The book Real Boys by William Pollack explores the lives of boys. He states that boys hide they feelings. So it may seem on the outside that a boy is tough, cheerful, and confident, but really they are sad lonely and confused. He looks at the “mask” boys have been put on. Also explains how to get behind that mask. He goes over the boy code and explains it. Also he goes over the truths behind the myths. He goes over many other things also. I will try to outline the book as well as possible.
He explains that boys hide their feelings they may seem normal on the outside but on the inside they are hiding something. When they are asked if anything is wrong they say no everything is just fine. This is because ever since the boy was a child he has been taught not to express his emotions. Little boys are made to feel ashamed of their feelings. Also society places an emphasis on boys separating from their mother at an unnecessarily young age. Often the result of all this is that the boys decide to be silent. They learn to suffer quietly and retreat behind the mask. This is why the boys do not express their feelings, because they are told not to. What tells them not to is the boy code. It says the men should be stoic, stable, and independent. Boys are not to share their pain or grief openly. Also this code says the boys should be daring and do risky behaviors. The most traumatizing code is the fact that boys should not express feelings which might be mistakenly as “feminine” –dependence, warmth, and empathy. This causes boys to never act this way and hide these feelings. These are the reasons the “mask” is formed over the boy.
Pollack states that there are stereotypes about what boys are and how boys should behave. These stereotypes continue to perpetuated, many of us know some of these are outdated and some are simply untrue. A myth that has been made of boys is “ Boys will be Boys” This thought that nature controls boys behavior is untrue. It is not true that testosterone brings aggression and violence in every boy. The danger with this myth is that people assume that they have less power to affect a boy’s personality, behavior, or emotional development. The truth is that a boy’s behavior is shaped more by love than by nature. Another myth is that “ Boys should be Boys”, that they must fulfill the stereo...
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...ay act impulsively. The frequency of outbursts of anger increases. The boy may deny his feelings of unhappiness. He might have trouble concentrating or have a sleeping or eating disorder. He may have a low self-esteem and harsh self-criticism. Increased aggressiveness or silliness may be seen in the boy. There are other signs also that can be seen as a trend in depressed boys. Sometimes the depression can lead to suicide so it should not be left undetected.
This book, Real Boys by William Pollack, was an excellently written book. He went over general stereotypes put on the boys in our society. He showed how the stereotype harmed the boys and how to help the boys come out from under their masks. He explained the importance of the rolls of the mother and father. From my own experience I would have to say that the generalizations made n this book are true to my own experience. The fact boys are not supposed to express their emotions has put a burden on us. We must hind what we are feeling and sometimes we explode with all the stress put on us. This book has much truth to it and should be read by parents and teachers so they know how to treat their boys.
In the essay, “Changing the World One Boy at a Time” written by Mark Honigsbaum, boys are lost or they are in crisis. These boys have troubles in their everyday life. The author illustrates that boys need a mature male adult to help them guide to the right path. To convey his message, Honigsbaum explains that these boys have psychological issues. He then states that the event, where they receive a psychological test, reveals a boy’s personality. Lastly, he argues that to make the right decision, a boy needs the guidance of a mentor. He presents those arguments with the use of statistics, expert opinion, rhetorical questions, anecdotes and comparison.
Boys are influenced by many of their coaches in life; brothers and fathers telling them they must be tough and show no pain, teachers who expect them to work hard at everything they do, and in the back of their minds are their mothers who worry about them over extending and getting hurt. Kimmel asked a few men in their 20’s, “where do young men get these ideas” (the Guy Code), they all gave the same answers: their brothers, fathers, and coaches. One mentioned that his father would always be riding him, telling him that he must be tough to make it in this world, another said his brothers were always ragging on him, calling him a “pussy” because he didn’t want to go outside and play football with them. He just wanted to stay in and play Xbox. Yet another said that whenever he got hurt his coach would mock and make fun of him because he was showing his feelings. The world is a very competitive for men, they believe they must always prove themselves to other men. Men get pressured into doing things they don’t want to do. Men shouldn’t be pressured they should be able to do what they want to
In this lifetime, society has very pragmatic views. This makes it difficult to feel normal if you are considered different. You may be viewed as an outcast, which can make growing up harder than it already is. The idea of self-concealment is a sexual lesson that ones’ survival depends on.(Sullivan) Sullivan speaks of his own experience as a child, opening up with a story of an un-willful desire for a boy unchanging in front of him in the locker room. Sullivan states, “ He learns that that which would most give him meaning is most likely to destroy him in the eyes of others; that the condition of his friendships in the subjugation of himself”. This demonstrates why a homosexual may be deceitful and contained. Being young is a time to explore, understand ones’ self, and be open about your true personality. I believe the authors’ views because I see it daily .With these conflicts, a child may miss out on the carelessness of youth which is natural to experience before ...
