Final Paper 335

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Recommended: Violence and bullying in schools

One of the main points of the book I read is that verbal abuse is an issue of control or holding power over another. The author describes two types of power in the book. One type of power is called power over and this type of power is about dominance and control. The second type of power is called personal power and that power is about mutuality and co-creation.

When an abuser uses power over they expect to get what they want by using power because as stated before verbal abuse is about holding power over another person. Power over also involves what the book calls poisonous pedagogy and this is defined as a toxic method of teaching or raising a child. The poisonous pedagogy could play a role in why an abuser uses verbal abuse as power and control and the reason why I say this because an abuser could have been surrounded by abuse during their childhood and they modeled the behavior that they saw take place and possibly did not see anything wrong with it.

The author discussed the research that she had completed and she talked about how the abused partner believes that her and her partner are living in the same reality but the truth of the matter is they are living in different realities. For example, a girl makes a statement to her boyfriend and the boyfriend “does not” like it so he says something negative that makes a partner question if she really did do something wrong although she feels like she didn’t.

A great deal of the book is directed towards the characteristics of a verbal abuser and also the ways an abuser tries to deflect their behavior onto their partner. Some of the characteristics that are talked about in the book are withholding which is defined as the abuser withholding their true feelings when their part...

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...omeone who is a verbal abuser the book does a good job of pointing out what those signs could be. Denial is one of the deflections discussed in the book and how an abuser can be in denial about their words being problem. The book also has some great checklists and questions people can answer if they feel they are in a verbally abusive relationship.

A boyfriend or girlfriend calling someone they say they love out of their name can hurt just as much as a boyfriend or girlfriend slapping someone they say love. There are feelings and power behind words and another person hands. In closing, another thing this book help me understand when it comes to working abuse cases is that I must start wherever the client is when it comes to abuse and there are chapters in the book that offer explanations as to why a person is a verbal abuser and why the victim continues to stay.

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