I had no idea if I was the chosen person or one of the rejects, and it only made my anxiety worse. Knowing me, I realized I was at my stress limit. One of them needed to leave, and from what I could tell, my liking Kaoru was only getting stronger since I had recognized it. I just wanted him to say something to me about it. Whether he said it was a mistake or he wished we really had kissed, I didn't care.
I stopped caring because I thought even if I did perfect in my classes, my parents would just brush it off like always. Being surrounded by drugs and keeping it a secret put a lot of unnecessary pressure on me, especially when I was asked what kind of job my parents had. We were on we...
I’m absolutely nervous about my situation, I cannot stand it anymore, I am lost in this world and I do not have a clue of what to do. I need somebody to help me but I cannot trust anyone, except you. Gatsby has been in my head all day long, all the moments among us made me sad, but no, I cannot just let go because this. Do you understand me darling? It’s not that easy to run out of my life and leave all my planned life in here just like nothing when I started to get used to it.
Jacob was still at the end of the hall. There always will be regrets when I look back at my childhood, but the day I succumbed to peer pressure and abused another person just to be cool is something I deeply regret. What makes me feel worse is that no one asked for me to threaten Jacob, I did it on my own will. I was so desperate for everyone else’s friendship I was willing to hurt Jacob to be friends with everyone else. Friends that were willing to ditch me just because I talked to someone they didn’t like.
My brothers hated it, they were much older than I was, and refused to move every week, because everything that we needed was at our permanent house. I disliked the adjustments they had made, I disliked that my mother filed for divorce and I absolutely disliked how separated we all were. I began to blame my mother, because filing was her decision. I thought she was selfish, and they didn’t try hard enough to stay together nor work things
All I can do about this criticism is to accept them, and bare with the fact this is actually who I am as a person. It caused me a great amount of pain because I never realize all these things about me until I was bullied. At that time, the only thing I can do is to ignore them. I could not do anything and do not know what to do to make them stop this cruelty. The identity that my parents preserved is slowly fading away because I was starting to think that being myself was not normal.
Being abandoned by my loved ones is one of my insecurities, since childhood. Ive been through rough times my entire childhood from being with one parent to another or being on streets all alone. I never thought anyone would ever be interested in me or even if they did, they would use me and then walk out my life. My whole perspective on relationships changed when my boyfriend walked into my life. I thought it wouldn’t last or he’ll be flirting with other girls and what not.
My parents threatened to take some very valuable things out of my life. They told me if I continued with these actions I would not be able to cheer, see my friends, or even go to the same school! At the time I honestly thought they would never do such thing. Cheer was my life and I had some of the best friends I could ever ask for and I would lose both if I had to go to a different school. I pretty much ignored what my parents said and saw this boy anyway.
I would break down and cry to myself, but I would never talk about it. It all started with his being jealous. He started to be controlling, and I let him. I would say to myself, “I should’ve done this; I should’ve done that.” The first thing that I should’ve done was put my foot down when I saw things going bad. Sometimes I asked myself, “Why would I let this happen to me?” I was scared and “in love.” Well at least I thought I was, because I didn’t know what love was.