I left the conversation Saturday night really disturbed, feeling like this was some sort of burning bush encounter and that I was having a confrontation with God Himself in which He was trying to speak to me. I drove straight to Mecartney and then broke down and just started weeping uncontrollably. The feeling that I had just entered right there into the presence of God was overwhelming and I think for the first time in my life I got that feeling that people describe of being exposed before God and recognizing with horror their own uncleanliness, “Woe is me, I am ruined!” Part of it came from the dawning realization that my heart is a helpless mess that I can’t even begin to understand, and the only thing I could do was to plead with God to help me make sense of it all. I turned again to Psalm 139 again and prayed “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” At this point I think I truly gave up all claim to know myself and turned fully to God, whom is described in the passage as the God who knew me completely before I was even created.
My prayer after the retreat and during my time away at Prayer Mountain started with this Psalm too. Through the message on Saul, I became convicted that I needed to struggle with my image-consciousness and my desire to gain respect and recognition from others. Saul started off as a guy who genuinely wanted to follow after God’s purpose for his life, but somehow ended up in outright rebellion and disobedience against God. He wasn’t planning to do this, but somewhere along the way his own desire for self-glory hijacked his service to God and ended up bringing destruction to himself and to others. During the reflection time, I realized that I couldn’t be sure that I...
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...ises became so much more relevant to my life. Psalm 139 proved to be so right, that the only one who really knows me is God, so I should cling onto God and trust Him not me. I’m convicted again that God placed spiritual leaders and other people around me to speak truth into my life – it’s ultimately wrong and destructive for me to take on a hardened rebellious attitude toward them. I should regard their presence in my life as a gift and refuse the temptation in my heart to treat the relationship in an adversarial way when I’m being corrected. Most of all I’m thankful to God for this whole incident. Under different circumstances, that Saturday conversation might not have happened, and though it was torturous and ugly, it turned out to be such a wake-up call and catalyst for spiritual struggle in my heart that I know for certain that God’s hand is at work in my life.
... a cry for help “Save me god (commentary note)”. Maybe the psalmist is saying that it is this coming to awareness of our failing as human beings and our efforts to transcend those flaws are those that will bring true salvation. It may not be misfortune that Christ does not look at the drowning supplicant, but to the angel next to him; perhaps man is really alone, he finally must come to Christ, confessing all of his sins and weaknesses.
After seeing though the eyes of my pastor I’ve come to realize the importance of faith and committing to one’s beliefs. Returning to church after two massive losses has helped my mother in many ways and it has also taught me as a young man how small things that I could do would turn to have a big impact on someone’s life the same way my pastor impacted my life and the life of my siblings.
Overall, the real question in the end after reflection, inquiry, and acknowledgement is whether I, or any other, can choose to trust in God. Will we choose to rise above our insecurities and habits, and do what promotes justice? Will we have the “courage to be” during this difficult realization, and the courage to choose God over ourselves? If, and when we do, we will realize the only thing more important than our insecurities are the people God tells us to call our brothers, and sisters in our greater community.
I find this poem to be exceptional in its meaning, in fact the verse that comes to mind when thinking of this poem is Psalm 51:17 “the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” (Holy Bible, New Testament) I believe that the speaker has meaning behind his words he knows that a complete peace and joy come from the awareness of one’s sin, he also believes in the submission of himself to God and the humility of heart.
As I sat this morning reading this article, I thought of the many times, I, Personally have battled this "abyss". I know what it's like because I have been there. I don't and I may not fully understand or comprehend to understand what you have gone through in your life Halie, yet, I really want you to know that I am here for you, and that I love you no matter what. There is a personal story that I share and have shared many times in my course of missionary service. It's a story about a man. It goes something like this;
As time went by, I felt I didn’t have a great testimony, that my story was not important. I found myself listening to countless inspirational speakers and pastors who had mi...
...ing to accept “the love of Jesus down in my soul,” and accepting myself as sinner, I trust that God’s will in my life is coming to fruition. For I have a piece of love that will never grow old!
Spiritual formation is a process that morphs as we grow and change. There is no one singular correct path this type of journey takes because each journey is as individual as the person who is experiencing it. Most obvious, the journey will be different from those who identify as religious and those who do not and will diversify with in each category. For example, the spiritual journey a Buddhist takes will be different from that of a believer in Judaism or Christianity. In fact, the journey will continue to diversify between Christians, male and female, age groups, even by demographic location. Consequently, the spiritual formation process is as diverse as it is intricate and we may never be able to discover all the journey options. Although individuals may not actively recognize they are experiencing spiritual formation it is a process that affects all. Because it is in human nature to question, learn, grow, and act, everyone to a certain extent is exposed to a unique spiritual formation journey.
Psalms 1:1 begins by speaking of the blessing of the man that walks in the Lord’s counsel. Verse 1-3 illustrates the good people who decided to turn their backs away from a life of sin and focus their hearts and minds on God’s wisdom (Alexander, Alexander p.360). Psalms 1:1-3 expresses
I felt just what they were talking about but never knew what it meant or what it could mean. But that singular moment of realizing that there really was a way for me to admit this simple truth? Miracle three. Somewhere after all of this, I heard a commercial on KLOVE, which I try to listen to more and more these days. The commercial raised the question about going back to college. Yes, in these past few weeks I has started contemplating it, but I have no money or time to do so on my own. So I thought, if the Lord could provide me with the money, I would give it a try, a true honest try with everything thing I have in me. And the next words that bellow from the car radio are, "We are giving out scholarships." My jaw dropped to the floor of the car and I hear, see, and feel not only the answer to my prayer of how clergy hear God and know it is Him, but also, miracle four. Throughout this whole experience up to this point, there was one person in the background sneaking up very easily and lovingly into my life in many ways. Without knowing it, through advice, questions, and conversations, the first person I began asking for help to find my way back to God had become my best friend; Ashley
...ollowing in my sister's footsteps, I began learning from her experiences. We tread lightly around the subject of the religion these days. Thankfully, there are no wild debates at the dinner table on holidays. We respect one another's beliefs and agree to disagree about them. She often tells me, "You should come to my church!" when I call her seeking sisterly advice or needing a sympathetic ear. I have attended her church and admire how she's strengthened her parish and community. That's more inspirational to me than any Sunday sermon - as she is one who sincerely lives in the word, even when it's difficult for her.
Once the crying commenced, my mother called me, telling me that my last grandma had gone into the hospital. She collapsed in her apartment and was rushed to the emergency center. I had no idea what to do. I felt like God was just condemning me and attacking me for some reason. I went into this deep depression and I didn’t want anyone to talk to me, if they did, I would simply start crying.
Today's Gospel reading shows us that the Lord is with us through times of trial… or when the storms of life get to be too much to handle. Whether He calms the storm as he did for the disciples, or asks us to let him walk through the storm with us, as Paul talks of in 2 Corinthians, or gives us the strength to fight against it, as He did for David while up against Goliath; he is always with us. He does not ignore the cry of the afflicted.
...rd was trying to tell me this. It was during this time I heard the word ‘seek first the kingdom’. As I heard this word, I cried out to God for the first time in my life to remember me. It was here I made a vow to the Lord in the faith that I would find remembrance. As I made this vow and fulfilled it, the Lord opened doors that I can truly say would not have been opened if I didn’t respond to the word to ‘seek first the kingdom’. Out of this time, the Lord blessed me financially, led me to buy a home and healed my anxious heart. It was here that I began to find testimony before God through offering. This is something I am still finding to this day.