The boys live a new life without adults and social norms. Roles in their makeshift society have been carried out but Jack’s self-imposed responsibility only aims to fulfill his personal agenda. Jack’s fervent character is aggressiveness masquerading as passion. This destructive behavior sends Jack to a faster decline to savagery in relation to his peers.
His work also sheds light on why different gender roles are hard for people to accept, due to the way they were brought up, and the culture they are surrounded by (Devor 8). With the belief that gender role behaviors are concrete, teenage boys believe that they must act according to their gender.
Pollack is a well-respected author of a number of books, to guide boys successfully through the many challenges they face. Pollack is the Director of the Centers for Men and Young Men and the Director of Continuing Education Psychology at McLean Hospital, and is Assistant Clinical Professor Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is the Past President of the Massachusetts Psychological Association, a member the Boston Psychoanalytic Society, a Diplomat in Clinical Psychology and a Founding Member and Fellow of The Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity. Some of the book that Pollack had wrote are Real Boy’s Voices, New Psychotherapy for Men, The Re-creation of Masculinity, all this book here help to understanding and interacting with boys of all ages and teach them how to deal with everyday life. Pollack is an expert in the areas of boy's development, education and men's roles. He help young men how to deal with everyday life, such as in workplace, schoo...
Boys think that they must put on a persona that they are tough and no one can hurt them. I agree with the author that the boys are forced to hide their emotions and fears that’s why men become insensitive. Because the most important factor of how boys become tough men is how adults treat and teach them differently from girls. The boys start hearing messages that they need to be strong and tough from adults since they are just babies. I think this is the main problem that causes men to be insensitive and emotionalist. However, it is their parents, society, and everyone around them who affect the boys to become the men that they should be. If people treat boys same as how they treat the girls, I guess men will act the same way as
The Glen Ridge boys, affectionately known to their peers as "our guys", were brought up as stereotypical boys, worsened by the "boys will be boys" attitude adopted by their parents, teachers and neighbors (Lefkowitz, 73). This ...
William Golding’s article, “Why Boys Become Vicious” is a descriptive account of the negative behavior some boys posses. It describes several instances where boy’s behavior can be extremely violent and cruel. In his article Golding also gives reasons for some of these actions and attempts to determine whether deep seeded cruelty is something people are born with, or if it is something people collect throughout their lives. He supports these two possibilities with conditions that could cause issues to arise in boys.
In “Boys,” Rick Moody shines light on the conflicts the boys face. The boys weren’t always prepared for the conflicts they faced nonetheless, they always figured out how to handle them. For instance, “Boys enter the house, kiss their mother, she explains the seriousness of their sister’s difficulty, her diagnosis” (Moody 242). The boys come into the
‘Boys will be boys’, a phrase coined to exonerate the entire male sex of loathsome acts past, present, and potential. But what about the female sex, if females act out of turn they are deemed ‘unladylike’ or something of the sort and scolded. This double standard for men and women dates back as far as the first civilizations and exists only because it is allowed to, because it is taught. Gender roles and cues are instilled in children far prior to any knowledge of the anatomy of the sexes. This knowledge is learned socially, culturally, it is not innate. And these characteristics can vary when the environment one is raised in differs from the norm. Child rearing and cultural factors play a large role in how individuals act and see themselves.
Typically, men are suppose to do masculine tasks as females have to do things that are considered feminine. In the video The Mask You Live In, it provides a scenario of a boy crying and it is deemed as weak. Providing emotion may seem as a feminine trait to some people. Therefore, the parents try to teach them at a young age to be a certain way where they feel fits with society. There is nothing wrong for a boy to show his emotions. Problems due to children being forced to hide their true feelings may also be a result to prevent bullying. Children learn a lot from adults especially parents, and its necessary to let children express who they really are. Forcing a child to be who their not to be accepted to society will cause emotional and physical toll on their lives. We need to help children embrace that despite their gender, its ok to be themselves and express themselves without
In the story, “Boys and Girls”, the narrator is not the only one coming to terms with their identity.
In the story ‘’What Does Boys Will Be Boys Really Mean’’ the author makes interesting points about girls and women being used in disrespectful manners in media and boys wearing clothes with pimp labels on them. When I first heard the name of the story I thought the author was going to write about boys being dirty and being disrespectful and that is kind of what the story was about.
Most boys tend to want to grow up as fast they can, to become men. “These include intense competition with other boys, engaging in risky behaviors, and criminal “tough guy” behavior intended to scare the world into seeing them as men”(Frank Pittman). When boys do this, they think they’re doing something right. They can be to others what their fathers were never to them. More than that they’re trying to prove it they’re selves because they don’t want to turn into their dads, somebody who just leaves their child.