Cop Tales : Therapist D How Are You Today?

2011 Words9 Pages
Cop Tales Therapist Dan: “How are you today?” Me: “I’m good. I have no tickets so I’m undeniably excellent.” Therapist Dan: “What are you signifying by no tickets?” Me: “You know… speeding tickets, court dates, and cop incidents. Don’t you recollect I was going to gab about it in this session?” Therapist Dan: “Well, I was thinking we could talk about you and what’s going on currently.” Me: “I’m paying for this session so I’m picking my cop encounters. Do you want me to shop around?” Therapist Dan: “Fine, have it your way.” October 9, 2006 I steered through Thunderbird and 40th St. confused as a hungover fat dude dressed in a bikini. As I hurried to the freeway to get to Bang-Bang bar, I drove through a construction zone at 10:20pm. I composed a sharp curve as my tires skidded along the black pavement through neon carroty conduits. Tempe is surely far-removed from Thunderbird and 40th St. and was no less than a forty-five minute to an hour away drive. All I contemplated was the notable occasion I’d escape at Mill Ave as the beer gushed whilst ASU sluts cavorted about eyeballing that unique lone male to spread herpes with. I wished it would be yours truly. Later on I sighted glaring blue and scarlet luminosities alternating behind me in my rear view mirror! So I parked at a Sonic Parking lot and had the munchies. Me: “You want some of my chili cheese dog?” Cop: “You know why I pulled you over, first?” Me: “Because I was going fast.” Cop: “Yeeeah, but you also ran through a red light and did 55 miles in a construction zone. Are you in a rush to get somewhere?” Me: “Uh well…” Cop “May I see your license, registration and proof of INSURANCE?” My heart clattered like the rhythm of a Tommy gun. Shit, it felt like it pushed against ... ... middle of paper ... ...nt tits and ass! Then I mooned her and darted off tittering like a mad man. That reminds me of the time I was pulled over on Ash and Mill Ave for nearly ramming a squad car as yours truly arrived out of the driveway from McDuffy’s sports bar. Yeah, I for one believed I could slink away from that. I myself, was mistaken. The cop tailed me, pulled yours truly over and questioned if I drank any alcohol. I lied and said I wasn’t paying attention and just how remorseful I was. He let me go away with a warning! I practically crashed into him and he allowed me to go with a WARNING! Thank fucking God… I’m white. Therapist Dan: “I’m bothered about your dishonesty with the police. Did you deliberate it was acceptable?” Me: “Look, my friend Bandito gave his youngster the greatest guidance. He declared, “You can lie to your teachers and the cops, but never lie to your parents.”

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