Reflection On The Concepts Of Relational Dialectics

Relational Dialectics Paper

A close relationship of mine is with my girlfriend Devan; we have been together for a very long time (in our young lives), five years and counting. Because we have been together this amount of time, we have experienced relational dialectics and the resulting tensions that come about numerous times. This paper will reflect on the communication differences between males and females and how that can affect our relationship, and how we have experienced the concepts of relational dialectics and used different strategies to cope with them.

Temporal Selection

Tensions can arise in any relationship, romantic or companionship, for the simple reason that most people get sick of the same thing when around it for too long.

Typically, we share most everything and there is not a problem with it because we are so open and comfortable with each other. For people in a relationship that is not as close as ours ,I can see this being a very important concept. Some things that you would share with your significant other should not discuss with your friends or even some family members. The example Verderber and Verderber (2013, p. 182) give of not sharing details about your sex life with your mother would definitely be one I would agree with. Other areas, such as school and making a concentrated effort to share details about school would be acceptable, but not other more personal areas, at least for me, and I think most other people.

I think this fits in with what Tannen (1990) was talking about again in relation to communication styles with males and females. It seems Devan can talk to her girlfriends about anything, and her mom as well . I play video games with my friends; we talk about the game, not very often our feelings. If I think my friend is doing something stupid, like dating a girl who is messed up, I tell him and we might talk a little about it

Whenever my girlfriend and I do not agree on something we try to stop and digest the situation. If we do not slow down to truly hear each other it usually just turns into a yelling competition and that is no good. By really understanding and respecting one another's views we can better understand where each of us is coming from and resolve the conflict faster. I personally believe this is why we have stayed together for so long and remained happy while doing so. We’ve often found that what we thought was such a “big deal” really wasn’t. As Verderber and Verderber (2013) state, “After the conversation, you no longer see such a strong contradiction” (p. 183). After a while, we can even laugh about