Responding To Loss And Death

In my entire life there are some experiences of losses that some of them happened to me and some happened to people who were close to me and it was possible to see their responses, and the time that I spent with them during their suffering from losses was enough to realize their situation and recognize its details.

It is interesting to compare the losses with each other as a way to assess my learning of loss experiences.

At first I like to state my father’s responses toward his two different kind of losing. First one was his mother’s death. It happened by a car accident, so it was unexpected and sudden and was enough to shock him. At first days he was quiet and sometimes weeping silently, but one thing that in that time for me was interesting and I never forget, was visiting his mother’s grave every night or early morning when it was dark I do not remember exactly how long, but it did not last long. Then after Perhaps three or four weeks it became every Thursdays and probably continues up to now. In our religion Thursday afternoon is a holy time and people believe that this time is the best to pray for spirits’ absolution.

Another experience of my father’s losses that I like to mention is from wartime. War between our country and Iraq. During that time town almost was empty because it had been attacked by air force, and continued. One time as a result of the bombing my father’s house was destroyed, when we became aware every body rushed to the town and home, what we saw was an unforgettable scene, all doors, windows and walls were ruined and scattered and massed inside the house. Some furniture plus all rugs were safe, but my father touched nothing; he leaned to a wall and was gazing in space. After a short time he said, “leave all these stuff here. I do not need anything, leave them for people.” and turned back to the village. First days he was angry, sometimes he was silent and sometimes yelling at every body and for everything, but the main target of his rush and his offenses was the government. He was swearing to governors and the leader all the time. Then he turned to sadness, but it did not last long and during an interval of war he rebuilt his house.