It was every parent’s worst nightmare. That feeling of uneasiness, not knowing if you’ll ever know the truth, fled the minds of my parents.
Two days ago, on November 16, my life flashed before my eyes twice. The first had happened around 7:30 in the evening and I was on my way to my best friends house. I had gone to her house a thousand times before, and I didn’t think this time would be any different. Driving down the highway, the unimaginable happened, I lost control of my car. I had lived through 20 seconds of my worst fear. Spinning around and around, I thought my life was going to end. All the good times and the bad times flashed in my eyes, and I thought about all the things I would miss out on if I died. I thought the worst was inevitable, death was upon me, I was going to die at a mere 17 years old. Those 20 seconds seemed to have lasted forever, every single day of life was relived twice, I thought it was never going to end. The crash seemed so far, but it was closer than I ever could have imagined. The impact which would determine the rest of my life. After waking up, I thought the worst had happened, I was paralyzed. I would never be able to walk again, my dreams had been crushed in one minute. I didn’t know what I was gonna do. I decided that this was not going to be my fate. I began smacking my legs so vigorously you would have thought it was the end of the world. With the adrenaline and my instincts finally kicking, I rushed out of my car, no one was in sight. I couldn’t find my phone and I thought I was going to be stuck there forever. Within minutes I saw headlights, there was a God. I figured maybe one of the near by houses saw me crash and came over to help. As the car approached I waved my hands, trying to ge...
... middle of paper ...
...rauma was always with them. In some ways I don’t blame them, I could never imagine what they went through. The events that caused each of us sadness, were so different in many ways, and I would never understand, just like they would never understand my pain. I guess they never will be able to try to understand. Five years later and I still watch their sorrow everyday. I see the hurt in their souls from losing a child. Being so close to relief and having it be taken away. That day, that one day when the cops found out where I was. The day they rushed to the location where I was help without a plan, worked out in the worst possible way. My parents sat at the police station, preparing to see me walk through the doors, but instead they saw me wheeled in, inside a black body bag. The worst possible outcome, came. I was dead and they would never have their baby girl back.
Most individuals have experienced the everlasting joy and love that comes with caring family and friends, but the realization is that agony and despair will always win the war of light and dark, and family and friends are simply just impeding the end result. When a child is born, agony is already set in place, for screaming and crying will commence as soon as the child feels hands clasped on to him. However, this agony is soon met with joy as the child is met with his mother’s soothing heartbeat. Moreover, sometimes this heartbeat never comes, and thus, agony and despair stay within this child’s heart forever. Jimmy Baca, a lost young man who has only witnessed pain in his life, is this child. Furthermore, there comes a time in every individual’s
If they never told us anything, then they thought we would know nothing. But we always knew. We weren’t surprised when our parents told us they were getting divorced, we had know for months and months. Our father was coming home later and later, drunker and drunker. And his business trips were not to were he said they were. But we never talked about it, it was always easier to ignore the truth. Keep with the lie, keep with the hope.
At 10, I never knew whether my father would be sober, reasonable, even pleasant - or drunk, argumentative and abusive. On one February day with four inches of snow on the ground and a freezing rain falling, I was walking home from my cousin's house in the early evening and saw my father lying on the soggy, snow-covered sidewalk. I didn't know what my father would do if I roused him, and I was afraid to find out. Perhaps, subconsciously, I hoped my father wouldn't waken at all. I continued on, did nothing, said nothing. This I will remember with guilt for the rest of my life.
I received the call that my brother had overdosed when I was going to a haunted house with a couple of my friends. My mother had not known the severity and told me not to worry. Steven had overdosed in the past so I was not as concerned as I should have been. My friends and I kept on with our festivities and then they dropped me off at my house. There was no one home and I became distressed. When I called my mother she told me to just go to bed and that they would be home soon. I forced myself to sleep. I was in a daze when my mother and father came into my room to tell me that my brother was dead. I don’t know what happened in my brain, but I could not talk and I could not cry. I believe I brushed it off as an awful nightmare. My unconscious demeanor scared my parents so they kept sending people in my room trying to get through to me. I woke up to my best friend hugging me, not saying a word, and then she left. I woke up to my grandma holding my hand with tears flowing down her eyes, not saying a word, and then she left. I woke to my godmother speaking about grief and how I needed to believe that he was gone, and then she left. How was I supposed to believe that my brother was no longer on this earth? I sat there on my bed alone as the idea of my brother dying crept into my mind. My heart began to literally ache. I cried hysterically for hours on hours. It has been a year since he has passed and it doesn’t get any
One late summer night when AAM was ten years old, she was cuddled up with her younger brother and sister in piles of sleeping bags on the floor. The pain of the last few months had graciously excused itself that night while hope, instead, was finally welcomed in. She remembers the night feeling carefree; especially once her parents came into join them. However, the happiness quickly vanished and heart-crushing fear began to set in as her parents said, “We have something to tell you.” Her heart began to beat unsteadily with each breath catching in her throat. She looked around to find her little brother and sister pale and lifeless. Her dad looked distant while her mom was epically failing at hiding her tears. All too soon the four most horrid words AAM would ever hear were said. “We are getting divorced,” her parents stated. At that moment, the entire world crashed down around her; leaving her helpless and alone. All she remembers today is her mom’s piercing cries in her parents’ old bedroom, and the terror-stricken fear of not knowing what will happen tomorrow.
