Intimacy vs. Isolation in Ordinary People Ordinary People by Judith Guest is the story of a dysfunctional family who relate to one another through a series of extensive defense mechanisms, i.e. an unconscious process whereby reality is distorted to reduce or prevent anxiety. The book opens with Conrad, son of upper middle-class Beth and Calvin Jarrett, home after eight months in a psychiatric hospital, there because he had attempted suicide by slashing his wrists. His mother is a meticulously orderly person. She does all the right things; attending to Conrad's physical needs, keeping a spotless home, playing golf and bridge with other women in her social circle, but, in her own words "is an emotional cripple". Conrad's father, raised in an orphanage, seems anxious to please everyone, a commonplace reaction of individuals who, as children, experienced parental indifference or inconsistency. Though a successful tax attorney, he is jumpy around Conrad, and, according to his wife, drinks too many martinis. Conrad seems consumed with despair. A return to normalcy, school and home-life, appear to be more than Conrad can handle. Chalk-faced, hair-hacked Conrad seems bent on perpetuating the family myth that all is well in the world. His family, after all, "are people of good taste. They do not discuss a problem in the face of the problem. And, besides, there is no problem." Yet, there is not one problem in this family but two - Conrad's suicide and the death by drowning of Conrad's older brother, Buck. Conrad eventually contacts a psychiatrist, Dr. Berger, because he feels the "air is full of flying glass" and wants to feel in control. Their initial sessions together frustrate the psychiatrist because of Conrad's inability to express his feelings. Berger cajoles him into expressing his emotions by saying, "That's what happens when you bury this junk, kiddo. It keeps resurfacing. Won't leave you alone." Conrad's slow but steady journey towards healing seems partially the result of cathartic revelations which purge guilt feelings regarding his brother's death and his family's denial of that death, plus the "love of a good woman. Jeannine, who sings soprano to Conrad's tenor..." There is no doubt that Conrad is consumed with guilt, "the feeling one has when one acts contrary to a role he has assumed while interacting with a significant person in his life," This guilt engenders in Conrad feelings of low self esteem. Survivors of horrible tragedies, such as the Holocaust, frequently express similar feelings of worthlessness. In his book, "Against All Odds", William Helmreich relates how one survivor articulates a feeling of abandonment. "Did I abandon them, or did they abandon me?" Conrad expresses a similar thought in remembering the sequence of events when the sailboat they were on turned over. Buck soothes Conrad saying, "Okay, okay. They'll be looking now, for sure, just hang on, don't get tired, promise? In an imagined conversation with his dead brother, Conrad asks, "'Man, why'd you let go?' 'Because I got tired.' 'The hell! You never get tired, not before me, you don't! You tell me not to get tired, you tell me to hang on, and then you let go!' 'I couldn't help it. Well, screw you, then!'" Conrad feels terrible anger with his brother, but cannot comfortably express that anger. His psychiatrist, after needling Conrad, asks, "Are you mad?" When Conrad responds that he is not mad, the psychiatrist says, "Now that is a lie. You are mad as hell." Conrad asserts that, "When you let yourself feel, all you feel is lousy." When his psychiatrist questions him about his relationship with his mother, Calvin says, "My mother and I do not connect. Why should it bother me? My mother is a very private person." This sort of response is called, in psychological literature, "rationalization". We see Conrad's anger and aggression is displaced, i.e. vented on another, as when he physically attacked a schoolmate. Yet, he also turns his anger on himself and expresses in extreme and dangerous depression and guilt. "Guilt is a normal emotion felt by most people, but among survivors it takes on special meaning. Most feel guilty about the death of loved ones whom they feel they could have, or should have, saved. Some feel guilty about situations in which they behaved selfishly (Conrad held on to the boat even after his brother let go), even if there was no other way to survive. In answer to a query from his psychiatrist on when he last got really mad, Conrad responds, "When it comes, there's always too much of it. I don't know how to handle it." When Conrad is finally able to express his anger, Berger, the psychiatrist says to Calvin, "Razoring is anger; self-mutilation is anger. So this is a good sign; turning his anger outward at last." Because his family, and especially his mother, frowns upon public displays of emotion, Conrad keeps his feelings bottled up, which further contributes to depression. Encyclopedia Britannica, in explicating the dynamics of depression states, "Upon close study, the attacks on the self are revealed to be unconscious expressions of disappointment and anger toward another person, or even a circumstance..., deflected from their real direction onto the self. The aggression, therefore, directed toward the outside world is turned against the self." The article further asserts that, "There are three cardinal psychodynamic considerations in depression: (1) a deep sense of loss of what is loved or valued, which may be a person, a thing or even liberty; (2) a conflict of mixed feelings of love and hatred toward what is loved or highly valued; (3) a heightened overcritical concern with the self." Conrad's parents are also busily engaged in the business of denial. Calvin, Conrad's father, says, "Don't worry. Everything is all right. By his own admission, he drinks too much, "because drinking helps..., deadening the pain". Calvin cannot tolerate conflict. Things must go smoothly. "Everything is jello and pudding with you, Dad." Calvin, the orphan says, "Grief is ugly. It is something to be afraid of, to get rid of". "Safety and order. Definitely the priorities of his life. He constantly questions himself as to whether or not he is a good father. "What is fatherhood, anyway?" Beth, Conrad's mother, is very self-possessed. She appears to have a highly developed super-ego, that part of an individual's personality which is "moralistic..., meeting the demands of social convention, which can be irrational in requiring certain behaviors in spite of reason, convenience and common sense". She is furthermore, a perfectionist. "Everything had to be perfect, never mind the impossible hardship it worked on her, on them all." Conrad is not unlike his mother. He is an overachiever, an "A" student, on the swim team and a list-maker. His father tells the psychiatrist, "I see her not being able to forgive him. For surviving, maybe. No, that's not it, for being too much like her." A psychoanalyst might call her anal retentive. Someone who is "fixated symbolically in orderliness and a tendency toward perfectionism". "Excessive self-control, not expressing feelings, guards against anxiety by controlling any expression of emotion and denying emotional investment in a thing or person. "She had not cried at the funeral.... She and Conrad had been strong and calm throughout." The message of the book is contained in Berger's glib saying that, "People who keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile". We see Conrad moving toward recovery and the successful management of his stage of development, as articulated by Erikson, "intimacy vs. isolation". At story end, his father is more open with Conrad, moving closer to him, while his mother goes off on her own to work out her issues. Both trying to realize congruence in their development stage (Erikson), "ego integrity vs. despair".
