My Thoughts On Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

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“Five, four, three, two, one, Open your eyes.” My eyes fluttered open upon the sound of my psychologist’s voice reaching my ears. I smiled at him as he asked how our first hypnosis therapy treatment went for me. He then cracked a joke about horses to lighten up the mood of the room. Though I smiled and laughed, an icy hand was digging into my shoulder squeezing me full of anxiety. After our laughter died down I let the question of my diagnosis escape my lips, hand delivered by the icy hand on my shoulder. As soon as I spoke the icy hand froze time and my psychologist and I fell into an endless abyss of silence. Finally, my psychologist broke the silence. He looked me dead in the eye and without a persecution tone said, “ Trinidy, you have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.” I stared back into his clear eyes. My mind was running at Godspeed thinking of thousands of questions. Though, through this plethora of questions a few were screaming out in my mind as if the icy hand had grown a mouth and was yelling into my ear. How? What does this mean? Am I crazy? It was deafening, it clouded up my whole mind and I couldn’t think of things rationally. I could barely concentrate on what Zane was saying to me, I was so hung up on my new self. I felt that icy hand chuckle at my inner turmoil; the hand wanted me to doubt myself. I finally got so upset that my psychologist ended our session 20 minutes early. I walked out to my car while having the icy hand whisper words of hate and doubt into my ears and its icy claw gouging into my shoulder. Hours passed as I sat on my couch alone. Well, I suppose I wasn’t completely alone. My thoughts were enjoying my company. Discussing of how my life was ruined and how these symptoms of my diagn... ... middle of paper ... ...pocalypse was upon me, but now I was okay with it and now I could accept my new self. Those harsh words will never leave me, but maybe they didn’t have too. The thoughts cut deep and would never heal. I could still hear the icy hand whispering into my ear telling me everything I don’t like about myself, but I almost didn’t care. I would go to school and then swim team tomorrow and there was no changing that. I would go to college and then work. I would never forget what my personality is capable of. I would most certainly always keep my battle of normality to myself. I suppose this diagnosis was going to be a soft spot in my life. Though as of right now it wasn’t important. I looked up at my glow in the dark stars on last time. I laid back down to go to bed and right as I closed my eyes I felt the icy hand reach from the abyss and give my shoulder one final squeeze.

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