Essays on Death and Suicide - I Will Survive Suicide

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I Will Survive Suicide

After several years, the pain comes and goes. At home I have become so used to the few pictures and momentos of my mom that I hardly see them unless I purposely decide to look at them. In my voluteer work after school, I find that once again I can concentrate on things. Only once and a while, something will trigger a memory. Occasionally, I go for periods of time feeling sad, but my work with children and my friends and family keep me focused. I feel confident in my abilities and feel much stronger than ever before. It has been a monumental amount of work to get to this point.

At first, hour by hour I felt like I had to force myself to do everything. Force myself out of bed, get dressed, drive the car without crashing it, study, make phone calls. All these things seemed so impossible, so meaningless. Little by little, day by day, I regained my strength, my sanity, my confidence. Several years seems painfully long and wistfully short, all at the same time. But I now know that I can survive. I still have strong faith that God cares for us, maybe not in the way we think is best, but in His own way and in His own time. The glimpse I had of my mom at her death and the other events surrounding those next few days convinced me of the loving care of God for all his children, and His forgiveness, even after suicide.

I have committed myself to finding ways to help others. Whenever I find myself getting sad, I try to think of someone else who needs care and comfort. I wish with all my heart that suicide could cease, that no one else would have to suffer this pain.
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