Effective Communications between Men and Women
Many men and women find it quite difficult to understand exactly what their mates want.
With the new boom of self-help books this is no longer a problem. Whether it is bad communication or dealing with petty arguments, there is a book out there for you and your partner. Although not all of the author’s agree and there are many critics of these works, they do offer helpful insight into the world of communication in relationships between men and women.
For women, understanding their husband or boyfriend can be very difficult. In these cases it may seem as though men and women are from different planets, the main point to John Gray’s Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. According to Gray, men and women communicate completely differently almost speaking two languages. The male or “Martian” language is used most as “ a general warning that he is either in his cave or on his way to the cave.” This “cave” is a general term that Gray attributes to the quiet retreat men take in order to sort out their feelings or deal with a problem. When in their cave men want to be left alone in quiet solitude and may respond to women’s inquiries about their problem with, “I’m okay” or “it is okay” (22). This is a frustrating situation for a concerned woman but according to Gray not worrying for a Martian will help him to exit the cave quicker and give him one less thing to worry about (25).
Women react quite differently when faced with problems or when communicating with their mate. According to John Gray, “to fully express feelings women assume poetic license and use various superlative, metaphors, and generalizations.” Gray also explores how when taken literally by a Martian that this poetic Venusian talk can be easily misunderstood (17). It is these instances where men and women miss the exact meaning of each other’s words, and for this reason Gray includes a Venusian/Martian dictionary in his book. This could be quite helpful in order to sort out certain misunderstandings in a relationship.
Similar to John Gray is Deborah Tannen, a more academically qualified author who conveys comparable ideals in her work “Put Down the Paper and Talk to me.” Tannen’s book revolves around the idea of “rapport-talk” and “report-talk” as well as “cross-cultural” communication between men and women. The language of women is mo...
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...atement and remaining calm you will keep open lines of communication and your partner calm as well (Gottman 56). The fourth and final step of overlearning is probably the hardest because it requires patience and applying the techniques repeatedly.
Self-help is an uncertain science because there are so many conflicting opinions on each topic and it can be hard to decide what is right for you. When communicating just realize that there will always be difference of opinions and to resolve these one may need to apply more than one set of ideals.
Works Cited
Gottman, John. “The Two Marriages: His and Hers.” Writing the World. Ed. Marilyn Moller. Boston: Bedford, 2000. 43-59.
Gray, John. “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” Writing the World.
Ed. Marilyn Moller. Boston: Bedford, 2000. 16-25.
Pollit, Katha. “Are Women Morally Superior to Men?” Writing the World.
Ed. Marilyn Moller. Boston: Bedford, 2000. 62-67.
Tannen, Deborah. “Put Down that Paper and Talk to me!” Writing the World.
Ed. Marilyn Moller. Boston: Bedford, 2000. 8-16.
Troemel-Ploetz, Santa. “Selling the Apolitical.” Writing the World.
Ed. Marilyn Moller. Boston: Bedford, 2000. 67-73.
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In that light, it is interesting to analyse what it is that made these artistic words such a difference. A difference that persuaded people to change their behavior. Thankfully, human history has created a term to define these great speeches. It is called rhetoric. In this essay we will try to determine whether rhetoric is an art, or merely a
Communication between men and women is a constant comparison of differing and many times opposite forms of reasoning. But should these differences hinder our ability to communicate with the opposite sex? There are many differing opinions concerning this topic. While trying to understand our differences we have lost site of the fact that somewhere in our conflicting thought patterns and methods of communication is the challenge and intrigue that attracts us to the opposite sex. Rather than seeing our communication diversities as obstacles we should consider them challenges that draw and keep our attention. You do not need to be an expert on human behavior to appreciate gender classified language and its effects on male female relationships, however many experts have attempted to tackle the issue.
Communication between males and females has always been somewhat complicated. Because we are arguing that males and females have different cultures we wanted to take a look at what some of these differences might be. According to our research the inherent differences between male and female culture are the different roles that society holds for them and the ways these roles lead to different communication styles. The stereotypes that men and women grow up with affect the types of ways in which they communicate. We first wanted to take a look at how they specifically differ while men and women are arguing or having normal conversations. We also looked at the different types of networks that men and women share. These networks also differ and as do the reasonings for their formation. Although we do not think that men and women need to change their cultures to effectively communicate, we do think that better communication is possible. One of the researchers we took a look at was Deborah Tannen. According to Tannen the reason that men and women do not communicate well is that men and women use language differently. Women take the attitude that conversation is to explore solutions to common problems while men concern themselves more with getting information and hard data from conversation. Tannen states that what women look for in communication is human connection, while men consider status to be most important. They are looking for independence and are constantly looking for higher accomplishments. Intimacy threatens this independence, so men have a tendency to avoid it. One of the old sayings about women is that they talk more than men. It turns out that it is not necessarily true. Women seem to talk more in private conversations than do men. Women do not generally have a fear of intimacy and therefore are much more open with one another during private conversations. It is more difficult for women to use this type of communication style in the public arena. In that case it is men that do most of the talking. Tannen ultimately argues that men use communication as a weapon. They use long explanations to command attention from who it is they are speaking to. They use it to convey information and to ultimately gain agreement. Tannen suggests that through even simple conversation men are continually protecting their status. She sugg...
