Having A Secure Attachment

God enjoys throwing curveballs. He loves to thrust my plans around so that my life molds into his design. I do not believe that this is out of malice, but rather to teach me about letting go and trusting in him. Over the last few years I have seen God put me in different situations and relationships that I did not expect. He has allowed me to experience the pain of having a sibling die in the womb, ending friendships due to unhealthy boundaries, and go years feeling isolated. In these times I sought God, and recognized Him as my safe haven. After carefully analyzing my behavior from the last several years, as well as what causes it, I have realized that I have a secure attachment style, although I struggle with disorganized tendencies.

An attachment

This means that every so often, I feel as if I am unworthy of love and that others cannot meet my emotional needs. I believe that this was caused by several unhealthy experiences I had in high school. In high school, I was continuously failed by friends who pretended to be supportive, but never followed through with their promises. They would assure me of how important I was to them, and then proceed to ignore or betray me. The height of this was my senior year of high school. I had just recovered from an extremely painful break up, ended and abusive friendship, and was dealing with family issues. The only person I felt comfortable talking with was my best friend, Tres. Once he got a girlfriend that spring, I felt abandoned. I knew that anything I shared with him, he would share with his girlfriend. I no longer had someone I felt comfortable sharing information with, and I began to doubt others. This disappointment I felt for others stirred within me and imposed a deep, looming guilt. I felt that I should become more vulnerable with others, but I felt that if I did open up I would not be accepted. It caused a deep internal conflict, which made me feel unworthy of