Reflection About Myself

Looking back on this past year I've come to realize that I have learned more about myself than possibly ever before....

This year was an emotional roller coaster. I experienced periods of uplift and positivity where for the first time, I felt almost normal? (What really is normal though)

But I also experienced periods of distraught, periods of reverting to self sabatoging ways. I experienced relapse. Often.

I cried. A lot. In fear that It was never going to get better, in fear that this was it, this was going be my life and I was just going to have to deal with it.

I experienced crippling anxiety, nights of not sleeping a single minute, throwing up in school bathrooms between classes, nights where I swore my heart was beating so fast and loud that it was for

Through this time of self reflection I found myself being able to eat practically normal for days on end.

Through this time of self reflection I found myself forgetting???? I even owned a scale, leaving me to go from weighing myself 8 times a day to maybe once every week or two?

Through this time of self reflection, I found myself HARDLY EVER counting calories.

Through this time of self reflection I found a new appreciation for the life that I live and not letting it slip past me.

I'm not there yet, I know that, but I don't feel the pressure to be. I don't expect that just because a calendar reads a different date that all my problems are going to vanish. I am well aware that I will face many of the same hardships, but I think I will handle them differently than I would before.

2018 is all about the progress. Be proud of yourself for trying. Be proud of yourself for every decision that is a steps towards bettering yourself. So long as you're moving in the direction, you don't need to be at the end goal to feel accomplished. Don't let your minor achievements slip underneath you.

Here's to entering 2018 as a very different