From the moment my parents told me, I confronted emotions and issues that many adults have never faced.
With music blasting, voices singing and talking, it was another typical ride to school with my sister. Because of our belated departure, I went fast, too fast. We started down the first road to our destination. This road is about three miles long and filled with little hills. As we broke the top of one of the small, blind hills in the middle of the right lane was a dead deer. Without any thought, purely by instinct I pulled the wheel of the car to the left and back over to the right. No big deal but I was going fast. The car swerved back to the left, to the right, to the left. Each time I could feel the car scratching the earth with its side. My body jolted with the sporadic movements of the car. The car swerved to the right for the last time. With my eyes sealed tight, I could feel my body float off the seat of the car.
Their thoughts were stricken with, “worry, grief and fear of the unknown.” How else would a parent react if their kid’s life were not entirely guaranteed? My dad told me that my car accident was a, “life changing ordeal, not knowing if your baby will live or die, will he ever get over the accident and the many set backs that you eventually had to go through because of this,” I feel like this wreck affected my dad more than me. His reactions were those of extreme remorse and guilt. But why be guilty? How could he have known that this was going to happen? No one did and I certainly do not blame him for these terrible events. Based on the way he talked to me about his reactions I would say that his overall feelings from that night were those of guilt – but these were entirely unwarranted, he was at no
Two years and four months ago I died. A terrible condition struck me, and I was unable to do anything about it. In a matter of less than a year, it crushed down all of my hopes and dreams. This condition was the death of my mother. Even today, when I talk about it, I burst into tears because I feel as though it was yesterday. I desperately tried to forget, and that meant living in denial about what had happened. I never wanted to speak about it whenever anyone would ask me how I felt. To lose my Mom meant losing my life. I felt I died with her. Many times I wished I had given up, but I knew it would break the promise we made years before she passed away. Therefore, I came back from the dead determined and more spirited than before.
I was very excited to make a new step in my life, college. I came with high hopes and aspirations. My hometown is not near Arizona, It is Lake Tahoe, Nevada, so going home for the weekend was simply out of the question. I had a great time for the first month, enjoying freedom. However, I was sitting in my room one night writing a paper with my roommate, and one of my friends from home called me. She said that one of our good friends from high school had just committed suicide earlier that day. I didn’t know how to react to this; I was scared, and confused. Why did he do it? Why didn’t anyone know that he was unhappy? Was he unhappy? I felt regret, thinking I should have been there for him. Once the crying commenced, my mother called me telling me that my last grandma had gone into the hospital. She had collapsed in her apartment and was rushed to the emergency center. I had no idea what to do. I felt like God was just condemning me and attacking me for some reason. I went into this deep depression and I didn’t want anyone to talk to me, if they did, I would simply start crying. I was alone, and no one knew who I was. I was too far away from home to go to my friend’s ceremony.
February twenty-third 2010 was just a regular ordinary day. I was on my way to class on this cold February afternoon, when my phone rung. It was my cousin on the other end telling me to call my mom. I could not figure out what was wrong, so I quickly said okay and I hung up and called my mom. When my mom answered the phone I told her the message but I said I do not know what is wrong. My mom was at work and could not call right away, so I took the effort to call my cousin back to see what was going on. She told me that our uncle was in the hospital and that it did not look good. Starting to tear up I pull over in a fast food restaurant parking lot to listen to more to what my cousin had to say. She then tells me to tell my mom to get to the hospital as quickly as possible as if it may be the last time to see her older brother. My mom finally calls me back and when I tell her the news, she quickly leaves work. That after-noon I lost my Uncle.
My stomach weakens with a thought that something is wrong, what would be the answer I could have never been ready for. I call my best friend late one night, for some reason she is the only person’s voice I wanted to hear, the only person who I wanted to tell me that everything will be okay. She answer’s the phone and tells me she loves me, as I hear the tears leak through, I ask her what is wrong. The flood gates open with only the horrid words “I can’t do this anymore”. My heart races as I tell her that I am on my way, what I was about to see will never leave my thoughts.
Whenever we were kids, we didn’t quite understand situations as well as we would now as adults. No matter how many questions we asked at that young age, we were still left puzzled. That’s how I felt as a child whenever one of the most tragic moments in my life occurred. I was too young to see how severe the situation was at the time, but now, after growing up, I can understand the misery and depression my family felt.
Last year I got involved in a massive car accident. It was the most terrified part of life. It was the moment. I will never forget in my whole life. Before, I never realized how people really feel when a car accident happens.But,after this car accident I know what really it felt like. It was the moment. My mind was totally feared of driving. I was crushed by the hot metal and cold dirt of car. I was not feeling my arm,my body was numbed.It was felt like my lower body pressed down with monster force. All I could feel was the noise of car accident ringing in my ear.I was barely able to move my body. I was kept thinking. What my parents going to think about this? Where is my friend John? I looked through the window and saw the cars passing by
My mother was a god to me in those days, and in my eyes she could do no wrong. I think she understood this, and in turn she lavished attention on me like I was a princess in my own little world whose wishes were to be carried out no matter the cost. We were close, too, and not a day went by when I did not divulge some sort of secret knowledge to my mom.