At first Conrad did not know who he was or what his purpose was, when he came home form the hospital. Con had no sense of direction because at the hospital there was an everyday routine that he got used to. When he came home he made up his own routine in the beginning. He tried to go back to what every thing was like before his decsion. But he was unable to. He was trying to take one day at time. One thing was true though "Things were so different at the hospital. People were, you know, turned on all the time. And u just cannot live like that. You cannot live with all that emotion floating around, looking for a place to land. It is do exhausting (55, Guest)." This quote is trying to say that at the hospital people were like machines. The staff told them what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. Outside the hospital you get to make your own choices.
Conrad Jarrett mostly uses silence when dealing with conflict. One example is when he did not tell his family about his suicidal thoughts. The suicide attempt could been avoided if he had mustered up the courage to have a crucial conversation with Calvin. He also used the silence technique when he neglected to tell his friends or swim team coach about what was going on at home. When his friends tried to talk to him, Conrad resorted to a “violence” technique and became unnecessarily angry. Even though Conrad thinks he is not doing anything wrong when he is silent, it still makes the conflict worse because it is not being addressed.
As a child Conrad was born in Berdichev, Ukraine on the third day of December in 1857. although born in the Ukraine, he was of Polish ethnicity. Conrad’s full birth name was Józef Teodor Konrad Korzeniowski which explains why he went more simply by Joseph (Witkoski 2). He was born into a wealthy noble family and was not considered a commoner on the streets. Despite the fact that his family was of noble status, the parents of his mother, Ewa Bobrowski, thought Conrad’s father, Apollo Korzeniowski, was born with tainted blood (Witkoski 2). Conrad’s father was a political writer and translator of Alfred de Vigny, Charles Dickens and Shakespeare (Zacks). Logically, because of Korzeniowski’s passion for literature it inspired Conrad to begin exploring literature himself. Conrad’s literary exploration commenced in his native language, but by his mid teens he had expanded to other languages including French and English (Zacks). At the age of four Conrad’s father was exiled to the city of Vologda for organizing an uprising. Within four months of his father’s exultation his mother died from tuberculosis. Then four years later his father passed away leaving Conrad an orphan (Zacks).
In this movie tragedy had struck this family extremely hard, and it blew everything apart. There were arguments, depression, sadness, loneliness, and many more. Conrad seemed to be one of the most distraught from the event where his older brother had died from an accident. He had lost his only sibling, and did not feel very good about it. He became depressed, and did not say much. His parents were oblivious to what he was feeling, because he showed very little signs of non-verbal communication. Conrad felt that it was best to hold all of his emotions
Conrad and his father, Calvin, had a very good and strong trusting relationship. Although Conrad was stubborn and didn't want to speak of his
Conrad was a suicidal boy who didn’t know what to do with his life. Confused and hopeless someone needed to help, shape his life around and make everything better. Someone with experience, someone to help make him better, someone to help turn his whole life around. His brother died and he witnessed it. When Conrad witnessed a death of a close one his soul and heart were broken for ever and it needs someone to help heal and bandage it up. He also heard about the girl he was in the hospital with committed suicide at the end of the book. He was devastated and he didn't know what to do, so we would go to talk to one person he trusted which was Dr. Berger. Dr. Berger changed his whole life around and helped him be a man that he always wanted to be. Conrad looked up to his brother, that was his role model and he couldn't do anything to help him in the last moments of Buck’s life. Dr. Berger helped him in so many ways, get through obstacles he would of never got through alone. Not only was Dr. Berger his Doctor but he was his friend, his only friend he could really trust. Dr. Berger helped Conrad get his life more in “control”.
