhone 6. Pre-orders have already surmounted 4 million, which is indicative of how excited society is for disregarding the personal and human act of speaking to one another. Starting on June 14, all major news outlets will be completely adopting text speak as the language of choice, as is the only logical and effective move. Make sure to pick up your new iPhone six when they hit retailers on August 8th, and remember, Efficiency is progress, no matter the cost.

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