I Am a Conscientious Objector

I Am a Conscientious Objector

"I no longer wish to be a part of the military. I have come to the conclusion that war is not the answer to any of the world's problems. War is the failure of diplomacy and mindfulness."

Those are the words that led to my current problems. Sometimes, in a momentary state of weakness I curse myself for uttering those words. I had joined the National Guard wanting to make the costs of college a little easier on myself, and that had grown into the belief that I was doing my patriotic duty--I was fighting for freedom and democracy, not only in my own country, but around the world. Now I have come to the conclusion that I erred in judgment. I believe that I allowed myself to be indoctrinated into a patriotic fantasyland where reality and illusion were intertwined to create a mythological belief in my country and my service.

How did this drama begin? Some would say it began while I was growing up, surrounded by violent images in movies, video games, and the nightly news, and a certain stereotyping of what boys and men should be. This is not an illogical argument, but I don't think the violent images are the only factor. I was having problems at home and was looking for an escape. I thought that joining the service would give me an "out" to my--current problems--so I signed up for the National Guard (not wanting to make the full-time commitment to the regular Army). This, I'm afraid, constitutes the reasons many of my brothers and sisters have joined the ranks.

My family dropped me of at the hotel on the eve of my departure to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. They were proud, happy, and sad at the same time.

Military training is not really like they make it out to be on the TV commercials. It's extremely boring most of the time. The main catch phrase we often used between each other was, "Hurry up and wait," because that is what we seemed to be doing. Basically, for 90% of what we did we had to wait for ten or twenty other people to do it before and after us.