Throughout the film a focus on family and the dynamics is prominent. A traumatic event, the loss of a son, brother, and friend, has influenced the Jarrett greatly. Due to the circumstances in which Conrad, a severely depressed teenager and the main character, was present during the death of his brother, feelings of guilt had built up in this young man. A great deal of stress and tension is built between the family members because of this tragic accident. Here is where the concept of, change in one part of the familial system reverberates through out other parts. (Duty, 2010) The relationship between the Conrad and his mother become even more absent because, in the film it is presented to show that the mother blames and has not forgiven Conrad for the death of his brother Buck. Six months after the death of his brother Conrad attempts suicide with razors in the bathroom of his home. His parents commit him to a psychiatric hospital and eight months later, he is trying to resume his “old” life.
When Conrad learns of a tragic event, he becomes mentally trapped in the present. After reading in the paper about the suicide of one of Conrad’s friends, Karen, he is sent into a panic. With confusion and shock overwhelming him, he cannot comprehend his own thoughts. That night, Conrad “[…] awakens to fear again; his mouth dry. For terror-filled seconds he doesn’t know if it is happening all over again. Or worse, that time has tipped backward and it is happening still” (Guest 214). This exposes Conrad’s inner emotions and feelings towards the incident with Karen. He believed she was in a stable position and that her condition was improving. These thoughts overwhelm Conrad with doubt because now he, himself, is unsure if he has progressed at all. He feels as though time is turning back and ‘it’ is happening again. This is a setback for Conrad because he has lost the ability to recognize the strength within
Several critics have put down Conrad's work because his writing is so vague; they claim that it lacks order and clarity. Conrad occasionally wrote back to these critics and explained why he chose to construct his stories in such a vague manner. Says Professor Mark Dintenfass, commenting on Conrad's own opinion about his writing: "For Conrad then, as for most modern artists, the world as we experience it is not the sort of place that can be reduced to a se...
Dr. Berger helped Conrad and Calvin in many ways, Conrad and Calvin were going through a hard time and Dr. Berger really helped there problems. Dr. Berger was one of the main reasons why Conrad got better and without Dr. Berger helping him he maybe wouldn’t have gotten better. The first way Dr. Berger helped Conrad was by letting Conrad know he could trust him and know everything he said would stay right in that room. That opened Conrad up a lot more making it easier for Dr. Berger to understand his problems. This helped because Conrad didn’t have anyone he could trust. No one he could open up and let out all his feelings to. Conrad needed that very badly. Conrad could yell to him and let out all his feelings inside and Conrad couldn’t do that with anyone else. The next piece of evidence for how Dr. Berger helped Conrad is he lets Conrad cry for him and Dr. Berger comforts him. Like in the book after he found out Karen died, he went to Dr. Berger’s and cried to him. He didn’t cry to his dad, but cried to his therapist. In the book Conrad never had someone he could cry to, he always had to deal with everything on his own. But now that he has someone that is Dr. Berger he could cry to someone. By crying to someone he got all of his emotions out instead of just keeping them in and letting them build up to where he might kill himself again. The last reason why Dr. Berger made Conrad feel like family was by Dr. Berger supporting Conrad’s decisions and not getting mad at him at all, it showed that Conrad could trust him...
Boyle, Mary. "Hinduism, Buddhism, Confucianism, Daoism." Orange Humanities. Midland University, Anderson 304, Fremont. Mar. 2012. Lecture.
Beyond the shield of civilization and into the depths of a primitive, untamed frontier lies the true face of the human soul. It is in the midst of this savagery and unrelenting danger that mankind confronts the brooding nature of his inner self. Joseph Conrad’s novel, Heart of Darkness, is the story of one man's insight into life as he embarks on a voyage to the edges of the world. Here, he meets the bitter, yet enlightening forces that eventually shape his outlook on life and his own individuality. Conrad’s portrayal of the characters, setting, and symbols, allow the reader to reflect on the true nature of man.
Throughout his career, Conrad examined the ridiculousness of living by a traditional code of conduct: his novels suggest that the complication of the human spirit allows neither absolute loyalty to any ideal nor even to one’s conscience. It is presented in all of his novels that failure is a fact of human existence. The novel Nostromo, which deals mainly with revolution, politics and financial manipulation, is best at portraying failure. This novel is widely recognized as Conrad’s most ambitious novel.
After being wounded in a duel or of a self-inflicted gunshot in the chest, Conrad continued a career at the seas for 16 years in the British merchant navy. He had been deeply in debt, but his uncle discharged his debts. This was a turning point in his life. Conrad rose through the ranks from common seaman to first mate, and by 1886 he obtained his master mariner's certificate, commanding his own ship, Otago. In the same year he was given British citizenship and he changed officially his name to Joseph Conrad. Witnessing the forces of the sea, Conrad developed a deterministic view of the world, which he expressed in a letter in 1897: "What makes mankind tragic is not that they are the victims of nature, it is that they are conscious of it. To be part of the animal kingdom under the conditions of this earth is very well - but soon, as you know of your slavery, the pain, the anger, and the strife. The tragedy begins."
Karl, Frederick Robert and Laurence Davies, eds. The Collected Letters of Joseph Conrad Vol. 1-6. New York: Cambridge U., 1983.