My Avoidant Style

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Recommended: Outcomes of conflict styles

When we first started to learn about conflict styles, I was positive that I had a collaborator conflict style based on the textbook definition. However, after I took the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode assessment, it revealed something quite different. I also gave a similar test to two people that know me the best, my mother and my pastor, and their results actually supported the results I received for myself. Everyone who took this test on my behalf said I had an avoidant conflict style regardless of the kind of relationship I had with the person. Below are the results that I received from everyone on the Thomas Kilamann Conflict Mode assessment: Self-Score Mother Pastor Average Competitive 4 9 6 6.33 Collaborating 1 6 6 4.33 Compromising 10 3 1 4.66 Avoidant 10 8 8 8.66 Accommodating 5 4 9 6 My pastor is also a mentor to me. I go to her for any and every type of consolation when I have issues. I know she will always give me good Christian advice. After giving her the test she said I was very accommodating but at times avoidant. I think I received this result because she is my pastor and I have great respect for her and her opinion of me, so when she gives me advice I take it to heart. Since I care about the way she views me, I often hide parts of stories when I’m in need of help. For example, I went to her about her opinion on premarital sex and I definitely down played how much my boyfriend at the time and I were discussing the topic. I still received great advice and I actually implemented it into my relationship because I know she is very wise. She said, “Often when you ask me for help with something, I feel your reluctance before you say anything. I realize my position can make it hard to say exactly how you feel.” My mom raised me from birth so she knows me really well, and I am comfortable to say how I feel about things. My mom’s scores for me revealed

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