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My Biggest Challenge

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You're Stupid.
He constantly tells me what a terrible daughter I am, how stupid and worthless I am, how I will never go to college, how I'll always be poor
I try to forget, but even now I feel like I'm about to burst with sadness.
Whenever I try to discuss college I get told that I am a failure and how I will never be good at anything except laying on my back.
Sometimes it's just so hard to keep my head up and not cry because swimming against a current is hard.

2. Overall, he's a pretty good father...when he's not angry. When I was younger, I could remember him being a polite, caring, charming man outside of the home. From what I could tell, people loved him. Behind closed doors, however, he was another creature...full of rage, stress, and unkind words.
From then on, it continued to snowball.
He was and still is a controlling, manipulative person who wants to know every aspect of my life and belittle me as though I as an adult cannot handle myself.
He has called me every name under the sun and has mocked me and laughed at me.

It's gotten worse and I have been preparing to move out from underneath his tyrannical rule.

Once he decides what it is that I did, it is his new reality and he seeks to punish me for whatever he is he mistakenly thinks I did.

I am a happy-go-lucky, friendly, loving, and optimistic person. I always see the best in people and I am so trusting--possibly to a fault. I credit my attitude on life to my mother who has put up with my dad for decades
Even my school life was a nightmare for me. It was filled with endless taunting that I was too embarrassed to seek help from.
My childhood is one thing that I will never miss.

4. Part of me is thankful for my father. His constant verbal abuse encouraged me...

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... us as a perfect family with no flaws, while his home persona has an unwarranted rage filled hatred for his children.

I stuck around after high school (my mistake), deciding he might possibly be right about me not being smart enough to go to college, so I started working, helped payed the bills around the house, and gave my parents whatever amount of money they asked for. I saw the error of my ways and decided to enroll in a community college down the road from our house.

Of course this infuriates him, as he belittles me once more with the fact that I am too dumb to listen to him about not being intelligent, and that I wont be able to afford it, because he sure as hell wasn't going to help me. Which was fine because I was and still am paying for the classes out of my own pocket, without his assistance.

I'm done and once I'm gone, I'm never looking back.
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