Do men and women effectively communicate in the same way, or is it just a conversation of misunderstanding? There is constantly a new interest in whether men and women converse successfully. Professor and journalist, Deborah Tannen writes, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Tannen compares and contrasts all conversational styles, and explains how the expectation of dialogue affects how men and women converse. Tannen focuses on the subject of marriage and the imbalance of interest between male and female couples. The contrasting perspective however comes from, Deborah Cameron, author of, “What Language Barrier”. Cameron conveys that the stereotypes left upon male and female communication
We all have a certain way of communicating that seems evident and natural to us, so we can be shocked, frustrated, or even sadden when someone misinterprets us. Interacting with other people is part of our daily lives, yet men and women have different styles of communication and behavior. Some of the major differences between men and women are how they express emotion, affection or intimacy, and communication. Women tend to be more emotional and express more affection, whereas men are far less emotional and express less affection. Women regard intimacy as talking face-to-face; however, men regard intimacy as working or playing side-by-side. Women tend to ask more questions when communicating while men ask fewer or no questions at all. These
In the introduction of Deborah Tannen’s “Conversation Style: Talking on the Job”, she compares and contrasts the ways men and women communicate. This reminds me of what I tell people that are struggling in their relationships. Women and men express themselves differently. Women think, but men act. If you can’t wrap your head around this, being in a relationship with anyone is going to be hard. Yet, this is such a basic way of looking at this issue. Not only are the genders vastly different, but each person relates to the world around them in a certain way. He or she also needs to be related to in a specific way. Looking at personalities and personal histories can give a better look at the way we communicate with each other. Tannen examines
Robson, Ruthann. "The Reader's Companion to U.S. Women's History: Marriage." Houghton Mifflin Study Center. 19 Nov. 2005. http://college.hmco.com/history/readerscomp/women/html/wh_022200_marriage.htm.
Communication is an essential part of human life. People perceive things in a different way because of ethnic background differences, attitudes and beliefs, etc. These differences may affect our ability to communicate with our counterpart. Therefore, it is necessary to keep our mind open so that we can reduce the risk of communication breakdown. Men and women are different as everyone knows that. However, their differences are no just physiological and anatomical. Recent researches have concluded that there are remarkable differences between the two genders in the way their brains process information, language, emotion, cognition etc. Scientists have discovered the differences in the way men and women carry out mental functions like judging speed, estimating time, spatial visualization and positioning, mental calculation. Men and women are strikingly different not only in these tasks but also in the way their brains process language. This could account for the reason why there are overwhelmingly more male mathematicians, pilots, mechanical engineers, race car drivers and space scientists than females. On the other hand, there are areas in which women outperform men. Women are naturally endowed with better communication and verbal abilities. They are also effective than men in some of the tasks like emotional empathy, establishing human relations, carrying out pre-planned tasks and creative expressions (Kimura 1999).
Overall, we can see that 200 years later we are still attempting to escape from the gender line created through society’s image of men and women. Men and women still fail to communicate their feelings within their relationships, resulting in an overall unhealthy marriage. Today women and men attempt to challenge these gender stereotypes by taking on the roles of the opposite gender, but like in the “Yellow Wallpaper” are immediately met with “heavy opposition” and disapproval through the process. Although we may seem as though we are improving in escaping from the gendered stereotypes, the past will always be recurrent in a majority of relationships today if dominance within the relationship is not equally balance between both sexes.
Author Deborah Tannen became well known for composing her book, “You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation.” Like Gray, Tannen includes her perception on how men and women differ in communication. In addition, she includes her observations on how early does the differences occur. Tannen states that gender difference in communication styles appear at a young age. She then supports her claim by providing how young boys and girls achieve friends. They young boys created relationships with one another by doing things together. Young girls created relationships by simply talking to one another. According to Tanner, men only will approach conversations with the goal of “transmitting information” or “offering advice” (Tannen, 1990). She also includes that when women are discussing a problem within one another, the women form a bond together and seek to maintain an intimate relationship. However, when men hear women talking about problems, they offer a quick solution and then dismiss the problem. These results give the belief of why there are more woman social workers and counselors than males. Tannen’s book helped explain why women find men as insensitive. For example, if a couple is talking and the female directs a conversation to a conflict that she’s having, the male wouldn’t show as much compassion. He would only offer solutions to the problem and then try to direct