Mom, I Hated You but Not Any More

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I feel terrible for the way I hated you. My ability to thrash hatred onto another person like I had with you was not at all limited by my age. Twelve years old; it is hard to believe I was capable of disowning my own mother and father at such a young age. I was astonishingly horrible, placing blame on people whose situations I could never have understood. The distance I put between you and dad was never your fault and though the daughter from your past haunts you and says it was, I ask that you try your hardest to ignore her acidic words. She is long gone. That little girl eventually wiped away the blinding shield of self-pity and revealed a rational image, one that portrayed the truth in how your decision influenced my life. My previous expectation on how that decision should have affected me was based on a phony illustration of an ideal family. Realizing my faults dug up a fact that I feel obligated to admit: your divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. A beautiful outlook on my situation evolved from you and dad deciding to separate; I developed the ability to cope, an appreciation for both of you as individuals and came to realize that my life could have had a far worse outcome. The current appreciation I have for you making the decision to divorce is a product of my past experiences, and though you know just as well as I do the condition of our past life, I feel it is worth you knowing how I truly perceived those times before the divorce.
You may hope that I do not remember that you and dad used to fight, but I can assure you that I do. I remember how a heated discussion could spring into an argument within minutes, continually escalating until only screams escaped both your lungs. The sounds of your voice...

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...ou guys for what you had done. I guess my frustration originated from the realization that there was nothing I could do about your divorce; it became the first thing I felt hopeless in controlling. Until I realized that there was definitely nothing I could do to change the situation did I learn to cope. The frustration and anger became exhausting to keep up with, and thankfully caused me to give into accepting the truth. I have you to thank for my coping skill, which I now consider a strong essential. You once told me, “Life is always changing, and it wouldn’t be life if it wasn’t.” I now fully understand that line’s meaning. Your divorce helped me see that happiness is not defined by a title or ideal image, but made by fulfilling individuality. I saw this through witnessing my own parents transform from a single entity in marriage, into two distinctive individuals.
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